


Star Crossed Assassins

by buche



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-08-29 20:44:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 62,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8504752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buche/pseuds/buche
Summary: AU with no relation with the games' events. Shepard and Krios are both assassins, from two different and enemy criminal organizations. Their paths keep crossing while the underground of the galaxy is on the verge of war. Imported from FF with an M rating.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s note: this is an AU where Shepard and Thane are both assassins, and it has no relation with the game’s events. I will probably repurpose many characters for the needs of the story.
> 
> I can’t promise anything regarding the frequency of update on this fiction. Writing in English is hard for me. Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.

The Illusive Man was smoking his eternal cigarette on his chair, his shining inhuman eyes piercing even through the holo. Shepard had never seen him without a smoke halo, making the background foggy. She had never seen him in person, either, and she hoped she never would. She deeply hated him. The perfect embodiment of cold calculation. Oh, he was suited for his job. The great leader of the Network - the biggest black market supplier of the best human assassins and thieves that money could buy.

Shepard was one of the top assassins of the organisation, but she still had superiors.

Kai Leng was standing at her side, emotionless, listening to their boss without arguing. They never did. Shepard despised him as much as the Illusive Man and he knew it, but he also knew she was loyal to her paycheck and it was enough for him. She didn't care about the 'human only' ideology, and she didn't care about any political plans the Network had. She needed to kill and to be paid, and that summarized her life.

Right now, the holographic, disembodied voice of the Network's human leader was raving about Azure Edge. Again. And he was not pleased. Some of the low-ranked killers from the Network had encountered assassins from Azure Edge during a mission. The enemy organisation hired highly trained freelancers from all races. Their leader was unknown, and the Illusive Man could not stand it.

Blood had been shed, leaving the contract unfulfilled. The Illusive Man's client was beyond angry and was threatening to reveal all the information he had, even though it wasn't very much. Kai Leng's mission was to terminate him as quietly as possible. He accepted his assignment, turned around and left. Just before exiting the room he whispered "I hope you get the dirty work done, because I'm not cleaning up after you fail."

Shepard hissed. "Get out before I snap your neck, Leng."

He did, but not without a sardonic smile.

Shepard waited. The Illusive Man turned his intense gaze to her, and she felt like he could read her thoughts. She wished she could bash his head in and then decapitate him with her favorite monomolecular blade and hoped he had heard this. But he simply began filling her in on her own mission.

"Shepard, you will finish the job your associates couldn't. I've forwarded the target information and coordinates to you. Since the first attempt failed, he will be prepared and paranoid. I trust in your ability to end his life quickly."

"Why kill the target when the client will be terminated?" she asked, already knowing the answer would be about his damn pride.

The Illusive Man gave her a look of disappointment that made her want to pull out each and every one of his nails slowly, and then he simply answered, "The Network doesn't fail." He paused for dramatic effect before continuing.

"I know what you think of me, Shepard, and I couldn't care less, but this is not only about personal pride. It is about reputation. And trust me, if the enemy is as proud as me, there's a good chance it will try to terminate the target as well, regardless of the death of his client. If you encounter any opponents, gather information and anything else you can, and then kill them."

Shepard crossed her arms and rested her back on the wall. It made sense, but it was a long shot. And _if_ it happened, her job was going to be harder than a simple assassination.

"That's a big _if_ , sir."

He grinned."It's almost as big as your paycheck, dear."

* * *

Shepard was studying the datapad with care in her little hide out in the center of the Citadel. This contract had the biggest paycheck she'd had in months. The Illusive Man had also forwarded to her all the information he had about Azure Edge. There was a file about 'presumed collaboratives' with surprisingly few names that she opened greedily. She had to admit that if this mission was as good as it was promising, she could have some serious fun. The first name on the list was _Kasumi Goto_ , whom she had never heard about and there was no picture to help her.

_Human. Renowned thief, good hacker, used to work in partnership with Keiji Okuda (now deceased). Dangerous._

Shepard shrugged and smiled. What criminal organization wouldn't hire dangerous criminals?. The second name was _Feron Drock_ , whose name was still unknown to her. But there was a picture- some kind of yellowish drell with a blue neck.

_Drell. Information broker and skilled infiltrator. Dangerous._

Shepard was beginning to think this list wasn't going to be of any help. She scrolled through a few names, all unknown. Thieves, spies, assassins, mercenaries, all branches of the criminal career. She kept scrolling, quickly memorizing names with few faces to put on them until she stumbled upon a name she already knew.

_Thane Krios_

That name was trouble. Every good assassin had to know about Thane Krios. His reputation had to be such a big liability to him, she thought. He was widely acknowledged to be the best assassin in the galaxy.

_Drell. Freelance (used to work for the hanar -Compact-). Very skilled assassin. Biotic. Avoid confrontation at all costs._

No picture. Shepard was frustrated. The best motherfucking assassin in the galaxy and there was no intel on him? This list was a joke. She scrolled through the rest, finding nothing worthy of interest. She threw the datapad angrily on the bed.

She had to prepare for the mission, but the intel was so scarce she felt like she was going blind into a deathtrap. Not that she was scared of death - she had no ties, no family, no other purpose than killing and enjoying it. However, she usually aimed for perfection. This had many ways it could go wrong, but she trusted her improvisation skill. There was no reason for 'the big _if_ ' to happen anyway; no one had an ego as big as the Illusive Man's. She turned on her comm.

"Joker, you there?"

"Welcome to Moreau and Moreau EXQUISITE GALAXY TRIPS. What can I do for you today, my sweet cinnamon roll?"

"Cut the crap. I need a ride to Sur'Kesh."

"Aye aye, Captain," his emphasis on the word ' _captain'_ was as sarcastic as usual,"but where do I pick you up? And who pays?"

"Our usual rendezvous point on the Citadel in an hour. You know my employer; he pays."

She heard him talk to someone else in the distance."EDI, get the ship ready. Her highness Shepard is coming aboard, I'm gonna pick her up in the shuttle."

"Of course, Jeff," a muffled robotic female voice replied.

* * *

An hour would be more than enough time to get ready. She put on her dark-blue skin-tight leather outfit interwoven with armor and a cloaking device she never left without: she sought shadows or invisibility as her greatest ally. It wasn't meant to be sexy or fashionable. It was practical, but Joker always made comments about her being 'the sexy, antisocial, murdering type' when she wore it. Her blue tactical glasses worked as a mask to hide her eyes and continuously display information. This outfit was her second skin, and she was comfortable killing in it.

She reviewed her target info on the datapad one last time. A salarian. A scientist (no shit, she thought), and a wealthy one. She was lucky. His current location was in a little town far away from the capital,with few inhabitants, few _witnesses_. It should be an easy job. There was a possibility of krogan bodyguards, though. She had learned how to kill krogans in so many ways that it didn't really matter to her anymore.

On the wall, only lit by the outside flashes of sky cars and false skylight were her most valued possessions. Hanging neatly, her weapons seemed to have never seen the slightest bit of dust.

Her pistol, a Stinger, was deep red on most of the surface even though marks of attrition let the rough material's color appear in some places. She had had it for a very long time, had modified so much about it that it wasn't really a Stinger anymore. It was her own perfectly adapted weapon. She felt naked when it wasn't placed in the holster under her right arm.

Her sniper, an M-92 Mantis -incredibly precise but with high recoil and reload time- was her ally in situations where her ability in close combat weren't needed. Usually placed on her back, it used to have several layers of glossy paint but she had arranged for it to be completely black. No need for distraction when she held her breath to score a headshot.

She had more love for her guns than for any organic being. However, the true romance was with her monomolecular dagger. Usually secured on her right side, beneath the Stinger, she never had the blade too far from her. She slept with _her_ under the pillow. The weapon was curved just enough to be agreeable to twist in one's gut until the damage was lethal. The cutting edge was less than a molecule wide -characteristic of all monomolecular weapons- making _her_ able to cut through anything with practically no resistance. The pommel was ornamented with intricate carvings, the meaning of which Shepard would reveal to no one. The dagger had a name, _Eris_ , who's existence and origin were also kept secret.

Fully equipped and justifiably proud of her weapons, she methodically finished securing them in place.

She slipped out of the hide out and headed to the rendezvous point.

* * *

Joker was waiting in the shuttle when Shepard reached the meeting point. He rarely got out of the Normandy, but she was an exception. She usually paid well, and was unfriendly enough for him to want to tease her endlessly. He earned a living by selling his services as a pilot and would transport anyone with money anywhere with his ship. It was a good ship, better than most. But this business was a cover.

Unable and unwilling to tolerate loose ends, Shepard had done some research. She discovered he was creating and selling illegal AIs and VIs to renowned criminals. The only AI he would never sell was the one he created first: EDI. Their relationship was weird, but she didn't judge. And she didn't really care how he lived as long as he never failed her. She didn't need friends, only associates. She didn't trust the ones the Illusive Man provided. She didn't trust Joker either, but he was fragile enough not to be a threat.

"Welcome aboard, Shepard," he said when the shuttle docked successfully into the Normandy. "Another business trip, I assume?" His tone was eloquent. Oh, he knew, but he didn't care, and she liked it.

"Sur'Kesh. I'll give you precise coordinates when we get there."

"I guess EDI will do the conversation, then," he answered with a smile.

Shepard leaned against the wall of the cockpit and crossed her arms. She didn't display any emotion, but she was curious to witness any interaction between the two. She wouldn't tell them this. She could easily retire to her usual cabin, but her curiosity got the best of her.

"I'd be happy to, Jeff," the robotic voice answered. "Should we resume our discussion about the variety of content in interspecies pornography?"

She didn't see him, but she could almost _hear_ him flush. She couldn't help but snigger.

"I like her," Shepard said.


	2. Chapter 2

Sur'Kesh was green and humid. The Normandy was flying above midnight-blue oceans and luxuriant jungles full of life. The view from the cockpit was beautiful.

Shepard had studied homeworlds of the different sentient species of the galaxy, and Sur'Kesh was one of her favorites. The technophilic salarians had found many sustainable solutions to prevent pollution caused by development and overpopulation, and their planet looked a bit like what Earth could have been if humans had chosen the same path. She was certain the amphibious species must have ran into several ethical problems such as birth control, which they called 'complex breeding rules', but all she saw was the end result. Moral and ethics had never been her strong suit anyway.

The Normandy had had no difficulty entering the orbit, the salarians allowed tourism and Joker was a good actor. They were headed to the small town described on Shepard's datapad: Del'Triss.

Lost in the middle of a colossal jungle, it was an industrial center composed of laboratories and factories, meticulously maintained to minimize pollution and preserve wildlife.

She had easily hacked the plans of the location and spotted a construction site with little security facing the laboratory where her target worked. She could probably find an easy sniper spot there, which would allow her to keep her distance from any close combat possible assassin from Azure Edge. If a sniper showed up, they would probably choose the same spot; therefore they would be easy to find. She secretly hoped there would be a competitor for her to fight. This mission would be boring otherwise.

"Almost there, Shepard," Joker.

"Let's ready the shuttle."

"Be careful, Jeff," EDI said, with something in her voice that sounded to Shepard like worry. The AI was an enigma to her. It seemed almost human, even though such a sexy voice couldn't possibly be.

"He won't get near any trouble EDI. He's already doing more than I paid him for just by piloting the shuttle. I don't need him getting injured. Besides, I don't want him charging me extra next time for insurance," she replied in his stead to the blue light on the control panel. It was as close as she could get to reassurance, no need to be sentimental.

"Oh, you do care!" he blurted out sarcastically.

* * *

Joker wished her good luck as she exited the shuttle in the middle of the jungle. Not that she needed any. She waved absently to him as the small vehicle went back to the atmosphere.

If she were killed, the ship would leave after 48 hours. She wouldn't admit it, but she was incredibly grateful that he risked so much for her despite the fact that the Vrolik syndrome made it difficult for him.

The hike through the jungle was not very long. She didn't encounter any animals, but she could hear them. She had read that there could be dangerous species in the thick jungles of Sur'Kesh, but she doubted she would find any so close to civilization.

She soon arrived at the small compound she had studied earlier. A few factories, worn down but still functional, expelled clouds of smoke through large chimneys. The smoke was almost white, probably treated inside the facilities to have minimum impact on biodiversity.

The laboratories were on the outskirts of the compound. The one she sought luckily happened to have the name of her target written in big gold letters above the entrance. _A bit bling bling_ , she thought, smiling.

In front of the main laboratory was a tower under construction, the building she was looking for. It was overshadowed by an enormous cliff, which she might climb after the mission just to enjoy the view.

She headed for the construction site and cloaked. She passed by a few workers, unheard, unseen, feeling like a fish in the water.

She climbed the catwalks -there was no elevator yet- to the third floor, which would have clear view onto the laboratory windows. If the salarian was as paranoid as he was supposed to be, the windows would be reinforced and probably shuttered.

They weren't, and there were no shutters. How could he be so dumb? She paused for a second, thinking to all kind of tricks that could imply not fortifying the windows. Something that simple screamed trap to her. She looked around, suspicious. But she couldn't find anything. The guy was just… not paranoid enough.

She settled in a shadowy spot near an unfinished window where she could turn off the cloak and started preparing her sniper rifle with care.

Through the scope, she could see many salarians in the building, typing on control panels or datapads, conversing about whatever scientific research they were doing. She had a precise description of her target and started looking for him through the crowd.

She knew his head was long and thin, crowned with a pair of horns protruding from his skull, that he was greenish in color with hints of violet on the scales of the horns. He was old, and probably dressed in clothes displaying his wealth.

He was easier to spot than she thought. He was the only seated salarian in the room. She spotted two krogan bodyguards near the door, but that far away from him, they wouldn't be a problem.

There was a clear line of sight. This would be an easy shot. Through the scope, her finger on the trigger, her hand firmly but gently on the grip, she aimed. She had done this so many times before that it was automatic. She held her breath, focused, and…

...he fell dead, head first on the desk.

Perfect headshot.

Only she hadn't fired yet.

She cursed under her breath. Maybe if she hadn't been so suspicious of traps she would have fired first. She had to react quickly. The shot had come from the same building but not the same floor. There would be time to be angry later; for now the adrenaline rushed through her as she quickly packed away the Mantis and cloaked.

The other sniper probably didn't know she was even here. Where was he? Or she? Had they spotted her?

She reached the catwalk and started climbing again. One floor up- no one. All her senses were on high alert. She listened carefully to every sound. She was hunting. Focused.

When she reached the fifth floor, a subtle muffled sound made her freeze instantly, listening.

Rustling of leather, not her own. No armor then. Might be specialized in close combat like her. But the sneaky opponent was nowhere to be seen. She took a few steps into the large empty room, still cloaked, undetectable. Or so she thought.

She realised too late that her opponent was behind her when she felt the shift of wind and the creaking sound of biotics near her ear.

They knew exactly where she was, and they were attacking.

She made a spectacular leap to dodge the assault, but it left her disoriented.

How did they get behind her? How did they spot her?

She turned and adopted a fighting stance, Eris out. They stared at each other for a second.

She knew instantly who he was. There hadn't been any picture but the skills spoke for themselves. The green drell was studying her carefully, and he was as focused as she was. Cold, confident in his movements as he shifted gracefully his own stance to match hers. His outfit was all leather, lightly armored, looked heavy, but she doubted she could count that as a disadvantage. A long jacket covered possible hidden weapons, and his shirt revealed a patch of scaled torso. His pants were skin-tight, made to facilitate every movement during combat.

His eyes were dark and harsh. She could still hear the crackling of the dark biotic tendrils that engulfed his hands.

She kind of liked the look, but she had no time to dwell on it; she was preparing her own attack. She hoped her dagger skills were good enough to compensate for her lack of biotics.

She rushed forward, dodging what looked like a biotic throw attack. When she reached him, she didn't aim for the throat immediately. The Illusive Man required answers and those could only come from a living captive. She aimed for the back of his knee, dancing around him with Eris.

He easily got out of her range with a slight jump and said before attacking in return, "I'm going to need two names: yours and that of the one you are loyal to." His voice was calm, confident, and some kind of subvocals made it gravelly. She had to admit his voice was even sexier than EDI's.

He tried another biotic throw attack, but she leaped to the side with lithe movements, soon back on her feet and ready to dodge him as he rushed to engage hand to hand combat, or biotics to dagger, in this case.

The fight became an elaborate dance of back and forth, dodge and rush, jump and punch. It was exhilarating. _I could do this for hours_ , she thought. The familiar adrenaline rush flowing to her head. They were both skilled and precise in every movement. They danced for a while like this, unable to hurt one another. She thought of using her cloak, but she had a feeling it wouldn't be of any use.

At some point, they separated, the result of a simultaneous attack that had them both dive backwards. She answered his question while they were catching their breath, both unharmed.

"You don't need my name, and I'm only loyal to my paycheck. I would ask your name, but I already know who you are. I just need your employer's." She was panting, and she hoped her voice sounded as determined as his but didn't dwell on it. Instead she focused on predicting his next attack.

Thane Krios stared at her. He wasn't as short on air as she was. He had the advantage. His eyes were piercing, probably searching for an opening or other weakness he could exploit. She grew more and more seduced by his style and cold stare. He was a worthy enemy.

She attacked first, impatient. Surging towards him like a tornado, she put an end to the prologue and began the main act.

The ruthless dance started again. They swirled around each other, each move precise, each move deadly, each move precious. She was entranced at this point. The world around her faded to a blur and ceased to exist aside from the dance. Sometimes he was so close she could smell his scent, a complex mix she couldn't, and hadn't time to describe. She loved how close to death she was each time.

After a few minutes of this elaborate rhythm, she finally saw an opening. His arm had shifted a tiny bit too much. She felt it immediately; the rhythm had been broken. Eris reacted before she'd even thought about swinging her arm. She inflicted a vicious cut deep into his left bicep. He growled at the pain.

The pleasure of finally striking, finally gaining ground on him was so pure it made her head dizzy.

Suddenly, she couldn't move. Before she understood what was happening, he was behind her, his palms on each side of her head, ready to snap her neck. She'd been played. She had to admit he was better. It was all a feint. She had lost, and he had won. The constant buzzing of his biotic in her ears made her even more dizzy, the scent of leather and blood invading her senses. She stopped struggling, his grip was too strong.

She was not angry. She had fought, she had lost, she was going to die, but… _damn, it was a good fight_.

"I am honored to die by your hand, I'd be…" she coughed,"even more honored if you kept my dagger," she said faintly.

He froze. The biotics remained, preventing her from struggling, but he didn't move. It seemed like an eternity before he muttered: "I need two names."

She was out of air. she fought to stay alert, but the world was becoming blurry.

"My name's Shepard," she coughed again and added, "The dagger's name is Eris."

Her vision became even more blurry, and she started to slip into unconsciousness, but she could have sworn she heard him laughing softly. The last thing she heard was a distant echo of his voice."Forgive me, Amonkira, for I have failed."

The darkness engulfed her.

* * *

' _I am not dead_ ' was the first thing that occurred to her when she came back to reality. ' _What the fuck?'_ was the second. Opening her eyes, she quickly got back on her feet, disoriented by the sudden rush of blood to her head. She wasn't in the building. She was… on the cliff?

She could see all Del'Triss from where she was, and all the fuss happening below. They were actively searching for the salarian's killer. Multiple krogans growled as salarians frantically ran around. She was happy to be out of that mess. But why had she been brought out of it?

She took some time to think. He hadn't killed her. Why? No way to know. It was obvious the drell assassin had brought her here. But again,why?

She did a quick check of her body. Bruises around her neck, some cramps and achiness, exhaustion from the fight. No signs of any damage other than that.

She had her Stinger at its usual place, the Mantis on her back… _Wait_. She felt her thigh, her fingers only meeting the empty sheath.

Eris was gone.

He took her.

"Motherfucker!" she swore very loud. How dumb could she have been to tell him to take it? She had been certain she was going to die, that's why. He should have taken it from her dead body, her corpse still hot from the fight.

She paced angrily on top of the cliff she would have been happy to explore earlier. The view was breathtaking, but she didn't see it. The damn drell had let her live, stripped her of her most precious possession, and now she had no answers. Oh, he was going to pay. She remembered the last words she heard. He said he had failed. Failed in what? Retrieving intel? That he had. She had told him her name, because she thought he would kill her... But it didn't matter. He could scream it when she killed him.

She didn't believe in honor, but she had been honored nonetheless to die by his hand. Her ego was bruised. She should have had this epic, meaningful death, losing to the best fighter she'd met, the best assassin in the damn galaxy, but he didn't even grant her that.

"Joker? I'm ready for pick up."

"I'll be right there, sunshine."

She wasn't in the mood for nicknames. She didn't even answer.

* * *

Back on the Citadel, she filed her report and headed for the underground base of the Network.

Located in the lower wards, it was one of the most secretive places in the Citadel. Its cover was a nightclub called Chora's Den. Shepard usually went cloaked through the club to avoid nuisances. She had no interest in asari strippers or petty criminals looking for quick and easy sex. She quickly reached the back door and entered the code. It opened, and she entered, happy to be out of the damp and lubric atmosphere of the club.

Behind the door, an old human guard covered with scars was waiting for her to decloak, blocking the entrance.

"Door don't open for no reason. Show yourself," he ordered.

She decloaked. "It's me, Zaeed," she said with a feigned smile. She liked the guy, but she was in no mood to chat.

"For fuck's sake, Shepard, why do you always do that? I should've known it was you, you bloody sneak freak."

"I don't like the club's mood. Sorry if I startled you."

"You look like hell. You okay?"

"I am. I just… I lost my dagger, and it pisses me off," she admitted. She wouldn't tell the whole story, but she knew he would relate to this.

"Tough. I would kill for Jessie. I understand," he said.

He had told countless stories about Jessie the rifle. She was the only one that never got bored by them. He didn't know she gave her blade a name, though. She trusted no one with that knowledge. And now, the damn drell had the dagger _and_ the name. Zaeed wasn't her friend, but she valued his presence. Right now he was studying her face and she didn't like it.

"You really lose it?"

He was clever. He knew she would never _lose_ such a precious thing. He didn't wait for her answer. He just added, "Come to me after debrief, and I'll get you another one, I know where to ask. Bloody Citadel markets can't provide what ya need."

She hesitated. She couldn't possibly get a _new one_. She had to get Eris back. But she relied on close combat so she needed another weapon. It felt like cheating but she had no choice. She already missed the familiar presence of the weapon neatly tied to her thigh.

"Thanks, Massani, I won't forget this," she said before heading for the debrief room.

* * *

The Illusive Man wasn't there yet, but Kai Leng was. They both waited in silence. She didn't have the patience to engage in another one of his petty fights. They'd never been friends. She had never done anything to be his enemy, but the guy had always been jealous of her. She didn't know if his jealousy was induced by his inherent sexism or just that his ego was so swollen he couldn't take anyone being better than him. To her, he was just a dick with a blade. And an ugly one at that. Too long. Less effective. _His sword, not his dick_ , she told herself.

The two of them had a long-standing agreement. They sometimes had sex, to blow off steam. It was twisted, angry sex. No feelings, no tenderness, no gentle kisses. It sometimes made him less antagonistic towards her. She'd never thought about her sex life as related to love. To her, it was about needs, about tensions that needed to be released through pleasure. She'd had several encounters with other species under the influence of alcohol, mostly asari, but she liked humans better.

Leng opened his mouth to speak, but the holo lit up. The blueish image of the Illusive Man in his seat, with his cigarette and his holy halo of smoke, appeared before them.

"Shepard, Leng. I read your reports. I need to clear up a few details." He paused. "You two are the best and most valuable assets to this organization, yet both of you failed to accomplish your jobs."

He didn't seem angry, he was calm and cold. Control was his thing. Leng, on the other hand, was fuming. He replied immediately. "The target is dead. I did my job."

Shepard could tell he was struggling to stay polite.

"Yet information has been leaked," the Illusive Man replied, impassive. "Now the Network is compromised, and Azure Edge is gaining ground. I will forward you a list of names. All those names must disappear. All intel they have must be erased. Do you understand?"

For a second Shepard thought Leng was going to explode, but he took the datapad on the panel and left without a word. She could almost feel sorry for the guy.

Shortest meeting in history. Now it was her turn.

"Shepard, your report lacks detail. I wish to discuss what happened on Sur'Kesh. The target is dead. No matter who killed him, the credits you earned will be sent to your account. But your secondary mission has discrepancies I need to clear."

She waited. There was no reason to lie. Her ego had no place in this.

"You had the pleasure to meet Thane Krios, I gather."

"Yes." Her tone was cold, as emotionless as she could make it.

"You tried but didn't obtain any intel on Azure Edge."

"No."

"You two fought."

"We did."

"You lost."

"I did."

"Then why are you still alive?"

She paused. She had no answer. "I have no idea. I woke up safe and unharmed. He stole my dagger but didn't kill me. I don't understand his motives."

The Illusive Man seemed suspicious, but changed the subject.

"Did he get any information about us?"

"No," she lied.

The information he got was just her name and her dagger's, and it couldn't possibly be used against the Network. The Illusive Man didn't need to know. It was not about ego; she couldn't tell what it was, but she wished to keep this confession personal.

"Well, I won't lie, I was hoping for better results from you."

He paused to pick up a datapad. "I have been made aware of a certain individual on Omega who would be willing, under certain circumstances, to give us the leverage we need on Azure Edge. I can't put Leng on this; he's too unpredictable. I need you to retrieve this leverage, whatever it is. The paycheck will be rewarding."

She nodded.

"Good," he said. "Then I believe we are finish-"

"I need a favor," she interrupted him.

"You never ask for favors," he pointed out.

"I'm asking now. I need you to send me everything you can find on Thane Krios."

Her voice hadn't flinched.

She'd been searching and searching for hours for anything on Krios, but there was nothing to be found without the right contacts.

He stared at her with his glowing ice-blue eyes that always seemed to be reading her. He seemed to be considering it.

"Revenge is dangerous, Shepard. I can't lose my best assassin because she's running blindly into the unforgiving arms of death itself. But since I am certain I can't possibly stop you, you will have your data. Don't do anything stupid."

She nodded and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	3. Chapter 3

Omega was a shithole.

Shepard made her way through shady batarians and vorchas in a dark pathway near Afterlife. She had never been so thankful to have her cloak. She could easily beat to death anyone who wished to be an inconvenience to her, but she avoided unnecessary risks.

Tied to her side, a monomolecular knife was hanging loosely, without grace. She hated it. It felt heavy, ill-balanced, out of place. Zaeed had provided her with contacts that, aside from selling illegal weapons, had a large choice of monomolecular blades to offer. It had taken her forever to find the knife, its swing, balance and grip being the closest to Eris', but still awfully far from her. After several hours of familiarisation and exercises, she mastered the object. It was not a weapon of grace or subtle combat moves, just a blade to be stuck in one's gut. A blade like that didn't deserve a name.

She brushed aside the bitterness to focus on the mission. While reading the instructions it had become clear that what the Illusive Man meant by 'would be willing' and 'under certain circumstances' actually meant 'will talk under torture if found.'

The target was a quarian on pilgrimage who had been stripped of his credits and now worked for gangs, selling drugs hoping to have any chance to see the Migrant Fleet again one day. It appears that he got very good at stealing things and had been contacted by Azure Edge recently. She had no idea how the Illusive Man got this information, but she hoped that if he was that good at it, the Krios problem would be attended to soon.

And again, her mind spiralled around the assassin. It wasn't only anger and bitterness she felt. She needed a rematch. She wanted to dance their odd dance again. Nothing she'd ever experienced was better than that. Even sex with Kai Leng didn't give her that much pleasure. _Figures_ , she thought.

Shaking her head as if to rid herself from those thoughts, she entered Afterlife, cloaked to avoid queuing and talking to the imposing elcor guarding the entrance. Loud electronic music with enhanced bass filled her ears as she went through a long corridor filled with flames on screens and decloaked in a dark corner. She had put on the most girly clothes she had, slim dark-purple leather pants, high heels and a white tank top that offered a nice view of her narrow cleavage. She needed intel on the quarian, and she was going to try the nice way for once.

The large circular room that composed the main space of the club was dimly lit in pinkish light that came from an enormous pillar at the center. Barely-clothed asari danced suggestively around the pillar while all kind of males watched. _Mostly males_ , she corrected herself, spotting a beautiful and fully-clothed asari staring at a dancer.

Shepard headed to the bar and analysed her options. Some turians were drinking liquors and beverages she didn't recognize. A lonely volus was trying to be interesting while a bored asari listened to him. The bartender seemed to be the best choice since he probably knew a lot of people from all around Omega. She sat at the bar in front of the busy turian.

"I'll have whatever's on sale and not ryncol, please."

He looked her up and down brazenly. Silently, he picked up some turian liquor from the bar and poured her a drink.

"You're not from around here." His tone was not mean, just curious.

"I'm on a tour of the best clubs of the galaxy. I heard this place was the shit. I would kill for some red sand though." Her voice was suggestive, and her stance even more. He seemed interested. It was a long shot, she had no idea if human charms could work on turians.

"You don't look like the red sand junkie type," he said, suspicious.

"But you look like the nice barman type," she countered. "I've been told Waal'Faesa nar Vorak could hook me up. Do you know where I can find him?"

She drank some of her liquor, fighting to look natural when the taste of it on her tongue made her want to puke.

"What was your name again ?"

"Anna," she answered without the slightest hesitation. "What's yours?"

"Sepnus. I tell you what, Anna, you come help me… sort out stuff in the back, I'll tell you where to find Waal."

"Let's go sort stuff, then," she answered, still suggestive.

He shouted to his colleague that he was taking a break. Said colleague pointed at her and made a rude gesture. She smiled innocently and followed Sepnus.

* * *

 _At least the knife is easy to clean_ , she thought while she wiped turian blood from the blade. She cloaked and got out of Afterlife without looking back.

She now knew where to find Waal'Faesa. Across a shady corridor filled with slave traders and illegal weapon sellers she spotted the quarian, nonchalantly talking to a volus, back to the wall. She waited for him to finish his transaction and followed him as he left. When they were in a shadowy corner, she decloaked in front of him and tackled him to the wall.

"Hi, Waal," she said with a smile that held death.

He shrieked and fought under her grip, but she hit his helmet hard enough for him to stop.

"We can do this the hard way, but I'm in a good mood today so I'd suggest you don't make me angry." The smile disappeared in favor of a cold and menacing stare.

"Please don't hurt me", he cried. "What do you want?"

"Tell me about Azure Edge."

He froze.

"I can't! They'll kill me!"

"Do you really think I'm going to let you live if you're useless to me? You'll at least have time to hide from Azure if you cooperate. Otherwise," she made a dramatic pause "do you prefer that I break your helmet or puncture your hardsuit? I heard there are some mean germs on Omega, I'm curious to see what it will do to a quarian..."

She could feel him shivering under her grip.

"You don't understand! Azure Edge… It's big, bigger than you... you can't ask me to betray them… I…"

She took the knife out. He squealed in anticipation.

"Fine! Fine! I'll tell you what I know, don't puncture my suit, please!"

"Someone's reasonable." She smiled. "Where is the base of operation?"

"...Here... on Omega…"

"Good. Who's the leader?"

He hesitated. She waved at him with her knife, a wicked smile on her face.

"... Aria. Aria T'Loak. She'll kill me..."

"I don't give a fu-"

She felt a bullet fly very close to her ear and end up in the quarian's helmet. He died instantly. She cloaked immediately. She leaped backward as another bullet passed a few centimeters from her face. She looked around quickly to find the sniper's spot. There weren't many options. The only high ground she could see was not far, and she ran for it. An Azure Edge sniper could probably give her even more intel. She heard a few other shots, but they were far away from her. They'd lost her. She rushed in the building and quickly got to the floor where the sniper had been.

No one.

She had missed him.

She wondered if it could have been Krios.

 _Krios wouldn't have missed_ , she thought.

"Fuck" she muttered.

* * *

Back from the mission, she opened the door of her little hide-out on the Citadel. She had a shock when she saw Kai Leng waiting for her, sitting casually on the bed. She sighed. "How did you get in?"

"The password was fucktheillusiveman… You're so predictable, you don't even have a retinal scan. Pathetic." So much spite in his voice. If spite was saliva, he would be drooling.

"Listen, Leng, if you came here to insult me, I'm not in the mo-" Before she could finish her sentence, he had slammed her to the wall and began kissing her neck forcibly. It felt like he was devouring her. She pushed him back violently.

"No. I said i'm not in the mood."

"Well I am," he replied assaulting her again. She drew her knife.

"No means no. Get out of my face, or I'll cut you."

He hissed. Their eyes met, and she held his angry stare. He seemed to be considering fighting her, but then he asked, "When?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe never, maybe just get out of here before I'm really mad!"

She could see his hand trembling with anger. He searched for something to reply, didn't find it and left without a word.

She reached for her back; she would have bruises. Now she knew how the quarian had felt. She was accustomed to the _romantic_ way Leng had of asking for sex. He'd done it many times, and she initiated sex in the same way, but this one was the worst. He had never broken into her apartment before. He had never tried to force his way after a 'no.' She wasn't afraid of him, but she didn't want to have to kill him. The Illusive Man might charge her for his death.

She knew she shouldn't be that angry at him, but she was exhausted. She had thought her hide-out to be one of the few safe refuges from the Network, and now Kai Leng had compromised it. This was her life: a mix of adrenaline and distrust. She wondered how it would be, just once, to feel safe somewhere, in good company. How it would be to let her guard down. But she quickly brushed away the thought. She had chosen her path long ago; she hadn't earned the epithet _Butcher of Torfan_ by being nice and relaxed. It wasn't like she had the skills, or even the desire, to do anything different anyway.

She changed the password of the door absently and took a well-deserved nap.

* * *

The loud beeping of her omni-tool woke her up a few hours later. The Illusive Man required her presence. Her report had already been filed but it seemed the man liked debriefing more than results. She quickly got up and headed for the Network base, still tired.

This time, Zaeed didn't ask her to decloak. He just said, "Hi Shepard, how's the new knife?"

"Horrible," she replied in a monotonous voice. "But I guess it does the job. Thanks again, Massani."

"No prob'. Be careful in there, Leng is storming up the place."

"I'd better not decloak then," she said, leaving him to his duties.

In the main room, Leng was shouting at what was the closest to a secretary for the Network. Something about the place going to shit. _Poor Kelly_ , she thought. The girl looked positively scared to death. But Shepard wasn't the superhero type, and she wasn't going to save her from her demise. She passed by them, unnoticed, and entered the debriefing room discreetly. The Illusive Man was waiting for her inside.

"Shepard," he greeted her.

"Sir."

"I'm quite happy with your results. Now the Network has a decisive advantage over Azure Edge. I was always suspicious of Aria, but I didn't think she would try to expand her power beyond Omega. She's bold. However, I'm curious to know how they got the tip that you were looking for the quarian." His tone was calm but suspicious.

"He took a headshot before I could get more information out of him. The sniper was gone when I reached his spot. I made sure to leave no evidence of my investigation before reaching the target. Something must have been leaked from here."

She thought of the poor turian barman that had probably found his dead colleague by now.

"I'm well aware of this, I'm dealing with this issue as we speak. Your account has been credited with your fee. I still consider this mission a success."

"Thank you."

He paused and gave her a strange look.

"I suppose you've earned your right to pursue your little revenge trip," he said with a sigh.

She leaned in, suddenly very interested. He pointed his finger to a datapad lying near the holo. She picked it up greedily. There wasn't much. Two files: one about Krios' background, very short, and the second was coordinates, somewhere on Tuchanka.

"These are the estimated coordinates of his next contract. Courtesy of my dearest friend, the Shadow Broker, to whom you now owe a favor. However, I want you to do this on my terms."

She held his icy stare. Of course there was going to be a catch.

"You will not be paid for this. Kai Leng will. I want you to take him with you. I'm still not clear on how you survived your previous encounter with Thane Krios, and I'm not risking my best assassin without backup."

_Oh, hell no!_

"What?" she blurted out in disbelief, losing her temper instantly. "No, you can't do this, Leng is not an advantage, he's a liability. He will get us both killed!"

"I am aware of the tension between you two, but you should give him more credit. This is not negotiable." His calm tone infuriated her.

She took some time to calm her emotions. Why did it bother her so much? Of course if they were two on one she could get Eris back for sure. As good as he was, Krios couldn't possibly beat two highly-trained assassins. But then, there wouldn't be the dance. She knew Leng, it was just going to be a gross fight, ruthless and devoid of any subtlety. Did it really matter? She knew it did, but she had no choice.

"Fine," she said, and the holographic image of the Illusive Man disappeared.

* * *

Kai Leng's disproportionate anger fit was apparently over when she exited the comm room. Kelly was back at her desk, her eyes a bit swollen. She told Shepard that Leng was practicing in a separate room. She walked calmly in his direction and watched as he swung his sword, violent yet precise, at a practice bot. He was effective, she could grant him that. He noticed her but didn't stop.

"So now the Illusive Bastard indulges in personal favors?" he asked while shredding the bot into pieces. His tone was almost… neutral. Maybe physical exhaustion made him less of a dick. She'd certainly observed this phenomenon before in different circumstances.

"I don't know why he dragged you into this," she replied, sighing.

"Maybe so you don't get killed like a dumb bitch."

Was that… _worry_?

"He almost killed you last time. I'm going to make sure I compensate for your inadequacies."

Definitely worry. She didn't know how to feel about this. Leng was mean and petty; she didn't want to have to think of him as something else. She grumbled a very confused, "Thank you, I guess…" and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	4. Chapter 4

The atmosphere was tense in the shuttle above Tuchanka. Kai Leng was polishing his sword silently while their pilot was so overwhelmed by the ambient tension he didn't dare speak. She hadn't asked for Joker on this trip because she didn't want her own contacts to mix with the Network's. Shepard had chosen to ignore the animosity in the air and was focused on reading the dossier about Krios on her datapad.

This time, there was a picture. It was a security camera shot of a crowded market on Ilium and, looking closely, a quarter of Krios' face was discernable. Shepard zoomed in to study the details of it. Pale green scaly skin, dark markings, a determined charcoal eye crowned by a frowning ridged eyebrow. He looked determined. It suited him. She wondered if the crimson area under the ridges of his neck was his weak spot. She'd learned how to precisely aim for weaknesses of many species but drells weren't among them.

She couldn't decide if she found him scary or sexy. _Worthy_ was as close as she could get to put a word on her impressions. She scrolled down the background description. There wasn't much, two pages. She learned that his training had been made under the Compact, an agreement between drell and hanar. Drell offered servitude to express their gratitude towards the hanar for saving some of them from their dying planet, Rakhana. Apparently, hanar could mold deadly assassins, even though she found that a bit unlikely, given their… jelly nature. But she'd seen the results: Krios was ruthless.

What piqued her interest was why he left the Compact. Krios had a wife and a son. The wife was marked as deceased with no further explanation, but the son had been seen fooling around with shady people on the Citadel. She wondered how he could maintain a family given his career choice. There wasn't much else on the datapad about his life.

From what she had gathered when she searched earlier for information about drell, they had perfect memory and venom that could cause hallucinogenic effects. They were a rare enough and exotic species to provoke some kind of fantasy on the extranet, but she hadn't really looked into it. It wouldn't help her kill him.

She scrolled down again to the intel on his mission. He had to terminate a salarian geneticist (she began to think he specialized in killing salarians) named Maelon Heplorn, a former operative of the Special Tasks Group who was apparently working on something related to the krogan genophage.

Kai Leng couldn't take the tension any longer. He sighed in exasperation.

"So how do we play this?"

"You find his shuttle and kill the pilot, if there is one, to avoid any possible escape plan." Their own pilot shuddered. "I wait for him to finish his contract, trail him until he's vulnerable, then I go for a surprise attack. You'll have caught up with me by then. You'll have my GPS coordinates on your omni-tool the whole time," she replied.

"I'm not leaving you alone." His tone was icy.

"I can take care of myself, Leng."

"Illusive Man's orders." He was smiling. He enjoyed this.

"Bullshit! Why would he order this?" She was way more pissed than she wanted to admit.

"He thinks you're flirting with the enemy."

She flinched with shock. _So that's why he didn't brief us both at the same time_.

"What? You believe this?"

"I don't think you're capable of flirting or loving, so no, I don't."

He was surprisingly calm, as if he was testing her. It was the last straw.

"For fuck's sake, Leng, don't make a scene. What the hell are you implying? Are you mad because I refused to fuck you?" _No_ , she didn't want to know. They'd trailed off to something she didn't like and didn't want to discuss so she changed subject immediately before he could answer.

"Anyway, we're doing this my way, fuck the Illusive Prick. Take it or leave it. Or fight me, I dare you."

He had opened his mouth to yell something, but her last sentence took him by surprise. He just stared at her, blazing eyes full of anger. He punched the wall of the shuttle so hard the pilot jumped and the shuttle lurched awkwardly. She waited for Leng to calm down until he just nodded slowly.

"Fine, I hope you get killed," he spit out.

* * *

Shepard was observing Maelon carefully manipulate test tubes, waiting for the drell. She had found the perfect spot. Because it was the worst. She picked this one precisely so that Krios wouldn't realize she was here and waiting on him. Cloaked and crouched in a very unpleasant position in a corner of the laboratory, she was on high alert. Leng and she had calculated the optimal time for the assassin to strike, and this was it. _Takes one to know one_. The krogan guards were rotating shift, so she knew if he were going to strike, it was going to be now.

Suddenly, the ground began to rumble and shake. An earthquake? The salarian dropped his tubes, and the ones that remained on his desk fell to the floor. He swore out loud.

"How am I supposed to work with thresher maws tearing this place apart!" He shouted angrily.

The ground slowly calmed down as the beast made its way further underground. She hadn't thought of the possibility of earthquakes. She hoped it wouldn't compromise the mission.

Then she saw him. Krios dropped quietly from the ceiling into the small room, making absolutely no noise. He crept gracefully behind the salarian, a shadow in the dimly lit laboratory. Before he knew it, Maelon was dead on the floor, his neck snapped neat and clean. It was beautiful. _A true master of his art_ , she thought.

Krios looked around, making sure he had not been witnessed, and his gaze passed over her spot. She was invisible. He did not seem to have noticed her. She thought he was going to go back through the vents he had come from immediately, but he lowered his head and joined his hands, muttering something. _Was he praying_?

It didn't take long, and he jumped back in the vent with no difficulty. She immediately rushed to the catwalks and followed the sound, although he made almost none. She knew where the vents would take him and she caught up in no time when he exited them.

He was making his way unnoticed yet not cloaked through krogans all of sorts. She wondered how he did that. He was leaping unseen from shadowy corner to shadowy corner. She followed, safe in her cloak. When they got outside, she decided the place was good enough.

It was a large deserted area, surrounded by broken columns that studded the path to what used to be a temple but was now abandoned. The ground underfoot was dry, hard rock with whispers of dust and sand blown across it. She noted that it would make her footing treacherous when they finally, inevitably, fought.

Her omni-tool blinked silently. Leng hadn't found the shuttle. He was returning to her position but it would take longer than initially planned. He warned her not to attack until he was there.

She couldn't wait for him. Krios wasn't going to stay in this perfect arena forever.

She closed on him silently. He stopped in the middle of the path.

"I'm aware of your presence and have been for some time. Won't you show yourself?" He asked, his tone serene but the subvocals menacing as he turned towards her.

He was stunning. The sun created a small glimmer on his scales, and the contrast made his eyes look even more ebony black. He wore the same outfit as the first time she'd seen him. She could see Eris hanging at his hip, and she had to admit it suited him. Hatred and admiration coiled in her mind in a confusing mix as she decloaked, monomolecular knife in her hand.

"Shepard," he acknowledged. She could have sworn she briefly saw the ghost of a smile on his face. "I didn't realize there was a contract on my head."

"There isn't," she replied sharply.

"Do you seek revenge then?" He was intrigued.

"I want my dagger back, and I want you dead."

He gave her a confused look. "It was a gift. It is of great value to me."

"You were supposed to take it from my dead corpse!" she yelled.

She rushed forward to attack with the knife. He leaped backward immediately, confusion turning into determination instantly. He unsheathed Eris while she attacked him again, fury upon his Olympian calm. The blades chimed a crystalline sound as they finally made contact. She instantly knew he would have the advantage until Leng arrived. The drell fought her with her own weapon, and he seemed to use her as well as she did.

Adrenaline rushed in her blood as the dance began again. It was different. Their blades created the music while their feet in the hot sand were the drums. This score was more violent than the first. She was the screaming horns, and he was the violin counterpoint. The staccato of his attacks was faster, even more precise than before, and she dodged them all. Sometimes she managed to turn them against him in lithe and fast surprise attacks he could somehow predict.

The sound of blades echoed in the deserted landscape. She could now precisely describe the scent of leather and spice when he got close to her in a spectacularly well-controlled leap with Eris. Parrying expertly, she didn't jump back. She wouldn't break the rhythm. Green flashes of color and black lightning intermingled in the sand perfectly.

She finally cried out her joy when her unexpected and sudden punch on his arm made Eris fall from his hand and she went flying. Shepard leaped backwards to pick her up. Biotics tendrils instantly appeared in both of Krios' clenched fists.

It was at this precise moment that Kai Leng attacked from behind a crate, his sabre aiming for the lungs. From the way Krios was focused on their fight, as entranced as she was, Shepard knew Leng wouldn't miss. But it suddenly felt wrong.

Her body reacted before her mind could.

She leaped forward, closing her eyes.

When she opened them, the scent of blood filled her nostrils. Eris was nestled deep in Leng's gut. He slid off slowly and fell on his back, struggling to breathe. She fell on her knees next to him, still unsure of what she had just done.

"No…" she muttered, her voice trembling.

_Why?_

Leng's face was surprisingly devoid of anger. All she could see was deep betrayal in his eyes, mingled with something she didn't recognize, something soft and warm. His hand reached for her, and she thought for a moment that he wanted to strangle her, but he didn't. He tenderly stroked her cheek until his hand fell flat on the floor. He drew a painful last breath, and his body stilled.

She was frozen. What would she tell the Network? She had saved her opponent's life, and she couldn't figure out why. Killing him now would make Leng's death meaningless. She turned, still on her knees, to stare at her opponent.

He hadn't moved the whole time, watching her carefully. His stare was intense, but she couldn't read anything into it.

Before she could bring herself to say anything, the ground shook again. This time it was harder and closer than before. She felt it crumble a few feet away from their position. Krios reacted instantly.

"Move!" he ordered.

She looked back at her former lover, wondering if she should leave him here. A strong grip on her arm raised her from the floor and forced her to run. She stopped thinking. Krios was behind her as she rushed for the destroyed temple, opposite of the deep rumbling that was now omnipresent around them. She heard the sandy ground tear apart as the beast erupted from the deep, but she didn't look back. Everything was crumbling around them, decrepit columns collapsing as she sprinted up the stairs, the assassin close on her heels. The temple was huge, its vault high above them, krogan statues everywhere, disintegrating as the maw closed on them.

A ominous cracking sound above them made her deaf for a few seconds. She jumped forward, trying to reach the other side even though she knew she wouldn't make it in time. An enormous column fell in front of her. She turned back to evaluate her escape routes, but a wall had shattered behind them and the ceiling was disintegrating fast.

After that, everything happened quickly. The drell grabbed her and threw her below him harshly. He raised his hands to the ceiling, biotics surging out of them. A huge chunk of stone was falling off. The blue tendrils engulfed it and held it floating just above them. Krios grunted painfully with the weight he had to support. He held it for a few seconds, but then fell unconscious on the floor as another chunk fell on it.

Everything went dark in the thunderous sound of stone crashing against stone. She waited, expecting to be crushed in horrible pain, but nothing happened. The rumbling of the thresher maw slowly faded away, and silence invaded the space. Looking around her, she saw the senseless body of the drell lying on the floor. The collapsed wall and column had created two perfect walls for the ceiling parts to fall on without crushing them. They were trapped, but not dead. Only a small hole on the top corner of the newly-created bunker let air and light in.

The space was large enough for two people to lie down and approximately 1.5 meters high. Peering through the hole she could see the ravaged ruins, the ground cracked into a horrid hole near where they had fought. Leng's body had disappeared.

She sat down on the floor and buried her head in her hands. How could this get any worse? Leng was dead, by her hand. She was a traitor, and she had absolutely no reason to be one. For once in her life, she felt guilt overwhelm her as she remembered his tender hand against her cheek.

She should kill the drell right now, while he was unconscious, but she couldn't. That was the only clear fact about this mess. She couldn't kill him. She had saved his life, and he had saved hers. What did that make them? They were enemies. Two assassins from two deadly enemy organisations. Why couldn't she get the job done? She'd never had to think twice before, nothing ever was complicated. _Kill or get killed but don't fucking hesitate_.

Raising her head, she suddenly noticed Krios had woken up. He was seated in front of her, observing. He let no emotion filter through his perfect mask.

"What?" Her voice was meaner than she had meant.

He stayed silent.

"Do you have an idea to get us out of this mess?" she tried.

"I can't use my biotics, I'm still recovering. When I am feeling better, I will try."

He indeed sounded exhausted. She sighed. He had saved them both. The least she could do was be grateful.

"Thank you," she said awkwardly.

He was silent for a moment, then bowed his head slightly. "Thank _you_."

His voice was gravelly, almost gentle, like a feather on sandpaper.

"So what do we do now?" she asked, ill at ease.

"We wait."

"Oh."

So many questions floated in her mind while they stayed silent. When she could take it no longer, she asked brusquely, "Why didn't you kill me in Del'Triss?"

He waited a long time before answering.

" _She rushes towards me again,_ " he started, his eyes going in every direction frantically, " _red hair and amber eyes. Amonkira's human avatar. With the fury and grace of the hunter, she spins around me with her blade. I dodge every attack. She's determined. I let her hurt me to take the advantage. Sharp pain in my arm. My hands on her head, biotics ready. She won't tell me what I need to learn. She offers me her weapon as a token of honor. I can't kill her. It shames me. I pray to Amonkira for forgiveness._ "

He stopped abruptly, his head leaning down a little. Then his gaze met hers. She was confused.

"What was that?"

"Eidetic memories. I can relive every moment of my life with perfect clarity."

"Oh." She remembered now.

He couldn't kill her. He had called her… what?

"Who's Amonkira?"

"The Lord of Hunters. A drell divinity."

"You're religious?"

"Yes."

There was a pause.

"Why didn't you let him kill me?" he asked, gentle voice and questioning eyes.

She lost herself for a while in the obsidian oceans of his gaze, still trying to process an answer.

"I…" she began, not really knowing where she was going, " _I_ was supposed to do it. I acted without thinking, I…" He let her find her words patiently. "Our fight on Del'Triss was the best I ever had. It's not… I'm not… I live to kill. I never linger on why or how, but that fight… changed something. I was… honored that you killed me. But when you didn't, and you took Eris," her voice sharpened, "it felt like an insult. I wanted to kill you, to fight you again. Take back what's mine. You were my prey, not Kai Leng's!" She slumped forward, the fight gone from her. "And now I can't kill you. You saved my life."

He took some time to contemplate her answer and then replied solemnly, "And you saved mine."

Silence took back its rightful place between them. The weight of the unsaid invaded the room. What would happen when the Network and Azure Edge declared open war? What would happen if they met each other again? What would happen if she decided to go back and lie about Leng's death? She glanced at the drell again. Her thoughts were in an uncharacteristic whirlwind. She didn't even know how to think of him. Were they still enemies? They couldn't possibly be friends. She was lost. She let her gaze wander off to the small hole at the edge of the wall.

Time passed at a crawl. The silence was so oppressive that it felt impossible to break with inane questions, and she couldn't bring herself to ask the meaningful ones now.

After an hour or so she heard the crackling of biotics as he prepared to lift the ceiling. He raised his palms to the large stone that was blocking their escape. The blue tendrils engulfed it again, and she saw pain on his face as he tried to lift it. His ridged eyebrows frowning in effort. The stone slowly moved to the side. He grunted as the weight seemed to crush him. He was beautiful. Powerful. The stone finally fell to the side, and he silently helped her climb out of their prison. His hand on her waist when he steadied her made her shiver. The hands of the best assassin, gently helping her up.

From the edge of the bunker, she extended a hand in return. The soft scales of his fingers strongly gripped her hand as she pulled him out.

They walked out of the temple into the desolated landscape, ravaged with cracks and crevices. Without a single word or a single look back, they separated to walk their different paths.

 _So this is goodbye_ , she thought, as she headed to the shuttle.

Suddenly, she felt a familiar scaly hand seize hers and pull her back. Before she could react, she was in his arms. The embrace was tender, nothing like Kai's. Sweet scent of leather and spice and the warmth of his body against hers. He gently raised her chin, and their eyes met in the heat of Tuchanka. She wanted to kiss him, her eyes lingering on his parted full lips. She didn't care if it had meaning or not. But he released her and murmured, "Goodbye"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh, I'm just here to relax."

"That's bullshit." Jack said bluntly.

Shepard chuckled. She had been sitting at the bar in Chora's Den for a long time, trying to get drunk. The Illusive Man had grounded her to the Citadel until he figured out what to do with her. She had lied about Leng's death. _'Krios killed him and ran away when a thresher maw attacked us'_. But the man was not that gullible and it was an understatement to say he wasn't very happy about the situation. If he had any reason to think she was not loyal to him anymore, she could kiss her paychecks goodbye.. or her life. And the death of his second-best assassin was serious enough for him to consider open war with Azure Edge.

So she waited. And she drank. Until Jack showed up. The small tattooed woman was the best biotic of the Network and a real pain in the ass, but Shepard liked her. She was bold, outrageous. When she had entered Chora's Den in an outfit that left nothing to the imagination, everyone had stared at her. Now she was staring at Shepard and said in her own blunt way, "You never relax. You're not the type."

Shepard was drunk enough to be in the mood for a conversation. She finished her glass.

"Okay. So what's my type?" she asked watching the asari dancers tease the audience.

Jack sat at the counter and ordered a shot of Noverian rum. "You're the cold, calculating killer type. I'll be damned if I ever saw you relax before. What's up, Shepard? You miss the angry boy scout? You two were fucking, right?"

She was going to need more alcohol to answer that. She turned to the overworked human barman.

"What's your strongest drink?"

"Ryncol."

"Yeah, besides that?"

"Burukh, I guess."

"I'll have one."

The barman nodded, then reached for a bottle and poured some horrible mixture in a glass. He set it on fire, put it out, then put the glass, still steaming, in front of her.

"Enjoy."

She took a sip, frowned, and deemed it enough to get her hammered. She turned back to Jack, who was still waiting.

"You gonna answer me or what?"

"Why don't we dance instead?"

The biotic looked frustrated at first, but then the prospect of seeing Shepard dance won her over.

"Alright, fuck it. I'd pay to see you dance, ice queen."

She walked to the dance floor while Shepard finished her drink a bit too quickly and followed, staggering.

Jack was already dancing frantically, throwing her arms in the air and shaking her hips like a lightning bolt. She was sexy in her own style but it was rough enough to shock some asari and turians around them. Shepard began dancing clumsily at her side. She knew she danced like a drunken pyjak with a broken leg, especially next to Jack, but she just didn't give a damn tonight. Tonight was about drinking, dancing and forgetting. Jack watched her, clearly amused.

"Oh, come on, don't be shy, you can do better than this. You look like a stick with arms!"

Jack took her hands and began undulating sensually her body against her, but at this point, Shepard didn't care. She responded by adapting her rhythm to Jack's, and they danced like this for a while, under the ravenous stares of many patrons.

Chora's Den was blurry, or maybe it was the alcohol, but for once she let her guard down. She sank into the flashing lights, loud music and the energetic dance with Jack until the room was spinning too much for her to stay upright. She staggered her way back to the bar. Jack didn't follow, too caught in her own frenzy.

Her seat was still mercifully free, but someone was sitting on the next one. She asked for a light drink this time, something less krogan, feeling like she had already reached her limit and should not push further.

"It's on me," the stranger next to her said.

She turned slightly to study him. To her surprise, it was a drell. A blueish one with black markings on the sides of his face and a gravelly, teenage voice that made her cringe.

"Er… Too young for me, no offense."

"I'm not looking for sex!" he stammered a little too loud, "I just want company, if you're okay with that."

Normally, she didn't do the shrink thing with anyone, but she was intrigued...and really drunk.

"Okay, I guess," she answered awkwardly. "So, what are you doing here exactly? You look awfully young to hang out in such a place."

"I'm an adult, you know, lawful age and stuff…"

"Alright, alright, I'll bite. So why does a…young adult like you hang around this shitty place offering drinks to people like me?"

He hesitated. "Tomorrow I need to do…something big, so I just wanted to think about something else and have fun. In case I fuck up."

"Huh. And what exactly is _something big_?" she asked, all inhibitions long gone with the alcohol still in her system.

He stared just past her ear, unwilling to meet her gaze, obviously reluctant to admit his goal. Embarrassing or illegal, she guessed. He must have thought her too drunk to remember in the morning because he muttered, "Kill someone."

She sniggered. The kid looked offended.

"Sorry, kid, but you really don't seem like an assassin to me." Her voice was harsh, but she felt concerned with the kid's fate. She was overwhelmed by guilt, and between that and the alcohol, she was feeling like a good Samaritan tonight. If she could stop one kid's life from going to shit she would feel better. Whatever the reason, she felt like he deserved a better life than the one she had lived.

"Oh yeah? Why?" he said a bit too loudly.

"Trust me, this isn't for you. You don't have the guts to get into this world."

"And just what would you know about _this world_?" His voice was annoyingly aggressive. _So much for good company_. Through the vapors of alcohol, Shepard couldn't take the attitude of this little brat any longer.

She reached for Eris and grabbed the teenager's shoulder to pull him close. She laid her dagger against his stomach, under the counter and unseen. He shrieked.

"Listen to me, dumbass," she snarled in a low menacing voice, suddenly sober. " _This world_ is my world. See this dagger? This is how it feels to have your life threatened, and this what you'll feel constantly if you set a foot in my world. How do you feel now?" He swallowed with difficulty, and she could see fear in his dark eyes. "That's what I thought. If you're just looking for action or some meaning to your life, enlist in the military. This is not for you."

"Is this man annoying you, ma'am?" The barman asked, concerned.

She withdrew Eris discreetly and let the boy go.

"Get out of here." She said, cold and calm, to the drell. She didn't have to say it twice. He ran away from the club fast as he could.

She looked at the barman, smiled and said, "Kids! Am I right?"

* * *

Jack finally had enough dancing and collapsed on the counter, panting. "Oh boy, that was good. I didn't know you had it in you, ice queen."

"Me, neither," Shepard replied absently, still thinking about the drell.

"Oh, I got this for you." She handed her a note with numbers on it.

"Is this link data for an omni-tool?"

"Seems like the turian over there likes you." She gestured to a very drunk turian that winked at them from across the room.

"Hell no."

"What? Not into turians?" Jack asked with a wicked smile.

Shepard shrugged and Jack started laughing while she ordered two more shots of Noverian rum and put one before each of them.

"Oh come on. Don't be such a tight ass! I'm trying to be friendly here." She paused. "So what really happened on Tuchanka? Everyone knows your report was bullshit. That's obviously why you're stuck here."

"Wait. Everyone? How is _everyone_ aware of my reports?" Shepard asked hastily. The prospect of the whole Network wondering about her missions had her worried.

"Kelly can't keep her mouth shut. I still don't know how she hasn't been fired yet. Isn't secrecy the whole principle of this shithole anyway?"

 _Oh, great_. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse.

"And you're kind of a star around the org, so everyone wants to know," Jack added.

As much as she liked the little biotic, she hated being pushed like this, and she felt like a spotlight had been lit right on her face. Maybe Leng's fit of anger towards Kelly was more justified than she originally thought.

"Well, everyone can just shove the rumors up their ass! Everything that happened is in the report," she snapped.

"Okay, okay, calm down, I didn't mean to piss you off. I'm really sorry about angry boy scout, you know. I'm not gonna pretend I liked him, but he was a real badass."

They stayed silent for a while, loud music filling the space.

"Yeah. I guess he was," Shepard answered gloomily, looking at her glass. She swallowed the contents in one gulp.

Now that the guilt had came back, she felt like drinking wasn't doing anything to numb her emotions.

"How would you feel about a little sparring match, tattoo girl?"

Jack's expression was a mixture of surprise and anticipation. "Er… Sure! But hey, don't try the nickname thing, ice queen. It doesn't suit you."

* * *

"Kelly!"

Shepard enjoyed the way Kelly jumped when she decloaked behind her ear. Jack sniggered and headed for the training room.

"Wha… What can I do for you Shepard?" she stuttered.

The assassin had a predatory smile on her face. "I need a favor. Can you learn to keep your mouth shut? Pretty please?" Her innocent tone contrasted in a frightening way with the crooked smile on her face.

The secretary shivered. Her eyes were suddenly very moist. "Of… of course… I... "

"Good. Because I can always shut it permanently for you. It'd be my pleasure to help."

The cold, dead glint in her eyes revealed her utter lack of mercy and her smile broadened when she saw the horrified look on Kelly's face. Without adding anything, she headed after Jack, delighting in the sound of gross sobbing behind her.

She had to admit that fighting with Jack was cathartic. The little woman fought like a deadly hurricane. There was no real technique in her fighting style, but it was efficient. Her biotic powers were impressive. Shepard had decided to fight hand to hand and had a hard time approaching the tattooed tornado without getting crushed by her powers. The duel wasn't as enjoyable as the ones with Krios, but it allowed her to forget about the guilt and her mixed feelings for at least an hour. They were both exhausted and drunk, yet the adrenaline kept them alert and resourceful.

There was something in Jack's wrath and energy that reminded Shepard of her young years. She had researched everyone's background in the Network, and Jack's was the worst. She had been abducted as a baby by a shady human organisation and raised to be a biotic fighter in a scientific facility on Pragia. Brutal experimentations and conditioning techniques were her life until she escaped and was recruited by the Network. She had understandable anger issues, but she was one of the most valuable assets of the Illusive Man. She was also one of his most loyal. He never asked her to change, just offered her the means to exploit her potential her way while being paid for it. Shepard had always felt weirdly protective towards Jack, but she would never admit it to anyone.

When Shepard finally took the upper hand, they ended up on the floor. Shepard was crouched over Jack, blocking her feet with hers and holding her hands above her head.

"You win, ice queen. How predictable."

"It was a good fight," Shepard said, and she meant it. "Thank you."

She released her, even though she had a feeling Jack liked the position.

"Yeah well, we should do this again sometime."

"How about tomorrow?"

* * *

Weeks passed slowly on the Citadel. The Illusive Man only sent her the occasional shitty mission, and they were all on the Citadel. They were so easy that she was getting bored. He didn't trust her to do anything else. _Who would have thought killing could be boring?_

She spent most of her time quietly ending the life of antihuman political targets or petty criminals that dared stand up to the Network. The rest was used drinking too much and sparring with Jack. When she was alone in her hideout, guilt and weird fantasies never left her.

She could still feel Kai's ghost hand on her cheek and the unexpected tenderness in his eyes at the end. Maybe he wouldn't have been such an 'angry boy scout' if _she_ wasn't such a cold-hearted bitch. After all, Jack kept calling her 'ice queen.'

Thane Krios also occupied her thoughts a great deal more than she wanted. She obsessed about the alien's full weirdly-parted lips as much as the two charcoal pools of his eyes. She should have kissed him when she had had the chance. At least her curiosity would have been sated.

She couldn't deny that she was attracted to him, even though she knew their next encounter was going to be deadly. She had no choice. If she fucked up killing him one more time, even the boring missions the Illusive Man gave her would be remembered as happy times.

She was enough of an asset for him to keep her alive, but his limit had been reached. She kept telling herself that now that Krios and she had saved each other's life, they were even. But the awkward wet dreams that kept waking her at night were a sure sign that it wasn't going to be easy.

She dearly missed the simple life of killing without thinking.

* * *

After a month or so of this dull rhythm, she was going back to her hideout. The mission had been even easier than usual. It had taken her less than an hour to track and terminate a volus who had been studying the keepers. A salarian had put a contract on his head, and what would have been a low-rank mission for apprentices had been pawned off on her.

She was bored and not tired enough to sleep, but Jack was on mission off-world and Shepard didn't feel like hanging out at the Network or drinking herself into oblivion.

She swiftly made her way into the streets near her hideout and quickly reached the maintenance catwalk that led to it. Arriving at the door, she had an unpleasant surprise when she found it already unlocked. She clearly remembered locking it when she left. She unsheathed Eris and kicked it open, ready for anything.

A shadowy silhouette was sitting on her bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	6. Chapter 6

"Who are you, how did you find this place and how did you get in?" Shepard asked authoritatively to the dark silhouette, Eris twitching with anticipation in her hand.

He stood up and walked into the light projected by the outside traffic, both hands joined behind his back. His scales glimmered in the red and yellow lights.

Krios.

"You may think that this place is secretive, but you live in a rather poor neighborhood," he commented with his familiar deep voice and calm subvocals. "Drala'fa, the ignored, they see, yet they are never seen. It was easy to find you. As for entering, well… this place lacks in security, and the entrance code was easy to crack. However I was… flattered by your password."

Shepard, who usually prided herself with hiding her emotions suddenly flushed redder than red. After Leng had broke in, she had changed the password to _fuckthanekrios_. She was definitely going to install a retinal scan. Why was _he_ here? And why did people constantly break into her hideout?

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right now," she warned, raising Eris higher.

"I'm already dying."

"What?" He had taken her completely by surprise.

He was as serene as always, as if he had just stated the weather status.

"I am terminally ill. Kepral's syndrome. I only have a few months left. It is not contagious," he assured her. "I came here to thank you. I couldn't contact you directly since it would have put you in an uncomfortable position with the Network. But if you wish to kill me instead, it is not going to change my fate."

She took some time to process what he had just said, lowering the dagger. She had no idea what to feel about this and didn't try.

"Why would you want to thank me?" she asked in a confused voice, abandoning the idea of killing him for now.

"You saved my son."

_What now?_

"Er… Listen, Krios, I don't want to offend you, but I have no idea what you're talking about." But the image of the blue drell suddenly dawned on her before he started explaining. "Wait. That guy was your son?" she exclaimed.

He nodded. "But how did you know it was me? I didn't tell him my name and don't even know his!"

"We already spoke about eidetic memories. He precisely described a… very drunk red-haired human and her dagger. His memory was quite detailed. This weapon is unique. It had to be you." He paused. "I had not seen him in ten years, I heard he was taking a dark path, but I arrived too late. You apparently scared him enough that he reconsidered his life choices, for which I am grateful."

What were the odds? Shepard was lost in her thoughts for a second.

"Well. You're welcome, I guess. Your son is a little brat," she finally said.

He laughed, but it sounded bitter. "I'm afraid I am responsible for that."

There was a long silence.

"I had to grow up without my parents, and I did fine, so…" she tried, not really knowing why she would want to cheer him up.

He raised a meaningful ridged eyebrow at her and smiled slightly. "I am not convinced our carrier choice is the best there is, Shepard."

 _True_.

"It's not much of a choice. You and I both know this too well."

She regretted her choice of words instantly. She had alluded to his personal background, which she wasn't supposed to know about. He looked confused and turned slightly to study her, silently asking questions. She sighed.

"Shadow Broker. I was searching for weaknesses. Not going to apologize about that."

Studying his expression, she was relieved to see it change to a slight smile.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'd expect nothing less from the Butcher of Torfan," he countered in a serious tone, but his subvocals clearly displayed his amusement.

Her face must have been priceless because he started laughing softly again. The sound was deep and raspy, subvocals dancing in his chest. After awhile she decided it was only fair and smiled.

"So you came here just to thank me and chat about life choices?" she teased, observing him.

She had to admit she was grateful he didn't change his outfit. The leather suited him well. His long collar, that he sometimes adjusted out of habit, gave him a smug look that contrasted with his serious personality. He was a living paradox who talked like an English lord and fought like a devil. She fought the warm feeling in her belly she was now accustomed to from her wet dreams. Her eyes lingered on his lips. He probably noticed, but she didn't care. His face had gone back to the impenetrable mask, and he let almost nothing slip past it.

"Yes," he answered, "you can kill me now, if you wish so."

_Oh, I saw that smile you tried to hide away._

She snorted, and closed on him slowly. Gently laying her hand on the patch of scales on his chest left visible by his vest , she murmured, "Maybe later, then."

He didn't move, but he didn't try to push her away.

"We are very different," he noted.

"Any knowledge of human anatomy?" she asked, not trying to hide her brash smile.

"Ah. I know how to kill them…"

She chuckled, wondering if she should take this as a threat, but his obsidian eyes were smouldering and his body language was open and inviting.

"Well, I don't know anything about drell, but i'm feeling adventurous."

Removing her tactical glasses and tossing them behind her carelessly, she leaned in to press her lips against his. He didn't respond at first, but quickly gave in, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her closer. His lips were soft and spicy, and soon they opened slowly to let her explore- and explore back. His skin under her fingers was rough, as she discovered the texture of his scales by slowly caressing them. She didn't want to think of the consequences of this or the meaning. Eyes closed, she just enjoyed the moment that had haunted her nights for too long. She hungrily removed his jacket and threw it on her desk and attacked the buckles of his shirt. Under them was a zipper. _How convenient_. They kissed again, and as their tongues danced together she started to feel a tingling sensation in her mouth, but she didn't pay much attention to it, caught in the moment.

His hands were exploring her hips and the small of her back, frustrated by her skin-tight suit, which was also protected by a central zipper he didn't dare to approach. She wasn't as shy. She unzipped his shirt and felt the cool scales and muscles underneath, making his breath irregular. She could feel the depth of his training by the well-defined musculature of his abdomen. She discovered that the patterns of dark stripes went all the way to his pants where a bulge started to swell. She pushed him onto the bed. He let her.

He had got rid of his shirt and was now half-naked, his arousal clearly visible and a predatory look in his eyes.

She suddenly realised the world was spinning around her. The colors were brighter, and the assassin was glowing beautifully on the bed.

"Woah. What the fuck?"

"Venom. Humans are highly receptive to it."

"Yeah, I can tell. It's not dangerous, is it? Because you're kind of glowing right now."

He chuckled softly, "No, it's not, but it can be a useful weapon."

"I like the idea," she whispered, smiling.

She slowly unzipped her leather suit and freed her hair, his eyes on her. In her underwear, she crawled on the bed and onto him, while he gazed at her appreciatively. Before she understood what had happened, she was on her back, and he was on top of her, blazing eyes and cool body warming up fast against hers, not shy anymore. She moaned as he kissed the tender skin of her neck. She arched to pull her body closer to him, and he groaned involuntarily as she rubbed her thighs against him. It was the sweetest sound. Everything was bright and colorful. His passionate embrace was very different from what she was accustomed to. Kai had always been violent and fast, sometimes mouthy, while this was slow, tender and silent. She let herself sink into the new sensations, enhanced by the venom, which made her extremely sensitive. The world narrowed down to his body atop hers, all senses focused exclusively on the feel of his skin, the sound of his breathing, the touch of his lips on hers.

The heat between her legs was building fast. He kept exploring her skin with hungry kisses down her neck to the swell of her breasts, coaxing sweet moans out of her. He paused to look at her.

"Are all human females this responsive?" he asked, his curious voice made hoarse by arousal.

Shepard flushed for the second time in the evening. Maybe drell did it in silence.

"... I guess so…"

"It's very... rewarding."

He resumed his trail of kisses until he reached the lacey bra covering her breast. Sliding his hand under her back, he tried to undo it. She seized the opportunity to explore his crimson frills. They were soft like silk, contrasting with the roughness of his scales. He shivered under her lips. After a while, he groaned in frustration. Shepard smiled in his neck. She had read somewhere that drell women didn't have breasts, ergo no need for bras. She undid it for him and whispered in his ear, "That's a skill human males learn fast."

He smiled but didn't respond; he was busy discovering human anatomy. From her hair where he buried his hand to her upper body that he caressed and kissed, he was curiously exploring. He teased the sensitive skin of her nipples with his scaly fingers, observing her reaction and learning fast as it drew shaky sighs and moans from her. The deadly hands of the assassin she had learned to dodge over and over now possessed her, and she loved it. Danger was exhilarating to her and always had been.

Under the influence of his venom, she grew uninhibited and voiced her inner thoughts. "Killing me now would be so easy," she tempted in a sultry voice.

She felt him smile against the underside of her breasts. "Maybe later, then," he echoed.

She reached for the fastenings of his pants, hungry and impatient. At that precise moment, his omnitool beeped.

He froze. Their eyes met, and she knew instantly he was not going to ignore it. He had switched back to seriousness in less than a second. She sighed. He slid out her embrace and checked his message. She twisted on the bed, propping herself up on one elbow to glare at him in frustration.

"You're just going to leave, aren't you?" she grumbled bitterly.

He turned to her and gave her an apologetic look. "I'm afraid this can't wait. I also don't know if I can come back. If I could find this place so easily, my best guess is that the Network is aware of its existence."

He got up and fetched his clothes.

"And what if we meet on a mission?" she asked harshly.

He paused while putting his jacket back on. When their eyes met, his stare was intense and determined.

"Then do your best to kill me."

He left without goodbye. The moment was over, and the assassin was back.

* * *

When Shepard passed by Zaeed on her way to the debriefing room, she didn't linger on their usual small talk. She wasn't in the best of moods. The frustration was still there, and images of the drell along with his scent and taste invaded her mind relentlessly. A few hours after Krios' departure she had been summoned by the Illusive Man. It was about 'something important.'

Anticipation quickly won over as the door closed behind her and the holographic figure of her employer appeared.

"Shepard," he acknowledged, as usual. She nodded. "Before we begin, I should inform you that I no longer trust you."

_No shit._

"I've been asking myself if there was sufficient reason to resume your engagement into this organisation. You've been very valuable to me until now."

 _Such polite ways to say 'kill'_ , she thought. Shepard held his calm stare, not letting any emotion pass through her composed expression.

"However, it seems there are now new variables, and I need efficiency more than I need reliability." He gestured to another one of his famous datapads, lying on the control pad. She took it and started examining it.

"As you can see, the Shadow Broker is asking us for a favor, one that benefits the Network as well. Azure Edge has compromised one of his agents on Ilium. She possesses crucial information, information that also concerns the Network. But her identity has been discovered. This is their best chance to gain an advantage over us. From what we know they will attempt something very soon and in numbers. You will lead the team tasked with the agent's protection. Get her back on the Citadel where the Shadow Broker will arrange for her safety."

"Protection is usually not my field. Why me?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because it's going to be bloody. Azure Edge is not sending just one assassin. They need specialists to get to their target. Our team must be just as diverse and efficient. This is the first battle in the upcoming war. But I'm giving you a warning." He leaned down on his chair, taking a puff on his cigarette and blowing a cloud of smoke out at the projection of herself. His piercing eyes not concealing the threat anymore. "This is your last chance. Take it as a redemption opportunity. There won't be another."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard dearly missed Joker and his weird AI fantasies. It had been weeks since she had needed his services and for this mission, the Network had contracted with a different ship and crew. The stealthy frigate, whose name she had already forgotten but probably had something to do with human-related history, was running smoothly. A nameless VI was updating operative Lawson on their ETA to Ilium, and the taciturn pilot kept scrupulously to himself. Jack was in her quarters, and Zaeed was attending to his riffle's needs religiously, an oil-stained cloth in hand. The Illusive Man had chosen people he knew she was comfortable with. Apart from operative Lawson, whom she disliked but had no quarrel with, Jack and Zaeed were the best she could have hoped for.

However, anxiety clenched her stomach. She had a very bad feeling about this mission. It wasn't the explicit threat of her employer that bothered her but the very high probability of encountering Krios again. She didn't know why his omnitool beeped during their… almost assignation. Maybe he had been assigned with the same mission. The boundaries between friend and foe were more blurred than ever, and she had no idea what kept drawing them together so strongly. She didn't believe in fate or karma, but if it existed it had a wicked sense of humor. He had told her to kill him. She was determined to do so, or she tried to persuade herself. She absently stroke the pommel of Eris, as she often did when she sought confidence. The intricate carvings were beginning to fade from years of repeating the same gesture.

"Arriving at Illium," the robotic, disembodied VI announced. How she missed EDI's sexy voice.

Jack burst out of her quarters in direction of the shuttle. "I'm so ready for this!"

Zaeed laughed and followed her while Lawson geared up.

In the shuttle, Jack joked, "Aren't you gonna make a motivational speech, _Commander_?"

Shepard cringed at the word. Zaeed was snickering softly, and Lawson just looked at her datapad carelessly.

"Kill everyone that gets in our way," Shepard said neutrally.

Zaeed's snigger turn into a frank laugh that filled the vehicle and Jack joined in. Shepard smiled, but she wasn't really in the mood. She reviewed the mission parameters in her head.

_Asari. Nyxeris T'Rashi, alias the Observer. Currently confined in a high-security tower. Seemingly betrayed by Liara T'Soni, another information broker who had probably tipped off Azure Edge._

Despite the cheerful atmosphere of the shuttle, Shepard had never felt this much tension before a mission.

When they disembarked in front of the huge illuminated tower, they were greeted by batarians in armor. The ugliest one stepped forward, rifle on her face and barked, "Code?"

Shepard repressed the feeling of disgust she always had toward the four-eyed creatures.

"Three two zero nine."

The batarian looked at the others, nodded and let them pass.

* * *

Through the glass of the window, the orange and pink lights of sunset illuminated Nyxeris as she paced restlessly in the room.

"We need to go NOW!" she shouted.

Shepard ignored her. She was searching for vents, liabilities, anything Azure Edge could use to get to them. She had sent Jack and Zaeed to secure the perimeter and was waiting for their reports before taking Nyxeris to the shuttle. Lawson was watching the control screen for security flaws, strange loops, anything.

"Still nothing," Lawson said.

"Good. Massani, Jack?" Shepard asked into her earpiece.

"Clear," Massani's deep voice answered.

"Nothing here," Jack added.

"Okay, let's go, Observer. Lawson, you're in the back, I lead. Zaeed, Jack, I wanted updates every 60 seconds on your position and status. Keep your eyes open, we meet downstairs."

"You're good at this, ice queen," Jack teased. "Still clear."

"Move," Shepard ordered, and the panicked asari obeyed. The door of the elevator hissed and they got in. No word was uttered. Things were going too well. She had a bad feeling about this. The elevator was incredibly slow, which added greatly to her paranoia.

"Massani, update."

No answer.

"Jack?"

Again, nothing. Her finger twitched toward the trigger as she instantly went to high alert.

There was some radio static but nothing intelligible. She swore under her breath while Miranda quickly drummed her fingers on her omnitool.

"Someone's jamming the signal. They're here."

Nyxeris' breathing got very loud.

"We can make it to the shuttle. Once we're there, you take the Observer to the ship, Lawson, I'll deal with the rest."

"Are you crazy? I have a fucking target painted on my face, and we just go out there?" Nyxeris blurted out.

"Maybe I should take you back up there where you can just just wait for them to pick you up. You'd like that? We don't have a choice. You move or you get to redecorate the walls of an interrogation room with your blood." Shepard replied coldly.

The asari shivered and fell back to silence.

The elevator finally came to a halt.

"Be ready," Shepard warned, taking out her Stinger.

The door hissed open. The batarians were dead. Corpses everywhere. There was no sound and no one to be seen.

"Watch out for snipers. The target won't get shot, they want her alive, but not us. Look out for that spot over there," she gestured to a high, broken window on the opposite building. It looked empty, but Shepard knew a sniper spot when she saw one. If there was ever a time to be paranoid, this was it.

The small group ran to the shuttle. When they were in the middle of the small yard, there was an explosion.

The shuttle burst into pieces, and Shepard shoved Nyxeris to the ground to avoid being struck.

_Shit._

"PROTECT THE OBSERVER!" Shepard shouted to Lawson, who was still shaken.

There were gunshots. Shepard recognized the sound of Zaeed's rifle and soon saw him emerge from the rear of the building.

"Get to cover!" Jack screamed from the other side as a grenade fell next to the little biotic. It exploded as she jumped behind a crate, her biotic shield down.

Shepard quickly grabbed Nyxeris' arm and got her behind what was left of the shuttle door as Zaeed reached them.

Three shadows emerged from where Jack and Zaeed had fled.

_Not three. Four._

Shepard spotted the distinct shimmer of a cloak not far from the enemy group. There was a reddish salarian with only one horn, raising an M9 Tempest at them, a quarian with a combat drone… and of course, the last one just had to be Thane Krios. She cursed as she stared at the deadly assassin.

This was bad.

"There's a cloaked enemy on your left, Miranda. You take them," Shepard ordered. "Zaeed, you still got ammo?"

"Yes."

"You take the salarian. Jack, you alive?" she shouted to the crate behind which the biotic had disappeared.

"And kickin'. Bring it on."

"Take the quarian, be careful of the drone. Whatever happens, no one gets near the Observer."

Shepard unsheathed Eris. All her fears had come true. It was time to kill or be killed.

"Let's dance."

She rushed directly at Krios while the rest of her team started their own duals. Biotics immediately bloomed in his hands, and he dodged her first attack with agility and grace. She heard Jack scream her rage at her opponent in the distance and Jessie firing in the hands of Zaeed. Miranda made no noise yet. She was searching for the cloaked enemy.

Shepard dodged a blow and heard biotics crackle near her ear. Krios was ruthless. It wasn't a dance anymore. One of them was going to die. His predatory look was back, but there was nothing gentle in it this time. Eris was striking everywhere at once, not leaving any second wasted, yet never touching him. He dodged everything. The fight seemed to go on for hours, both of them caught in focus and anticipation. She couldn't fail. The mere thought of failure gave her even more energy as she desperately tried to land her attacks. But he was lithe and lightning fast.

After a while, Jack screamed louder than usual. It distracted Shepard. She immediately took a devastating blow to the cheek. The strength of Krios' biotics sent her flying on the ground a few meters away. The world spun around her. She quickly got back on her feet and spit out the blood from her mouth, the metallic taste of it on her tongue.

She swore under her breath. Eris was still in her hand, hungry for a taste of Krios' blood. Her team was still fighting around her. Zaeed had taken a bullet to the shoulder but was still on his feet. Nyxeris was crouched behind the blown-off door, safe. Before Shepard could check on the others, Krios closed on her. She dodged his blow, but she was still disoriented. She quickly jumped back, but his second strike hit her solidly in the chest. She fell again, her stunned lungs struggling to breathe. She couldn't recover quickly enough. He was on her, his hands on her throat squeezing hard, no mercy in his eyes. Her vision started to blur as she desperately tried to breathe.

Suddenly, he began coughing. His palms twitched against her neck as he tried to stay in control, but the fit was too strong. In a last adrenaline rush, she managed to raise Eris high enough to inflict a deep cut on his forearm. He hissed and let go, still trying to contain his coughing fit. She evaded his deadly embrace to quickly get behind him and lay Eris against his throat.

_Don't hesitate._

_Now!_

Her hands were shaking. His coughing fit was calming slowly, and time to act was running out. A million thoughts coiled painfully in her head while her hand refused to move. _Why?_

"Do it," he said in a faint labored voice.

"I can't…"

Around them, the fight went on. Zaeed had managed to corner the salarian but was having a hard time breaking through his armor. Jack was unconscious on the floor, and the quarian was running toward Miranda, who was now fighting a very agile, hooded human.

"Do it," he repeated harshly.

Her hand twitched again, but Eris refused to obey.

"I CAN'T!"

Her voice broke. The moment seemed to linger. She couldn't just hold the blade to his throat and do nothing. But she was frozen.

"Then come with me."

He raised his palm to the hand holding Eris and slowly removed it. Shepard didn't resist. She stood where she was, lost. She couldn't go back. The Illusive Man would have her killed. She couldn't possibly go with Krios. He was the enemy. But she couldn't get the job done. He stood up, still unsteady but determined, and locked his eyes on hers. All the animosity was gone.

"Come with me."

"I can't…"

It seemed those were the two only words left in her world.

"You don't have a choice," he said gently.

Before she noticed they were even there, tears fell from her eyes, hot and salty on her bloodied face. She looked back. Zaeed was badly hurt, panting on the floor. The salarian was about to land the final blow. Miranda and Jack were unconscious. The hooded human had a gun on Nyxeris' face.

If she left, Jack would hate her for it. No more sparring matches. No more small talk with Massani. No more Jessie stories. But if she stayed… The mission was a failure. It would be suicide. Changing sides had no guarantee. Changing sides meant all the money in Citadel space would be put in contracts for her head. She had no choice, he had said it.

"Don't kill them," she surrendered.

"Mordin, knock him out but don't kill him," Krios ordered on his comm. "Let's go."

* * *

The enemy ship was small and looked old. Shepard was locked up in somebody's quarters, sitting at a table and looking at the stars drifting past the ship's porthole without seeing them. They had let her keep her weapons, since she had no reason to kill them now. She was turning Eris in her hand endlessly, feeling like the blade had betrayed her. She wanted to punch the walls until she made a breach and was blown out into space, but she just sat where she was, empty. She ignored the pain in her jaw and chest. This fight had been hard on her.

The door hissed as someone entered the room. She didn't move, she didn't care.

"Hi, I'm Kasumi Goto. I brought you medigel," she said in a light voice that had a hint of mischievousness running through her words.

Shepard stayed silent. The visitor entered her line of sight and took the chair to sit beside her. It was the hooded woman.

"I get that you don't want to talk, but would you let me take care of your injuries?"

She waited a bit, then took the silence for a yes and started applying medigel to Shepard's cheek and jaw. Her touch was light and gentle, but Shepard hissed at the pain. She couldn't see the woman's eyes, but her expression was soft.

"I'm sorry. Thane said you might be hurt on the chest. Can I have a look? I'm not Mordin, but he's busy interrogating the target right now."

"I'm fine, thanks." Shepard's voice was harsh, a bit broken.

"You sure? Okay. You can come with me to the mess if you'd like. There's no use keeping you locked up. I'm sure you must have questions."

She stood up, left the medigel on the table and walked out, leaving the door unlocked as promised.

* * *

After a few hours, Shepard went to the mess, tired of living with her gloomy thoughts. The quarian girl was carefully manipulating some kind of unknown device, and gave her a shy nod."I'm Tali," she said. From her voice, Shepard could deduce she was young.

There was a muffled cry. Shepard turned around and realized it came from a nearby room.

"Mordin is a former Special Task Forces operative," Tali explained. "He has… interrogation skills." She shuddered.

Shepard didn't really care. Now that her mission had failed, what happened to the asari was clearly out of her hands.

"I need an extranet access. You blocked my omnitool," she said to Kasumi who was leaning up against the wall near the cockpit.

"Why?" Krios asked, entering the room behind her and making her jump. She couldn't help but notice the bandage on his right forearm.

"By now, the Network will have put a contract on my head. I want to see how much I'm worth."

"One million credits," he answered casually, making himself some tea.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"Impressive," Kasumi stated.

"You checked?" Shepard asked in disbelief.

"I did," the drell answered, sipping his beverage. "Aria will offer protection."

"I don't need protection," she snarled.

No one answered, but the silence was eloquent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard was having a hard time coming to terms with the idea that filthy Omega was now her new home. Batarians were everywhere. The air was foul. Loud bass from Afterlife made the ground shake on several levels. What had she gotten herself into? She wanted to cloak, call Joker, go full rogue and get killed in Citadel space.

But instead, she was following Krios and his team to Aria. The overcrowded corridors didn't bother them. People stepped aside like frightened kittens. She wondered how Azure Edge managed to stay that secret if every shady batarian or vorcha knew who they were. _Fear_ , she thought, remembering the quarian.

They entered Afterlife by the rear entrance, VIP written in neon on top of the door. The turian guard didn't even ask for a password. No one spoke, they just climbed the stairs to the highest floor of the club, where Shepard had never been. She suddenly realized how close she had been to Azure Edge's boss while only searching for her name.

They finally reached Aria, who was talking with a batarian. She was probably the most regal asari Shepard had ever seen. Hard eyes, painted eyebrows and chin, and a voice that implied 'don't fuck with me.' She was beautiful in her own badass way. Aria T'Loak, the pirate queen of Omega, was sprawled out on a sumptuous couch. There was a pause in her speech when she saw them arrive. She gestured absently to the batarian to go away, and before Shepard could react, she was helpless, lifted by biotic tendrils in the air, upside down. She struggled for a while, but finally let go. It was futile to resist.

Aria stood up, a broad smile on her face, palm opened absently to keep Shepard in the air.

"Thane, report," she ordered.

"Both objectives have been fulfilled with no casualties."

_Both objectives?_

"Mordin extracted the intel from the Observer, now deceased," The salarian nodded with a content smile. "And Shepard lies before you," Krios finished, emotionless.

Shepard had a hard time thinking with all her blood rushing to her head. It didn't make sense. He was implying…

"What?" Shepard asked with a faint voice.

Krios didn't move or look at her. Understanding started to make its way to her aching brain. Aria turned to her and raised her body a bit higher so she could be at eye level.

"I'm sorry for this less than warm welcome, Shepard, but you're the enemy's best assassin, and even though I'm impressed with Thane's seduction skills, I don't trust you yet."

_I'm the secondary objective._

"You bastard!" Shepard snarled to the drell, still immobile. "You let me win on purpose? You fucking knew I couldn't kill you, so you… you played me!" She was thinking out loud at this point, too angry to care.

He ignored her. "She is now wanted for one million credits. It is safe to assume she has no other option than joining us."

"Damn, you're expensive," Aria noted, reflecting on her options while still examining Shepard.

The world started to blur as black stains appeared at the corner of her eyes. Thankfully, the asari closed her hand, the blue halo disappeared and Shepard fell flat on the floor. It took all she had not to attack Krios. Her own options were more than limited: she didn't have any. She wouldn't make it out alive if she went berserk right now. Anger clenched her stomach. Everything had been a trap, and she had made it easy for him. _Fucking idiot_ , she cursed herself. She had been weak, and she had lost everything. How could she have been so stupid? What was true, and what was manipulation? Aria waited for her to recover and gestured to the couch, inviting her to sit next to her. Shepard stood where she was.

"Don't be mad. I never could resist drell charms myself, even though this one never actually needed mine," she offered softly. Krios was now a perfect statue, hands joined behind his back and a neutral expression on his face. "I'm offering you a job. If you fuck with me, I'll have you killed and get the money anonymously instead, but I'd rather turn my enemy's best operative against him. I'll offer protection, and of course, money. You're safe on Omega for now. No one would dare oppose my decisions. Just pledge your allegiance to me in return."

"As if I had a choice," Shepard replied blankly. "I'm in."

"Good." The asari stood up and addressed the crowd on the floor. "Drinks are on me tonight!" she shouted, her voice amplified. There were exclamations of joy as she sat back on her couch. "You can go now. I'll see you later, Shepard. I have many questions. And you," she gestured to the whole team behind Shepard, "you never cease to amaze me. Bray! Send Nyreen in."

Krios turned back and left without a word. The others followed, Shepard included. On her way out, they passed by a female turian in red armor. She had never seen a female turian before.

"Have you any place to stay?" Krios asked, walking in front of her as they exited Afterlife. Omega was one of the only planets where she didn't have a hideout.

"No."

"You can stay at mine."

"Fuck you. I'd rather sleep in the streets," she growled.

"Come with me then, I have a pretty comfy couch," Kasumi tried.

"It's settled then," Krios acknowledged before turning in a nearby street and disappearing from their sight.

There was an awkward silence as Shepard followed the rest of them.

"So… uh… I'll catch you later, Kasumi," the quarian mumbled and escaped quietly before the hooded woman could answer.

"Need to get back to the clinic," the salarian added, following Tali's trail.

"Oh well," Kasumi commented. "It's just you and me now, I guess."

She led them through endless filthy corridors and narrow corners. Shepard was intrigued by her. Kasumi seemed so fragile, yet so confident.

"What's a human doing in Azure Edge?" she asked. "I thought they were strictly alien."

"Not at all, we're not strictly anything in fact. That's a Network thing. I'm what you could call a professional thief. I somehow ended up trying to steal from the wrong pirate queen, but instead of killing me, she offered me a job. I kinda liked her style, so I stayed. What about you? How did you end up being ordered around by the Network?"

Shepard frowned at the question. She could have shut down the conversation, but the thief's voice was gentle. It didn't feel like she was trying to antagonize her at all. She was just being frank.

"I was freelancing, taking every contract I found, it was all I knew how to do. All I wanted was money, so one day I guess my skills got famous and they made an offer I couldn't refuse. Sorry I don't have the tragic backstory you hoped for," she lied.

She had carefully avoided the childhood part, or naming the Illusive Man in the conversation. She was going to have to reveal what she knew to Aria soon, but the secrecy reflex was still anchored deep inside.

"Well, as a thief, pursuing wealth is something I can understand. I think we're gonna be good friends."

Shepard didn't answer. She didn't know if she wanted friends. Kasumi was nice but a bit too familiar for her taste.

"We're here! Home, sweet home."

They had arrived in a 'residential part' of the space station. It looked like big soda cans stacked one upon the other. The one they had stopped in front of had a big door with a retinal scan on the side that painfully reminded Shepard she wouldn't have to upgrade security in her hideout anytime soon. Kasumi put her eye in front of the device, and the door opened. Shepard expected a shitty place but was pleasantly surprised. Her host had somehow managed to make it classy with antique paintings on the walls and a red leather couch facing a window that had a view of Afterlife.

"I think I get the thief part now," Shepard commented appreciatively.

"Oh, it's nothing really," Kasumi answered, clearly ironic. "Hey, bring your eyes over here so I can add you to the allowed guest list on the retinal scan."

Shepard obliged.

* * *

"... so I told him to fuck off and when he didn't, I knocked him out. It was too bad, he was hot as hell. Then I stole the statue."

Shepard smiled absently while polishing Eris with care. She had been exchanging anecdotes with the thief on the leather couch for a couple of hours. She had been listening more than she shared, but she was starting to like her company. She even unblocked her omnitool. She almost felt good. Mindless chatter was a welcome distraction from her anger.

"About Thane…" Kasumi started.

 _Just when I started to enjoy this,_ Shepard thought, mood instantly souring.

"Don't be too mad at him. If it helps, he has always refused missions involving seduction before. I don't know exactly what he did to get you on our side but… You have to be special if he accepted the job. He never gets close to anyone unless it's to kill them," she said softly.

"I don't want to talk about this." Her voice was harsh and bitter.

Kasumi was silent for a moment.

"Okay. Maybe you should-"

There was a loud beeping sound. Kasumi stood up and walked to the door, checking the visitor's identity.

"Oh. I should go. See you later, Shepard," she said hastily.

The door opened. Kasumi fled, and Krios walked in, nodding at her on her way out. Shepard was immediately on her feet, adopting a fighting stance unconsciously. He was emotionless, as always, standing at the entrance while the door hissed closed.

"What do you want?" Shepard snarled.

"Put away your weapon. I wish to talk."

She realized she still had Eris in her hand.

"Well maybe I don't," she retorted bitterly, putting back the dagger in her sheath.

"I apologize if I hurt you," he offered gently.

"Yeah? That's a bit easy now that you've turned my whole life upside down, fucking space lizard!" she shouted angrily.

There was a pause.

"I didn't quite get the subtlety of your insult, but you have to understand we were never friends, Shepard. Enemies can't be betrayed."

It hurt more than it should have. He was right, he had done his job. She hadn't. She wanted to punch him and his undisturbable calm right in the face. She punched the wall instead, hurting her knuckles in the process.

"Okay. So you sent your son to me because you knew I would stop him, just to get a chance to bang me? You're a fucking good actor, I give you that. I made things _so_ easy for you."

"No. This was just a useful coincidence. I'm still grateful to you."

Shepard took some time to process his words, pacing angrily in front of the couch. She didn't know what to believe anymore.

"So what was true, and what wasn't?" she asked, her voice made raspy by anger.

He sighed, took a chair and crossed his fingers before him on the table.

"I made my report to Aria after Tuchanka. She saw potential in you, and she tasked me with this mission. I could have refused it, but I didn't. I knew you couldn't kill me, and I knew something linked us. When my son told me what you had done, I knew what I had to do. It went more… smoothly than I expected. I then got assigned to Ilium where there would obviously be retaliation from the Network. Should you be part of it, I planned to lose. It worked," he explained in a neutral tone although his subvocals sounded sad.

"The coughing fit was fake," she muttered, defeated.

"I had told you about Kepral's."

Her anger was slowly transforming into pure bitterness.

"You never cared." She hadn't meant to say this out loud. It just came out as a realization.

"I care. But I haven't much time left, and I'm afraid I have no love to offer," he replied sadly.

"I never asked for love," she said flatly. "Just get out. Please."

She knew he was trying to make eye contact, but she just stared at the floor. He stood up and walked out the door without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	9. Chapter 9

_I haven't much time left._

The assassin's words spiraled in Shepard's mind relentlessly as she wandered, cloaked and aimlessly, in Omega's labyrinthine intestines. She had fled Kasumi's presence as soon as the thief had come back. She needed to be alone. She was starting to realize she was more angry at herself than at Krios. He had acknowledged the undeniable link between them. It was a link she couldn't identify precisely as a defined concept. Being unable to kill someone was not really a suitable basis for a relationship, whatever the nature of it. Sexual attraction? That was an understatement. She was drawn to him like a bee to a honeypot. But it was not love. She never loved, never had tried, never would. Did he think her that _weak_? Why had she thrown her life away for something she couldn't even name, with a dying man she didn't even know?

She was drowning in bitterness, swiftly dodging passers-by and making her way deeper into Omega's core. She didn't care if she got lost. Her omnitool could guide her back. She hoped the Illusive Man was foolish enough to send his men to kill her. After all, she had been on Omega before herself. She was in desperate need of a fight. Any fight. Maybe she could bump into a batarian, find a way to piss him off enough to be able to soothe her murdering mood. Batarians were her favorite thing to kill. She had just cracked one hundred.

An incoming call on her omnitool stopped her before she could put the idea to practice. The address of the device calling was unknown to her. She accepted the call.

" _Shepard, this is Aria. You're about to get a chance to prove yourself. Your location says you're on level four."_ Shepard winced. Of course they would have put a tracker on her omnitool. She wondered if Kasumi had done it. _"That's the part of Omega where gangs get into constant fights. The one I'm backing is in bad shape right now. I'm sending you coordinates and info. Give them a hand. I'll send your pay to a new safe account. Come to me when you're finished. This should be fairly easy for you. Don't disappoint me."_

Aria ended the communication, apparently confident enough to not need any confirmation. Shepard was grateful to have found something to fight anyway. The omnitool immediately beeped with the coordinates she had just sent along with a simple message.

' _Help Talons; destroy Blue Suns.'_

' _Acknowledged._ '

Shepard had already had to fight the Blue Suns, so she knew what to expect: batarians, humans and LOKI mechs, usually discreet and ruthless. However, all she knew about the Talons was that they were mostly turians and wore red face paint. She remembered that the turian female visiting Aria had those markings. She and Aria were probably allies.

She headed to the brawl. It didn't take long before she heard the piercing sound of gunshots. It was sweet music to her ears as she crept, invisible, to a high vantage point where she could plot her strategy.

When she finally saw the fight, she understood why Aria had thought it easy. The Talons were in bright red armor, making them unmistakable, while the Blue Suns were... well… blue.

Shepard laughed silently. This was ridiculous. An insult to stealth and subtlety. She took the Mantis from her back reverently and bluntly broke the window she was facing. The fighters below made so much noise they didn't notice. Through the scope, she carefully landed several headshots, taking down a few enemy LOKI mechs and an unlucky human. They fell like flies, and she remembered Zaeed's voice telling her he had founded this merc group or, as he liked to say, 'a private security organization.' She felt sorry for them. Massani was way more badass than this mess of uncoordinated fighters. The Talons seemed more efficient in their way of fighting.

Suddenly, she spotted the female turian from earlier through her scope. She had fled her cover, and a group of Blue Suns had her cornered. She took some down with her assault rifle, but she was still stuck, and blue-armored batarians were fast closing on her. Shepard guessed she was the Talons' leader. The Suns' main focus was her. Shepard's sniper rifle wouldn't be of any help, too slow to take down multiple targets. It wasn't a job of precision anymore.

Shepard dropped down, still cloaked, into the brawl, casually breaking a few necks to make her way to the cornered turian. The alien was in bad shape. Shepard had to draw all attention to herself. She decloaked just in front of her, facing the enemy group.

"Gentlemen," she greeted, punching the jaw of the nearest batarian hard enough to hear a satisfying crack.

 _101,_ she counted methodically in her head: updating the number of batarians who had died by her hand.

It made her shiver with joy. Taking advantage of her unexpected entrance, she grabbed Eris in her left hand and the Stinger in the right. Her aim would be less precise, but she was

outnumbered. She would have to settle for quantity over quality.

In less than a second, she had dodged a bullet and fired one. Another batarian fell dead.

 _102_.

She jumped in the air, spinning her legs to kick a human that had gotten too close. He landed on a LOKI mech, and that gave her extra time to slice another batarian's throat with her dagger.

_103._

Still in the air, her other leg kicked the helmet off a merc to expose his head, which she immediately shot. She landed gracefully, offering the wounded alien female the involuntary broad smile that had been lingering on her face the whole time. She knew she probably looked like a psycho but, damn, this felt good.

"Who are you?" the Talon asked while Shepard destroyed a mech in a deadly frenzy.

"I guess you could say I'm Azure Edge now," she answered gleefully, mercilessly tearing Eris through the gut of another victim.

She was suddenly shoved down and into the wall by another assailant, one who was incredibly faster than the shitty mercs she'd had to deal with. As the heavy body kept her pinned against the cold surface, she heard the sound of a sniper rifle in the distance, and a bullet buried itself in the wall far too close to her head for comfort. Her assailant had saved her. She then noticed the two deep pools of black staring at her with concern, which quickly faded away. _Krios_.

She couldn't help the lightning strike of warmth in her stomach when she noticed how close he was. Their noses were practically touching. She could smell the leather and gun oil, along with his peculiar spice undertone. Memories of that night on the Citadel came to her mind as she desperately tried to regain countenance. She was still mad. She focused on the anger.

"You're reckless, Shepard, and it almost got you killed," Krios said with a cold voice.

"Are you stalking me now?" she replied in the same tone as she escaped his grip, cloaked and attacked the nearest opponents, killing them with quiet and brutal efficiency.

 _104\. 105. 106._ Some worthless humans and mechs were mixed in there, too.

Krios used his biotics to lift the sniper from his hiding spot, then violently threw him to the ground where his head cracked open like a melon. He ignored her question.

She realised the Talons were winning. While she had protected their leader, they had gained the advantage. The fight soon ended with the death of their local leader, Tarak, a batarian Shepard didn't get the pleasure of killing.

Behind her, the turian quickly applied medigel to her wounds and stood up to shake her hand. Shepard appreciated the gesture; she knew turians weren't usually familiar with human customs.

"I guess I should thank Aria for this," the leader of the Talons said. She had a calm and collected voice, but she didn't seem particularly pleased by the situation.

"Nyreen," Krios greeted, nodding slightly.

"Thane!" The turian relaxed. "It's always a pleasure to see you, I've been missing our Kepesh-Yakshi nights."

Shepard remembered vaguely that Kepesh-Yakshi was some kind of asari space chess.

"I apologize, I have been quite occupied with personal matters and delicate assignments."

Shepard frowned at his subtle mention of her recruitment. She felt like an intruder. Of course Krios would have friends and relationships. She was nothing more than a seduction mission to him. Maybe he was still playing her. Suddenly she couldn't bear one more second in his presence. She turned on heels, preparing to cloak and disappear back into the bowels of Omega.

"I should go and report."

"Shepard, wait! I will accompany you," Krios offered.

"I can take care of myself, thank you very much." She tried to stay polite in front of Nyreen, but her voice came out a bit too harsh.

The turian tensed, and a low subvocal trill emanated from her chest. Unfortunately for Shepard, translators weren't meant to catch the subtlety of alien undertones. Krios himself made a deep warble that seemed to answer the turian's unspoken question.

"I should come too, I need to… thank Aria for her help, just like I thank you for yours," Nyreen smiled, ill at ease.

Shepard didn't mean to be impolite to the intriguing alien and thought better of making more enemies. She simply nodded. At least she wouldn't be alone with the drell, who seemed relieved by the turn of events.

As they walked to Afterlife, Shepard was glad she didn't have to do small talk. The two aliens exchanged game strategies. They seemed close. Shepard wondered why the assassin insisted on accompanying her and why he had suspiciously appeared in the fight in the first place. She didn't like the idea of him following her, and she abhorred even more the fact that she didn't notice him doing it. Even now as they strolled casually, she couldn't hear his steps, while Nyreen was quite noisy due to her red and gold armor weighing her down.

* * *

Aria raised a brow when the three of them walked in front of the couch that was her throne.

"Well, isn't this a pleasant sight. Shepard, I suppose you're here to report?"

"Everything went smoothly," Shepard replied, not wanting to mention Krios' suspicious appearance.

"I'm glad to hear it. You will receive access to your new account on your omnitool," Aria answered with a smile. Even when she smiled she looked fearsome. She once again invited Shepard to join her on the couch. This time, she obliged. "Why are you here, Thane?" Aria asked.

Nyreen waited patiently, leaning against a wall.

"I happened to be close by. The sound of gunshots drew me to the fight, but Shepard had it well in hand," he explained, subvocals once again expressing something Shepard couldn't comprehend. She couldn't help but scoff her disbelief. Aria stared at her for a moment, then at Krios, an amused smirk on her lips.

"Intriguing. Although you won't be paid since you weren't tasked with this mission."

He simply nodded.

"Nyreen?"

When Aria finally turned her attention to the turian, she took a step forward.

"I came to thank you. Even though I didn't ask for your help, I'm grateful Shepard was there. I suppose you will be asking something in return?" Her voice was a mix of hesitation and annoyance.

"Why would you think such a thing!" Aria exclaimed in a sarcastic voice that made Shepard curious. "I only want your happiness, Nyreen. I let you leave Azure, you owe me nothing. I was only making sure of your well-being."

There was definitely something fishy here. Shepard didn't know the nature of their relationship, but Aria's ironic voice made her uncomfortable.

"Listen, I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I would appreciate if you didn't get involved on Talon territory," the turian countered.

"Can't we be allies? Like old times. Omega would benefit from it," the pirate queen purred.

Shepard cleared her throat, suddenly very aware of the strange tension on the balcony. Only then, Aria seemed to remember that she and Krios were there.

"We will discuss this matter in private another time, Nyreen. We still have a lot to talk about."

"I agree," Nyreen answered in a meaningful tone before quietly leaving.

There was a long pause. Krios was still standing in front of them, a statue once again.

"Come sit," Aria ordered.

He obeyed, taking a place next to Shepard, who was beginning to hate this debriefing.

"I suppose you two are still ice and fire?" Aria asked with a quizzical smirk.

Shepard opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came.

"I have learned a few new insults," Krios replied like it was the most serious thing in the world.

Aria let out a crystalline laugh. "Well, sort it out. Because I need my assassins able to work together soon." The threat was clear in her voice, she wasn't as subtle as the Illusive Man. "But right now, let me call my information broker so you can provide us with intel on your previous employer, Shepard."

She drummed her fingers on her omnitool and soon the holo in the center of the room was occupied by a serious looking asari. She appeared quite young, but her expression gave her gravitas.

"Dr T'Soni," Aria began as the holographic interlocutor nodded. "Shepard is going to reveal important intel on the Network, I'd like you to be-"

"Wait. T'soni? Liara T'Soni?" Shepard interrupted.

Everyone turned to her, waiting for her to explain. She sighed. "Your name was in the assignment I received for the Observer mission. The Network is aware you tipped off Azure Edge. I don't know how, but you should probably be worried."

Concerned looks were exchanged.

"Thank you for this information," the doctor replied. "As soon as we finish this conversation I'm moving to Omega, if it is alright with you, Aria."

"Of course, doctor. You're valuable to me. I won't risk your life. What else can you tell me, Shepard?"

Shepard hesitated. She knew a lot. She had already betrayed the Network, but this…

"If you want to survive, you've got to show a little less loyalty to your former employer and little more to your current," Aria said with a smile that wasn't friendly at all.

"The Illusive Man," Shepard managed to bring herself to say, staring at the floor.

"We are already aware of your employer's pseudonym," Dr T'Soni said gently, to Shepard's surprise. "Do you know his real name?"

_They already knew this? How?_

"No one knows. The Shadow Broker might," Shepard admitted.

"Location?"

"Same."

"Where did you get your orders, then?" Aria insisted.

"Chora's Den, Citadel. Headquarters in the back. Highly secured." Shepard was still looking at the floor, letting information flow out of her mouth without thinking too hard about what she was doing.

"Now this is useful. I'm gonna need a list of names, too," Aria ordered.

* * *

Aria had drained every bit of knowledge Shepard had of the Network, and now, as she left the queen's den, she felt like a snitch. Jack and Zaeed would be targeted, and it was all her doing. She was deep in thought, instinctively returning to Kasumi's place, but she soon noticed that Krios was walking behind her. She stopped in the middle of the corridor and turned to face him.

"Keep following me, drell, and I'll kill you before Kepral's does. Why were you 'close by' in the first place?" she hissed.

"I did not trust your loyalty. I do now. I am merely returning to my own place. There is no need for such animosity."

She opened her mouth, but both their omnitools beeped. They exchanged a confused look before staring down to read.

" _Hey, Tali has convinced Mordin to go get a few drinks at Afterlife, I wouldn't miss it for all the money in the galaxy, wanna come? K."_

The idea of alcohol and music loud enough to cover her thoughts appealed to Shepard, but with Krios in the picture, it looked less entertaining.

"Are you going?" he asked, eyeing her curiously.

"Only if I can drink myself to death and ignore you all night."

He smiled. "I expect you'll be too drunk to even notice me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	10. Chapter 10

"Shepard!" Kasumi cheered as soon as they entered Afterlife, although her face changed to pure surprise when she saw her companion. "Thane? I thought you didn't drink? I keep inviting you, but…"

"I won't drink," the drell assured with a smile. "But you promised Mordin would. I must admit I'm curious."

"Thane!" the salarian appeared before Kasumi, visibly nervous. "I drink, you drink, no excuses. Tali drinking too. Shepard, happy to see you, will need to talk to you. Later. Not suitable environment."

"Hi," Shepard simply answered, not really knowing how to catch up with the rapidity of his speech and noticing Krios hadn't confirmed. Turning to Kasumi she asked, "So what are we drinking?"

The thief laughed. "You two go sit with Tali. I need to find her a straw. I'll bring you something. It'll be a surprise!"

Shepard chuckled. "I don't think you can surprise me with alcohol, but okay, I'll bite."

The assassin gave her a curious look but said nothing. She ignored him and looked around. Soon she spotted the quarian, realizing Mordin had already taken his seat next to her. They were at a table in a small alcove near the dance floor. The mood was surprisingly similar to Chora's Den. Same asari teasing with sexy dances and same fascinated patrons. How she missed Jack... Shaking the thought out of her head, she sat on the couch opposite Tali and suddenly realized she had nothing to say. But thankfully, the alien was already in deep talk with Mordin. To her dismay, Krios sat next to her. He seemed relaxed, his heel on his other leg, listening to the conversation.

"... quarian biology fascinating. Suit technology as well, had the pleasure to study one on dead patient. Synthesized a few antibiotics just in case."

The salarian didn't seem to notice the obvious discomfort in Tali's body language and kept going.

"Mordin, please," Tali eventually interrupted,. "Look at where we are, shouldn't we be talking about, uh… pleasant things?"

Shepard couldn't help but snigger. Kasumi finally appeared, followed by a turian waiter with a tray covered in drinks. She was waving a straw at Tali with a mischievous look.

"Triple-filtered turian brandy?" the waiter asked.

"For her," Kasumi gestured to Tali.

"Thessian Temple?"

"Mordin."

"Memory Stealer?"

"Myself, thank you," she smiled, taking a drink from the tray. She then grabbed the last ones and set them before Shepard and Krios. The drell frowned.

"I told you it wouldn't be necessary, Kasumi, I don't indulge in alcohol."

"Well, I bought it for you, Mr. Serious, so drink it before you hurt my feelings. It's only Kahje wine. You've got nothing to fear."

He sighed and took a sip reluctantly. "Thank you."

"Now Mordin. Go on and tell me if you like it. I didn't find any salarian drinks, unfortunately."

Tali had stayed silent, busy trying to fit the straw into the filter of her helmet, making Shepard smile. The salarian tried his own beverage and immediately made a disgusted face.

"Had forgotten alcohol's horrid taste. Will finish. Only because I promised, though," he commented.

Tali snorted softly while Kasumi laughed out loud. Even Krios offered an amused smirk. Shepard was starting to find the evening interesting.

"Now, what did you get me?" she asked, genuinely intrigued. She raised the glass to her nose. "Smells like a martini."

"Good guess, but it's only one ingredient. I'm pretty sure you've never tasted it. Not in Citadel space anyway."

She felt Krios tense next to her. She turned to study him. He was shooting a furious look at the thief who gave him a mischievous one in return.

"Oh, you've guessed, haven't you? Don't you dare tell her," she threatened, chuckling.

"The joke is pretty bad, Kasumi," he growled.

"If this drink pisses you off so much, I'm sure as hell gonna drink it," Shepard interrupted, shutting down the argument and taking a gulp.

It tasted just like a martini. And nothing else. She waited a bit to see if there was an aftertaste, but it was definitely just a martini. She shot a questioning stare at Kasumi who was grinning ear to ear. There had to be something else to it. She took another sip to make sure. Krios looked concerned, observing her like she was going to explode. Then she felt it. A familiar tingling on her tongue. Slowly, colors started to vibrate and people to glow.

The joke was indeed pretty bad.

"You put fucking drell venom in my drink?" she exclaimed in realization.

"It's called a Weeping Heart. Very hard to find," Kasumi chuckled.

"Knowledge of the substance implies prior experience," Mordin said like he was monitoring some kind of experience, smiling as widely as Kasumi. He was talking faster than usual. Tali burst out laughing, the straw stuck in her helmet and bobbing with her head, while Krios slowly returned to his usual statue state, refusing to look at Shepard.

Shepard had just unknowingly revealed how far his mission had gone, how intimate they had been. She should have been angry, but her spirits were already altered. She started giggling instead and kept drinking.

"I can't believe you guys," she mumbled. "It's actually pretty good though. I must admit you surprised me. You'll pay for this, Kasumi."

The thief bowed theatrically.

"I'm curious, how do they extract it?" Shepard asked.

It was Krios who answered, forcing himself to drink his wine in between sentences: "Drell make it themselves, I won't explain the process, or you might not finish your glass. It's illegal, but very sought-after. Probably because other species tend to find us… exotic." His voice was low and collected, strange subvocals erupting from his chest. The way he had pronounced 'exotic' had done wicked things to her belly. Maybe it was the venom.

* * *

"... but Omega is always pulsing somehow, never silent, you know. It reminds me of the Rayya, the sound of the engines, soothing, like wub wub wub wub…" Tali was lost in her imitation of what Shepard deduced was one of the vessels of the Migrant Fleet. She waved her hands, mimicking the flight of an imaginary ship. Her speech was frequently interrupted by loud hiccups that made Mordin giggle. The salarian had quickly began ordering the same drink over and over, trying to justify himself by explaining that even if the taste was horrible, the effects needed to be examined closely. They were both very drunk. In fact, all of them were drunk. They had been drinking for several hours, and while Krios might have been the most sober -having refused a fifth glass of Kahje wine- he was certainly more talkative. Kasumi seemed deeply absorbed by Tali's description, trying to keep her face straight. But Shepard would bet anything that the hooded little imp was recording the whole thing.

Mordin had managed to shift the conversation to the effects of alcohol on krogan biology, but he talked so fast that Shepard could barely make sense of his babbling. Something about sovak juice helping krogans choose the names of their babies.

"May I ask you a question?" Krios suddenly interrupted, turning to her.

The drell was still glowing beautifully even though Shepard had switched to Noverian rum after her second Weeping Heart. Truth be told, she had only ordered the second one because he disapproved so much. She knew she had sworn she would ignore him, but she was too high to care.

"You can try," she managed to say, diverting her attention from Mordin's constant chatter.

"What's a leezerd?"

The question took her by surprise. His genuine curiosity made her burst out laughing, attracting everyone's attention.

"Oh my god, Krios, you're still on this?" she laughed, "Lizard. It's er.. an animal from Earth, a scaly little creature with googly eyes. Some of us have them as pets, but it's an endangered species now. I don't know why I compared you to it. It's not even a real insult I just thought there was a resemblance."

He raised one of his ridged eyebrow at her, confused.

"Wait. I'm gonna show you."

She quickly made an extranet research on her omnitool, found a perfect picture of a green lizard on a leaf and lifted her arm so he could see it. He stared at it for a while, mixed expressions in his eyes.

"It is, ah… intriguing," he finally said. "I'm quite offended that you compare me to such a harmless creature."

"I could have called you way worse. You deserve it."

"Fair point," he admitted, a strange rumbling coming out of his chest.

Tali leaned to observe the animal and let out a high-pitched laugh.

"It kinda looks like you! It's cute," she shouted.

Before Krios could voice out his displeasure, they were interrupted as an asari approached them and sat suggestively on Mordin's lap.

"Hey, pretty, I've never been with a salarian. Can you dance?"

Mordin looked stunned for a moment, as the asari sensually caressed his cheek, shameless.

"Highly inappropriate," he started. "But rather appealing. Never experienced asari melding."

The intruder, not shocked at all by his straight-forward answer, took his arm to walk him to the dance floor.

"Keelah, this is going too far," the quarian hiccuped.

"Oh my god. I need to film this…" Kasumi was ecstatic.

They spent the next twenty minutes watching Mordin trying to dance. It was cringe-inducing, and Kasumi filmed it all. The poor salarian didn't seem to notice how ridiculous he was, clumsily balancing his arms, trying to match the asari's rhythm. She didn't seem to mind, and they soon disappeared into a dark corner.

"I hope he's not going to be mad at us tomorrow, " Tali commented.

"Nah. He's a big boy, ex-STG. He can handle it," Kasumi reassured, stifling her laugh.

"He has been trained well. If he ever has a problem, asari are easy to kill," Krios added. "Front approach, throat-punch to collapse airway, arm control lock to neutralize biotics, advanced hip throw, grip chin and scalp, neck-snap."

Even with Tali's helmet on, Shepard could _feel_ the horrified gaze the quarian shot him.

"Well, aren't you the cheerful drunken type," Kasumi teased.

"Or… Warp field on her biotic barrier, step past, kick to back of leg to collapse knee, step in with knee to spine and then of course grip chin and scalp, neck-snap. But I'm no biotic, I prefer some dagger action," Shepard added, still dizzy.

"Less clean, but still efficient," he replied with a pleased smile.

"You bosh'tets are disgusting. I'm never getting drunk with you again," Tali whimpered.

A wild idea crossed Shepard's mind.

"Fight me," she said impulsively.

"Excuse me?" the drell hesitated, taken aback.

"Spar with me."

"Here?"

"Of course not, lizard man. Outside somewhere."

"This is the weirdest flirting I've ever witnessed," Kasumi whispered, even though everyone heard her and chose to ignore the remark.

"You're inebriated, Shepard," Krios observed.

"So are you. Come on, you want to make it up to me or what?"

He paused, considering. It didn't take long.

"I do. Follow me," he said abruptly as he stood up and headed toward the door.

"See you later, girls," Shepard beamed, obeying.

* * *

He guided her through several corridors until she was completely lost.

"No biotics," she decided.

"No dagger," he added.

"The first one to pin the other wins."

"Agreed."

"Where are you taking me?"

"One of my favorite training spots."

Shepard couldn't wait. She had missed their dance dearly. It was the only dance she had mastered properly. Only this time the stakes were lower and there was an undercurrent of sexual tension between them. Six, or was it eight, shots of Noverian rum had completely obliterated her promise to ignore the assassin. When they finally reached a little yard that looked just like an arena, she smiled. It was perfect - completely deserted.

_Wait._

It wasn't deserted at all. She spotted the distinct shimmer of a cloak, surroundings blurring around it, a few meters away from them. There was a subtle change in the drell's body language as Shepard realized there wasn't just one. At least three invisible enemies hovered around them.

"Krios," she warned.

"I saw," he whispered.

"I see at least three of them."

"There's five. Maybe more. Probably after you."

"So much for 'safe in Omega,'" Shepard groaned, unsheathing Eris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.
> 
> Also, thanks to inklie on tumblr, a real muse.


	11. Chapter 11

The dance would have to wait. Shepard could already hear Krios' biotics crackling before they had even started to bloom in his palms. She silently cursed herself for being so drunk. She had spotted a fourth shimmering figure further away in the yard, but she couldn't pinpoint the fifth. Thankfully, the venom had disappeared from her system, and at least everything had stopped glowing.

The closest enemy decloaked a few meters away from Krios. The drell prepared to fight but the lean human in front of them raised a hand indicating that he wanted to talk instead of fight. Shepard recognized him. He was one of the lower-rank assassins from the Network. She had trained him for a while on the Illusive Man's orders. His name was William, she recalled, fast but still young and inexperienced, probably sent to make her will falter.

"Shepard," he began, "The Illusive Man wants to speak to you."

Krios adopted his familiar fighting stance, quickly shooting glances around him to make sure none of the cloaked enemies were attacking.

"Oh, hi, Billy," Shepard replied, mirroring Krios' posture. "I see you got a promotion."

Ignoring her remark, William pointed his omnitool forward and the Illusive Man appeared. He looked just as he always did, except perhaps, a bit more resentful, which made her happy.

"Shepard. I'm deeply disappointed," he said by way of greeting. He noticed Krios but pointedly ignored him. "Your betrayal has just delayed the inevitable end of Azure Edge, I hope you are aware of it." He paused to take a puff on his cigarette. "But I'm willing to offer you a second chance, a way to put this regrettable decision behind you."

Shepard let out a loud guffaw, rage making its way back into her body and her inebriated state enhancing it.

"Even if I believed you, and you put one million credits on my head which makes you a liar, I wouldn't come back. In fact there's something I've been wanting to say for a long time." She paused for maximum effect while the Illusive Man leaned forward, trying hard to keep his expression composed. "Go fuck yourself. I will gouge those freakish glowing eyes out of your skull and force them down your throat until you choke on your own ego and ineptitude. I'll have you begging for your own death, but I'm going to make you wait until I'm good and satisfied before I finally rip your stinking guts out of your worthless body."

From the corner of her eye she saw Krios raise an eyebrow to the violence of her promise. But watching her former employer's carefully controlled expression disappear under a murderous rage was one of the most pleasant things she had ever seen. She couldn't wait to see what pain would look like.

"I see you've made your decision," he answered in icy wrath. "Kill them," he ordered and the holographic projection disappeared as its owner rushed forward. Before he could reach them, Krios threw him in the air with a biotic lift, and the drell offered him the same treatment the sniper had experienced earlier in the evening.

"I'm sorry, Billy," Shepard muttered, "but you were on the wrong side."

"Shepard! On your left!" Krios shouted.

But Shepard had already located the nearly-invisible threat running toward her. She cloaked and jumped forward, punching the top of the silhouette she could barely make out, hoping to hit the precise spot on their head to deactivate the implant that made them invisible. It worked. The face of her opponent was familiar, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. They would all be familiar faces. She got behind him, aware of the several blurred figures closing on her and Krios. She quickly wrapped her arm around her target's throat, mercilessly plunging Eris into his lungs with her other arm.

_Three to go._

Krios had taken his submachine gun out and was shooting at the empty space on their right. Any outside witness would have thought him a madman, but the satisfying slumping sound of a body hitting the floor proved otherwise. He was stunning. Frowning in cold concentration, his leather-molded muscular body moving gracefully to the next opponent without the slightest hesitation. The blue halo of biotics around him made the sight even more pleasant.

Shepard wished she could have observed him fight, but gunshots were ringing near her ear as she dodged automatically. She was still dizzy and every sudden movement disorientated her, but she was still capable enough to track the bullets back to the shooter. An invisible opponent aimed at her from the rear of the yard. He was probably as blind as her, both still having the cloaks on. It explained why dodging was so easy. He was only shooting in her general direction. It was too bad she didn't take the Stinger with her. Snaking her way between shots, she closed on him. Her head was spinning with the rapidity of her run. A sharp spike in her right shoulder made her grunt in pain, but she didn't stop.

"C'mere, sneaky," she snarled at her enemy.

She threw a crescent kick at what was seemingly his chest, and it sent him flying against a nearby crate. His weapon went flying as well, away from him. Before her opponent could regain his footing, Shepard stabbed Eris viciously into his center mass.

The yard suddenly fell silent, only disturbed by the crackling of biotics as Krios snapped the last neck. Shepard finally decloaked. Probing her shoulder to evaluate the damage, she hissed in pain. Shredder rounds. It was a real mess. She had a wide collection of scars, but this one would be ugly.

"Damn," she cursed, glaring at the wound and clenching her teeth.

The assassin stood still in the middle of the yard, hands joined, muttering something. He soon finished his prayer and walked to her.

"Are you hurt?" Krios asked with concern.

"Yeah. Sorry, our sparring match will have to wait. I shouldn't have drank so much. Shit. You got any medigel?"

He silently pulled some from an inner pocket of his jacket and before she could take it from him, he started applying it himself carefully on the wound. Cool fingers brushed the mixture over it, making Shepard hiss again, then relax when the gel numbed the pain. Her suit was completely ruined, the leather on the right arm torn apart into pieces. She realised she would have to buy clothes soon, since she hzdn't been able to take anything from the Citadel.

"You should show this to Mordin, medigel won't suffice," Krios gently said.

"Hm… Not until tomorrow, I think he might be occupied right now," she smiled. "Hey, uh… thanks for the help." He nodded. "I don't think they expected to have more than one target."

"You knew them." It wasn't really a question, but she answered it anyway.

"Yeah. The guy you smashed? I trained him. I guess if you got him that easily, I must have been a lousy teacher."

"May his soul travel swiftly to the sea."

Shepard thought the metaphor was strange but didn't ask.

"I made my choice, I've got to live with it. Now, how do I get back to Kasumi's?"

"You shouldn't, there might be more sent to assassinate you. You are in no shape to fight. My place is closer." His voice was gentle but firm; it felt like an order more than a suggestion.

Shepard winced. This wasn't a good idea. She wasn't sure if she was still genuinely angry at him, but she wanted him to believe so. Spending the night with him, even on a couch, would trigger even more rumours. Kasumi would know. His expert fingers still rubbing medigel on her shoulder made her shiver, and the proximity of his scent was already sending inappropriate thoughts to her mind. She searched for his gaze, trying to decode his thoughts, but his expression was back to his usual neutrality.

"You realise I'm still mad at you, right?" she mumbled.

"I'm not trying to corner you into befriending me, Shepard. Don't jeopardize safety over anger."

She chuckled bitterly. "Clever lizard."

"Stop calling me that."

* * *

He hadn't lied; his hideout was just a few corridors away. But it wasn't out in the open like Kasumi's. They had to cross several catwalks leading to a small, reinforced door. He had asked her to cloak while he made himself discreet to get to it.

"I have sent a report of the incident to Aria. We have to meet her tomorrow after I get you to Mordin," he informed, opening the door through his retinal scan.

She followed him in. The place was smaller than Kasumi's apartment. Less decorated, too. In fact, it seemed devoid of any superficial items. Thankfully, there was a couch she could sleep on. A metallic table with only one chair faced a rather small kitchen space. Two doors probably leading to his bedroom and the bathroom. The most interesting thing in the room was a wide lit panel on the wall, covered with well-cared-for weapons. Shepard stepped closer to admire his M-97 Viper hanging in the center of the panel. It was a fine sniper rifle. This was probably what he used to steal the headshot of their first target away from her.

The sudden whistling of a kettle brought her out of her reflections. He was making tea, taking two mugs out of a cupboard. He raised one in her direction, silently asking the question. She was thirsty. Slowly sobering and recovering from the fight had made her tongue dry. She took the mug eagerly and leaned against the kitchen's counter while he took a seat at the table. The tea smelled like petrichor and fresh leaves.

"What is it?" she asked, inhaling the agreeable scent of the beverage.

"A special drell brew from Kahje, not poisoned," he explained casually, softly blowing on his own drink.

She smiled at the joke and took a sip. It was delicious. She had never appreciated tea, but this one had more flavor to it than any she had tasted before. The bittersweet taste on her tongue reminded her of Mindoir's forests. They stayed silent for a moment, quietly enjoying their beverages. It wasn't the usual tense silence she was accustomed to, it was calm and soothing. Afterlife's loud bass wasn't audible here.

Her shoulder still hurt, but she couldn't do anything about it until the next day, so she ignored it.

He finally broke the silence. "If I may ask, why does your blade have a name? What is its… her story? I noticed she is of great importance to you."

Shepard hesitated. "I can explain her name's origin, but her story is deeply related to mine. I won't tell it to you unless I have leverage, and even then, it's not something I like to talk about. It's ugly." He didn't respond, dropping the matter immediately. But an idea came to her mind. "The files I had on you weren't very precise, so here's the deal: tell me your story, and I'll tell you mine."

She had rarely talked to anyone about her past, but she was curious about his own. What had forged his will, what had turned his hands into cold unforgiving weapons, what had made him what he was? He reflected on her proposition for a long time, furrowed brows joined in indecision. The room was only lit by the panel and the outside traffic lights. When he finally answered, his voice was low and determined.

"What exactly do you know of me?"

"I know you were trained under the Compact, but left to go freelance. I know you had a wife, and I know she's dead. I know of your son, whom I met."

He sighed. "Can I trust you?"

"You can always kill me if you don't," she replied.

"That's not what I asked."

"Yes," she finally said.

"Then I agree to your terms. You should sit, this is a long and unpleasant story."

Shepard walked to the couch and buried herself in it, facing the assassin.

"I was born on Kahje, the hanar homeworld," he began. "At age six, my parents offered me to be trained as an assassin through the Compact. They were honored to contribute." His eyes suddenly went in all directions as he plunged into memory. _"It rains. Warm translucent appendage on my shoulder. 'This one would like you to follow it.' I obey. I've been told to honor my family. Mother cries. Father smiles sadly. 'Make us proud, Thane.'_ " He took a minute to recompose his mind. Shepard was still unused to his way of slipping into his memories, but she didn't comment.

"Training was ruthless, but the masters always respected me. I was a tool, but I was valued. I made my first kill at age 12. A human. As a reward, the hanar had my eyes modified to perceive their bioluminescence and implanted a biotic amp for me to control my abilities. I was also gifted with the ability to see invisible enemies as dark silhouettes."

Shepard now understood how he had spotted her so easily.

"It was an expensive surgery, but the masters believed in me. I did my best to honor their trust. I saw myself as a weapon. I never felt guilt, merely transforming their decisions into actions. I soon became the best assassin they had trained, fulfilling every mission successfully. Until I met Irikah."

"Your wife?" Shepard asked.

"Yes. I was tasked with the assassination of a salarian. I didn't ask what he had done. I never asked. But… _Laser dot trembles on his skull. Spice on the spring wind. Sunset eyes defiant in the scope. 'How dare you!'"_ He paused.

"She noticed my spotting laser and threw herself between me and the target. She couldn't see me, but she stared me down. I couldn't pull the trigger. The first mission I ever failed. I found myself obsessed with the memory. I had to find her and ask for her forgiveness. I fell on my knees before her. Begged her pardon. Eventually, she gave it to me. She introduced me to a world beyond my work I had forgotten even existed: faith in the old gods, love even. She was a vivid person. Wise, beautiful, I thought she was the goddess Arashu herself. She woke me from my battlesleep. I couldn't work for the hanar anymore. They understood and released me from their service. I married her. We had a son. Kolyat. I tried several manual jobs, but I knew nothing besides killing. Eventually, I went back to freelancing to sustain us. But it separated us. I was often off-world to fulfill contracts. She used to say I was away on business. I was always away on business. I let myself become complacent. I thought Irikah and Kolyat were safe. I stayed away too long, and my enemies came for her. Batarians."

Shepard winced, a spike of hate slowly growing in the pit of her stomach.

"A slaver ring was preying on hanar outer colonies. I'd killed their leaders. They paid the Shadow Broker to find out who I was. But they were afraid of me, so they went after her. My body hunted her killers. Murdered them. I was taught to grant death quickly, cleanly. To minimize suffering. Them- I let them linger."

She didn't interrupt, but she knew exactly what he felt. They had more in common than she had initially thought.

"I left Kolyat in the care of his aunts and uncles. I had not seen him or talked to him until after you drew him away from the dark path he had chosen."

"Why?" she asked, but she already knew the answer.

"My body is blessed with the skills to take life. The hanar honed them in me. I have few others. I didn't want that life for Kolyat. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me, so be it. He would not have shared the path of sin." His voice was collected, but the subvocals that emanated from him felt like deep sadness.

She nodded and waited silently for him to continue.

"I joined Azure Edge after becoming aware of my illness. I owed a debt to Aria. I need to pay my debts before I go to the sea."

"You mentioned the sea twice tonight. Can you explain?"

"Kalahira's domain. Goddess of oceans and the afterlife."

"Oh. Why oceans? Doesn't seem related with death to me."

"The ocean is full of life. Yet it is not life as you and I know it. To survive there, we must release our hold on land. Accept a new way to live. So it is with death. The soul must accept its departure from the body. If it can't, it will be lost."

"One last question. Arashu? You compared your wife to her."

"Ah, Yes. Goddess of motherhood and protection."

Shepard now understood why he had said he had no love to offer. He was still mourning. They both had suffered. She felt closer to him now. It would be easier to tell her own story. He could comprehend. The silence had come back, and when their eyes met, she tried to convey everything she couldn't say, how deeply she could relate, drowning in his sad obsidian eyes.

"Will you fulfill your end of the bargain?" he asked, recomposing his neutral expression slowly as the memories faded away.

Shepard looked at her palms, not knowing how to begin. She finally nodded, mentally preparing for the painful journey she would have to make into her past.

"Same question you asked me, first: what do _you_ know about me?" she began.

"Born in a human colony. I found birth records. There's a gap in the files until you were seen killing batarians, earned the nickname 'Butcher of Torfan,' and were rescued by the Alliance. That is all I could gather."

"Wow. I've been more careful than I thought."

"Indeed."

"I… I guess I should begin with Eris' name then. It's the name of a Greek goddess from Earth. She's largely forgotten now."

"Greek?"

"From a specific country, Greece. Its people, the Greek, used to believe in Eris, goddess of strife and discord. Chaos. From a religion that no longer exists. I'm not…as religious as you. I didn't choose the name. My father did. She was his favorite blade. He collected them, taught me how to use them. He was an historian, like my mother. Really into Greek mythology and ancient fighting techniques." A smile bloomed on her face as the memory passed before her eyes.

"My parents were asked to go live on Mindoir, to teach Earth history to colonists, and they accepted. I was born there. They raised me to be a biologist since I was so fascinated by animals. They taught me about the ones from Earth, even imported a lizard for me, I guess it's why I compared you to it so impulsively." Her smile widened, and he reciprocated.

"Have you visited the land of your ancestors to deepen this knowledge?"

"I was supposed to go study on Earth when I was sixteen but…"

She had to pause. The rage was slowly pooling in her gut, erasing her smile as if it had never existed. Clenching her fist, she tried to stay calm. He waited patiently.

"Batarians. I suppose we have that in common. Slavers. They came out of nowhere, raiding the colony. They killed a lot of us...my parents included. Took me as a slave. I managed to keep Eris, somehow. They…they did things to me I don't want to discuss."

"I won't ask," he offered solemnly.

"They couldn't break me enough to kill the hatred. One day, they took me and the others to Torfan. To be sold. I was supposed to be a…a sex slave. But," she paused. "I suppose you have noticed my scars on the Citadel when we..." She cleared her throat, suddenly uncomfortable.

"They are beautiful."

"Don't do that, I don't need your pity."

She paused. He didn't respond.

"They had been dumb enough to mark me, so no one would buy. I was useless to them. But I wasn't going to let them kill me. I had hidden Eris. I killed them all. One by one. I don't really know how I did it. I only remember the anger. For a while I thought the dagger had come to life, killed for me, helping me through pure chaos. I was grateful to her. My only regret is that I wasn't trained enough to know how to let them suffer."

Her voice was rough, raspy with wrath. His presence was soothing, calm, but it wasn't enough. She was reliving it all, and her hand unconsciously went to hold the dagger at her side, as if preparing to fight again.

"Revenge didn't kill the hatred, either. The thirst for blood never stopped. Never faded away. I needed more. I wanted more. Eventually an alliance cruiser picked me up. I was a rogue human slave to be liberated. They didn't blame me. They were so nice. I hated it. There was a guy, Kaidan. Barely older than me, a new recruit. I think he wanted to save me or something. But his kindness just made me more angry. I fled as soon as the cruiser docked at the Citadel. Joined a gang in the wards, found someone to teach me how to kill. But they weren't good enough, and I felt weak, hungry for more. Eventually, I met a turian spectre. Nihlus. He had killed our leader. He saw potential in me. He was moved by my story, taught me everything he knew. Talked about the beauty of redemption. Bullshit. I played the obedient little girl with the sad past and learned as much as I could. Then I left. He never talked about me to anyone after that, from what I've learned. I think he felt betrayed. But I didn't care. I went freelance, just like you. Taking contracts anywhere I could and never failing. Until the Network heard of me and contacted me, offering money and contracts. I never had to search for them again. It was just what I needed- murder and money. It became second nature. I loved nothing else. There is no place for love in my life anyway. I'm neither worthy nor capable of it."

"I was under the impression that Kai Leng was more than your partner in crime. I see that I was mistaken," he softly replied. He was careful enough not to turn the sentence into a question.

"Kai Leng was a distraction. Mindless sex, angry sex, from time to time. Everybody has needs. Maybe he wanted more. I don't know. I don't want to. We killed many. It was the only thing we had in common. Eventually we became the Network's best assassins. Then there was the mission on Sur'Kesh, and you changed it all. And you fucking stole my dagger."

He smiled. He understood. Words kept pouring out of Shepard's mouth, as she realized she needed to get it all out, even if it was with the drell she had initially planned to kill.

"I had no idea why I couldn't kill you, why I could so easily allow myself to be killed by you, but it fascinated me. I wanted to fight you. Finally do it or be done. But I can't. And you can't. I threw my life away for this, but to you it was just a fucking assignment. Now I'm on the losing side. The end."

There were other things she had avoided talking about, but she couldn't think about them now. She never did.

She sought Krios' eyes, wanting to see him react. All she saw was pain. Shared pain. Not the cheap pity that people usually sold her. Instead, it was genuine perception of what she felt. They didn't need to speak. They just shared the moment. He didn't apologize for what she had been through, as so many had done before. He knew it was useless. He didn't apologize for his mission. He already had.

"Thank you for telling me," he simply said.

"That was the deal, Krios."

"Will you ever call me Thane?"

She chuckled. "I don't know, I think I'm going to settle for Space Lizard. Oh, don't give me that look, you know I'm joking…Thane."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. Opening her eyes to cold metal walls, she had no idea where she was. She wasn't in her hideout. It took some time for her to remember the previous night. She had a massive hangover. She finally realised she was on Krios'- _Thane's_ -couch, even though she didn't remember saying good night. They had talked for a long time, she must have dozed off. After sharing their past, they had talked about his religion, about Kahje, about the hanar, about Earth where she had never been, about animals, and then… nothing. And now she was in a very uncomfortable position, with a severe crick in the neck. She had fallen asleep sitting up, but a cover had been carefully placed over her. She felt grateful for the small gesture.

Trying to get up by pushing on her arms, a spike of pain reminded her that her right shoulder was in bad shape as she let out a loud groan and fell back on the couch, hurting her neck in the process.

"Fuck," she grumbled.

"I see you are awake," a low gravely voice greeted her. She turned her head painfully to see Thane in the small kitchen, two mugs in his palms.

"Yeah. I feel like shit though. And I don't remember falling asleep in the first place."

"You fell into slumber as I was telling you about the hanar soul names," he informed with a slight smile. "Would you like some coffee? The extranet states that it's humans' preferred beverage in the morning."

"You don't drink coffee?" she asked, wondering how he got it, so far away from Earth.

"Why would I? It's a typical human beverage."

"But you drink tea… It's also a typical human beverage."

"Drell call it differently, the process is the same but the name differs. The human one being the most common, we learned to use it instead."

"Oh okay. Coffee's perfect, thanks," she smiled slightly as he offered her the second mug. "It's not so much the taste but the effect that humans are addicted to. That's why we have it in the morning."

"A drug?"

"No, no, nothing that strong. Well, I guess technically it is since we get addicted to it, but it's just an energy boost. Keeping us awake throughout the day, several cups can keep us going longer than our usual day/night cycle if needed. It's also the perfect hangover killer, thankfully."

"Interesting," he commented, sipping his tea.

Shepard tried the coffee and immediately made a face.

"I take back what I said. Taste matters. It's the first time you've made coffee, uh?"

He chuckled softly, subvocals dancing out of his chest.

"It can't possibly be that distasteful."

"Well… The grounds are supposed to be filtered out," she explained, trying to get rid of the ground-up beans stuck to her tongue.

"Ah..." His confused face was pretty amusing to see.

"Will you be mad if I don't drink it?" Shepard asked.

"I won't. But I'm afraid I only have tea to offer instead."

"Tea will be perfect. Thanks for trying, though."

* * *

Mordin had a clinic in the slums of Omega. Shepard hadn't thought the space station could be even more filthy, but she was wrong. Thane had insisted on accompanying her to the clinic, arguing about the probability of a new attack. She had protested, feeling like an overly-protected child, but had finally agreed on the condition that he left as soon as they reached Mordin. They would meet later anyway. Aria wanted to see them. She hoped she'd have time to buy a new suit in the meantime. She didn't want to borrow from Kasumi. They were approximately the same size, but she wasn't particularly fond of hoods. She wanted to delay as much as she could the thief's question on where she had spent the night and the inevitable rumors that would spread.

Mordin greeted them warmly. He seemed to be in an exceptional mood, which led Shepard to think the previous night had gone well for him. Thane immediately excused himself, as promised.

"Hey," she began, a bit ill at ease, as the salarian already started conversing about asari customs he'd been studying. "I need your help."

"Of course, predictable. The rash, presumably," he answered at an incredible pace.

"The…rash?"

"Yes. Wanted to talk with you about this but too late now, I suppose."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" she asked, completely lost.

He looked puzzled for a moment, trying to figure out why she didn't get what he was saying.

"Prolonged human to drell contact can cause rash and mild hallucinations, which you already know." He smirked. "Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Isn't it why both of you came here?"

Shepard was stunned with Mordin's bluntness, not knowing how to react. She wanted to burst out laughing but she was afraid of vexing him, knowing very little of the salarian doctor. She slowly pointed her finger to her shoulder, showing him the obvious reason why she had come.

"Gunshot. Shredder rounds. Badly healed with medigel. Understand now. Will take care of it. Sit. Explain."

"We were jumped by Network assassins yesterday. Omega is not as safe as Aria sold it to me." Shepard said as she sat on the examination table while Mordin nodded and fetched what he needed from a nearby metallic cupboard.

"You know… We didn't…" she started.

"No need to explain. Take ointments anyway. Matter of time."

"What? No, we won't. I still hate him, and he has no interest in me outside of my fighting abilities. Why am I even explaining myself to you!"

This conversation was really becoming uncomfortable. He focused on removing the remaining shards and debris from her shoulder, making her grimace in pain.

"Body language says otherwise when Thane nearby. Hormones as well. Perceivable to salarians. Thane himself displays positive attitude and subvocals towards it," he continued mercilessly.

"Wait, what? No. You know what? I don't wanna know. Keep this to yourself, please. I will take your ointments if you stop harassing me with this."

"Good." Mordin finally let go.

 _Displays positive attitude?_ Now she really wanted to be able to comprehend the sounds he was making outside human hearing range. She couldn't possibly make a move on him now that she had heard his story, anyway. She was quite embarrassed that her sexual attraction had been that obvious. She hoped it hadn't been to him.

"What exactly can he…perceive?" she asked despite herself. She knew it would lead to more awkwardness, but she couldn't help her curiosity.

"Don't know exactly. Drell rare species. Never could study one properly. From experience with Thane, might feel pheromones more accurately than humans do. Can hear heartbeat speed up. But could misinterpret it. Display approval or not in a range humans can't easily access. Complex matter. Fascinating."

"Okay. Thanks, I guess."

"Happy to help." His smile didn't look genuine at all.

"I feel like you're enjoying this too much. Are you always this…invasive?" she asked, shaking her head with a chuckle.

"Would never dream of mockery. Merely interested in scientific outcomes." He noticed her skeptical look. "Must admit, also enjoy the rumors from time to time."

"Yeah, I thought so."

He had finished mending the wound and was now tying a bandage around her arm.

"Here. Should heal fast. May leave small scar."

"Thanks, Mordin."

* * *

She needed to find a new suit. Strolling the markets of Omega, she realized most shops sold weapons and ammo. She looked like a fool with her torn suit and bandage, looking for clothing. Glancing around her every ten seconds out of paranoia, she was reviewing her options. There wasn't much time left before she had to go see Aria and asking Kasumi for help was out of the question. How was it possible that so many shops had ship models for sale but not a single piece of clothing?

A subtle flickering of light on her right got her full attention. Blurred surroundings. _A cloak? Again?_ She reached for Eris discreetly. It might be anything. The Network's assassins weren't the only ones using cloaks, and they wouldn't attack in an area that crowded. Who could it be? It was definitely coming her way. She tensed, preparing to attack before they did. The blurred spot was nearly on her, but didn't seem to be readying an attack.

"Not a step further. Show yourself," Shepard warned.

To her surprise, Kasumi appeared in front of her, a smug smile on her painted lips. "Relax, Shep, it's me. Haven't seen you in a while."

"I've encountered a few...problems," Shepard replied, saying as little as possible to avoid triggering the thief's curiosity. "Hey, do you know where I can buy clothes? I've found gun oil, everything my weapons need in fact, but I can't get my hands on a simple toothbrush or suit."

Kasumi's gaze trailed from her shoulder to her messy hair in less than a second before she answered with her usual mischievous tone and smile. "I'll trade you anything you need for juicy stories."

_Of course you would._

* * *

The suit Kasumi had provided was a darkish red, and it was too tight for Shepard's taste. Her own was tight enough, but this this suit felt painted on and left nothing to the imagination. Though Shepard could see its advantages in combat, she despised the unessessary sexyness of the item. Why was there even cleavage? And of course there had to be a hood. A hood that was nonchalantly flapping on her back since she refused to put it on. Her tactical glasses were enough to cover her eyes. At least the catsuit was slightly interwoven in armor like her former one.

She was infinitely grateful to be able to brush her teeth, but the thief had exhausted her with questions. The glint in Kasumi's eye when she had finally admitted she had slept at Thane's had made her roll her own eyes in exasperation. This was ridiculous. The criminal underground of the galaxy was at war, and Kasumi was focusing on a relationship that would never happen. She hoped that at least Aria had her priorities straight as she climbed the stairs to the pirate queen's balcony.

Thane was already here, idly resting on the couch while Aria conversed with Nyreen. The assassin's eyes had a strange gleam when Shepard walked in, examining her new appearance curiously, but it was furtive. It disappeared as soon as Aria looked at her. "Ah, finally! You're late, Shepard. Thane already filled me in on the events of last night. I'm glad you didn't kill another one of my bartenders this time,"

Shepard smiled, remembering the sound Sepnus had made when she had plunged the knife in his gut. Aria really did have eyes everywhere.

"However," Aria continued, "I was surprised to learn that the Network was bold enough to prey on _my_ territory. I will see to this issue."

"I'm sorry for the delay, I had to find a replacement suit and take care of my shoulder," Shepard explained, while wondering what exactly Thane had said.

"I can see that. You finally look sexy. For a human, that is." Aria commented, looking her up and down shamelessly with a wicked smile. Shepard didn't blush. She just felt uncomfortable, adopting an annoyed expression to make Aria understand that she didn't appreciate it at all. She dared not react too strongly and risk making the asari angry. Thane had become a statue again, and she could now associate this state with discomfort.

"Hm. As cold as your drell counterpart," the queen said. "Too bad. But you two will make the perfect team. I have work for you. Nyreen here runs the Talons as you already know." The turian bowed her head to Shepard with a slight smile. "What you don't know, is that for several weeks some kind of foolish rogue vigilante, who goes by the name of Archangel, has been decimating the various gangs of Omega." She scoffed. "I usually despise the petty gang wars happening in the lower levels, so I let him weaken the Blood Pack, Blue Suns and Eclipse without retaliation. Nothing happens on Omega without my consent." Shepard was skeptical about this given the recent events, but didn't comment.

"But he has recently started targeting Talons. I can't accept that. Nyreen and I are now allies, and I will keep my word as long as she keeps hers." Aria extended her hand to brush Nyreen's mandible in a surprisingly loving gesture. The turian looked less at ease than the queen but didn't push her away.

"However, I have a request. This is not a simple assassination." Aria continued. "This 'vigilante' has skills. Skills I could use within Azure Edge. Convince him to join us, kill him if he refuses. The reward will vary according to your results. You will be well-paid either way. If you two disagree, Thane has the final word. He leads. Do you accept?"

While Thane immediately agreed, Shepard was still astonished to be given a choice. The Illusive Man never asked her if she would _accept_. He gave orders, and she followed them. Aria obtained loyalty through fear, but she still gave an opportunity to refuse. This was completely new to Shepard. Her opinion of Azure Edge kept improving, and it wasn't only a matter of being out of options. Being under Thane's orders might be interesting. She usually worked alone and wouldn't hesitate to do things her way if needed, but Aria didn't need to know that.

"I'll do it," she finally confirmed. "But I have a question."

"Ask," Aria ordered.

"When can I expect to be assigned to a Network-related mission?"

There was a silence. Aria smiled.

"Impatient, are we? Oh, don't worry, Shepard. I intend to put you on the frontline. Just not now. Azure Edge still needs new assets to be able to face our enemy. Other teams are harassing the Network on diverse contracts, I need to get the Illusive Man on... _edge_." She laughed at her own pun. "He'll think I don't have the means for an all-out attack. He already underestimates us. For now, I'm keeping you close. Do as I say, and you will be able to bathe in his blood soon."

"I look forward to it," Shepard said.

"Then go, both of you, I'll be sending the mission intel on your omnitools."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	13. Chapter 13

Shepard had reviewed the intel with Thane and had been surprised to discover that while the Talons had stayed out of it, the Blood Pack, the Blue Suns (what was left of them) and Eclipse had allied to take the turian vigilante down.

Archangel was holed up in a building facing an exposed bridge, and the gangs were all around it. He had a superior position, sniping anyone who got too close and, as a consequence, the bridge area had become a killing ground. He had been smart enough to collapse all the underground passageways and seal the doors to the lower levels. The gangs were failing at drawing him out, but the vigilante would have to sleep at some point. Shepard and Thane would have to work fast to reach him before the gangs could take him out.

"So how do you want to play this?" Shepard asked as they made their way to the lower levels.

"Aria has become Omega's queen because she has access to information the gangs don't possess. Let me show you something," Thane replied, opening a file on his omnitool. Shepard leaned in, ignoring the scent of leather invading her senses. "These are abandoned maintenance vents. They lead right to where we need to be. They haven't been used for a long time, so I expect them to be in bad shape, but we might get lucky. I'm fairly sure Archangel doesn't know about their existence."

"You really have a thing for vents, don't you?" Shepard teased. He smiled slightly and continued.

"This path could not only get us in but also provide our escape route if the turian is thin enough. That way we can avoid fighting the gangs. If Archangel doesn't cooperate, which has a high probability, we can just go back the way we came without trouble once he's eliminated."

"To be honest, I have no idea how we are going to convince this guy that working for a criminal organisation is better than killing the said criminals," Shepard confessed.

"I will do the talking, if you don't mind. I've seen the way you address friends or foes, and I don't think the blunt way is the best," he replied coldly.

"Excuse me?" she blurted out, incredulous.

He sighed. " _She is angry, as expected. Blazing eyes and unconscious hand hovering near her blade when I pass by her, but she won't attack. I wonder if she has a place to sleep, ask her, offer my own. 'Fuck you. I'd rather sleep in the streets,' she growls. Pure wrath in her words. She is stunningly fearsome. Regret overwhelms me."_ He paused, frantic eyes relaxing a little, then plunged into another memory before Shepard could stop him. She was starting to feel like she was reading someone's journal, too personal, too intimate.

" _I see the Illusive Man for the first time. A simple human on a holo. I fight the urge to kill everyone in the room before he gets a chance to try and convince her to come back to his side. He offers her a chance, but she declines. I am relieved. I can feel her anger. 'I will gouge those freakish glowing eyes out of your skull and force them down your throat until you choke on your own ego and ineptitude. I'll have you begging for your own death, but I'm going to make you wait until I'm good and satisfied before I finally rip your stinking guts out of your worthless body.' She spits out with spite. Negotiation is not her forte. I marvel at her creativity, yet her cruelty saddens me."_

"Thane, stop! You're making me uncomfortable. I don't need an inventory of all my anger fits. I get your point," she interrupted. His descriptions of her were almost… kind. He had been relieved that she chose to stay with Azure? But that didn't mean anything. At least now she knew his regret was genuine. Memories didn't lie, did they?

"Stunningly fearsome, eh?" she teased. "I'm flattered."

He shot her a noncommittal stare. Had he been human, he might have shrugged.

"Okay," she finally agreed, "you do the talking. Now where is the entrance to the maintenance vents?" Was that relief on his face?

"Not far from here. When we get to him, you cloak, get behind him, disarm him, I follow. Then we improvise."

* * *

The conduits were tight. Barely enough for a fully armored turian to fit through. Thane had gone first, somehow managing to still be graceful even while crawling in a tight space. She followed as quietly as she could, trying hard not to look at the glorious view just in front of her and failing. He made almost no sound, besides the occasional leather rustling of his outfit. Had he been naked, there would be no proof that he wasn't a ghost. Shepard dwelled on the idea for a while, despite herself, letting inappropriate thoughts invade her mind. Images from that night on the Citadel resurfacing instantly. Memories of his scent, of his light touch, his tender embrace…

He made a strange chuffing sound that brought her back to the reality in a second. She suddenly remembered what Mordin had said about drell perception and flushed. Her heart was indeed beating faster, and she was probably emitting signals she wasn't even aware of. But he was polite enough not to mention it, a gesture for which she was immensely grateful. At least he couldn't see her crimson cheeks.

They were now crawling over a room filled with Eclipse mercs. The sound of their conversations filtered through the grid.

"-Ganar's plan. Not mine. Doesn't want to loose any more men so using freelancers. Archangel's pinned down. No harm trying. Who knows, maybe they'll get lucky," a salarian voice explained.

"Ganar?" Shepard asked in a whisper.

"Blood Pack leader on Omega. The one talking is Jaroth, Eclipse's leader." Thane answered.

"-just gonna hide here while the freelancers get killed?"

"Precisely," the salarian continued. "Paid to be a distraction. Nothing more. Now that Tarak is dead, Blue Suns disorganized. They'll probably join the freelancers."

"Cold," Shepard commented.

"We should get going," Thane ordered. "Hopefully this 'distraction' will give us more time."

Shepard followed him deeper in the vent maze. They were in surprisingly good shape, even though Thane had had to use his biotics to clear a path through certain collapsed sections. Sometimes crumbs of conversations from mercs reached them, but they didn't linger.

When they finally arrived at another ventilation grid, Thane raised his hand. Shepard stopped. He moved past the grid and invited her to look below. The room was strategically organised to provide cover if needed, metallic crates scattered everywhere. At the window, a fully armored turian was shooting regularly with a M-98 Widow rifle. He wouldn't expect a surprise attack. Shepard shot a last glance at her partner. He nodded. She cloaked, removed the grid and dropped down silently.

Archangel was busy reloading his weapon. He shot a glance behind him to check his safety, and Shepard ducked behind a crate. Never too careful, even when invisible. When he started shooting again, she got out of her hiding spot and closed on him. She needed his helmet gone first. A vicious kick under his neck knocked it off while the vigilante grunted at the shock, caught completely off-guard.

"What the-"

His sniper rifle had fallen to the floor along with his helmet, and she kicked it away. She guessed he must have a secondary weapon, correctly, as it turned out. He reacted lightning fast, living up to his reputation, taking out a small pistol from behind his back and immediately pointing it at her face. She had had just enough time to do the same with her Stinger. They glowered at each other over their weapons, wondering who would back down first. _How cliché._

Before the scene could turn into an action vid, Thane melted out of the shadows, and a swift precise punch sent Archangel's gun flying out the window.

The turian swore under his breath, defeated.

"That was quite the entrance," he commented, ignoring the Stinger and massaging his jaw. He didn't seem to feel threatened at all. He probably knew that if they really wanted to kill him, they already would have. "To what do I owe the pleasure? You two don't look like mercs."

Despite her promise to let Thane do the talking, Shepard couldn't help but recognize the turian in front of her. Familiar blue face paint and blue tactical visor on one eye, and that piercing gaze...It couldn't be.

"Vakarian?"

Archangel stared at her, puzzled.

"Do I know you?"

She turned to Thane instead, who was waiting for her to explain.

"He used to be in C-sec. Arrested me a couple of times when I worked for the gangs a long time ago. Tenacious son of a bitch."

"Glad to see my skills are appreciated," the turian commented sardonically.

Below them, the mercs were gaining ground, spreading like a disease under the bridge.

"We don't have time for this," Thane cut in. "Aria sent us. You have two choices, Archangel. Join Azure Edge, and we can provide a safe way out of this dead end. Or die right where you stand."

"No offense, but that's not really a choice, pal. You really think I'm gonna quit cleaning Omega's filth to work for the queen of scum? You guys are in-"

"Think about it this way," Shepard interrupted, ignoring Thane's disapproving growl. "You're a vigilante, right? If I recall correctly, you were one of the most zealous pains in the ass to the Network back in the day. What if I told you that allying with us can give you a chance to finally kick their butt for good instead of focusing on petty Omega criminals?"

Vakarian debated his options.

"Clock's ticking, Archangel," Shepard warned.

"I believe there's a human saying for this," Thane added. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

The phrase seemed to have hit the right spot.

"Well, kicking some Network ass is appealing. But this is better not be a life-long contract to lick Aria's boots," he capitulated.

"Good news," Shepard answered, lowering her Stinger. "Now do you think you can fit in there?" She gestured to the vents, where Thane had already disappeared.

"You've got to be kidding me…"

* * *

The way back was a lot more noisy than their trip in. Vakarian wasn't made for discretion. They had to stop several times because his armor made loud clanking noises that would have alerted the mercs if they weren't already running in all directions after discovering his disappearance. Shepard could hear Thane sigh in exasperation every time. When they finally managed to get the huge turian out of the small vent conduit, they still had to be careful that no one would recognize him until they reached Aria. Thankfully, he put his helmet back on as they walked to Afterlife.

"I remember you now," Vakarian started, addressing Shepard. "The tiny, always-angry human girl that kept escaping every time we caught you."

"Accurate description," Thane commented.

Shepard scoffed and tried to punch the drell's arm but it didn't land; he dodged.

"Yeah well, maybe if C-sec wasn't full of flaws it wouldn't be that easy to escape. You should have stopped trying to catch me in the first place."

"I just did my job, and I enjoy a challenge. What's your name again? You gave a different one every time, and you weren't in the biometric system."

Shepard smiled with pride. Erasing herself from the records had been an ordeal but it was worth it.

"I'm Shepard, and that's Thane Krios," she answered.

"Krios, uh? What am I getting myself into…" The turian studied Thane closely, apparently aware of the drell's reputation.. "I'm Garrus, by the way."

"I know," Shepard smiled.

"You don't have a first name? I thought humans always had those."

Her smile vanished instantly. She was painfully aware that Thane watched her curiously. He had probably been wondering, too. That name had died with her parents a long time ago. No one had called her by it since. That name had been erased from all records too, and if she died, no one would be able to carve it on her grave. Unless...

"So, Vakarian, it appears you modified your Widow. Some of your shots were impressive, I must admit, as a sniper myself."

Thane's sudden change of subject took Garrus by surprise. He realized quickly that his question would not be answered and decided to play along, to Shepard's relief. The two of them conversed about rifles while Shepard listened.

She was grateful for Thane's interruption. She'd find a way to thank him later. All she had done since they'd met was insult him. He had deserved some of it, but she started wanting him to consider her a friend, if not more.

Aria had been right, they were ice and fire. He was the merciless cold of logic and death, and she was the raging inferno of endless grief and anger. A deadly duo.

* * *

When they reached Aria, they found her in deep in conversation with Liara T'Soni. There was also a drell on the couch near Dr. T'Soni. His scale pattern was motley, all shades of yellow, blue and red. Shepard wondered how many colors a drell could be. He was only the second she had encountered. She had read about another drell on the 'presumed collaboratives' list the Illusive Man had given her. Feron maybe? Aria stood to greet them, interrupting her chain of thoughts.

"Shepard, Thane. And is that Archangel?"

Garrus took his helmet off. Shepard had to admit he looked impressive. There was some kind of audacious confidence to him, the same that had grown on her when she constantly escaped his grasp on the Citadel many years ago. "I was promised I could participate in the battle against the Network, I am not especially happy to do it under your orders but…here I am."

"Interesting," the queen commented, a light smile lingering on her lips.

"He's ex-C-sec," Thane informed.

"I don't care about your past, and I will not ask your real name, Archangel. I don't need it. All I need is loyalty. Pledge it to me now. I'll release you from it when we beat the Network. Until then, I give you immunity in Omega. No one will harm you unless you betray me," she declared solemnly.

Garrus had to stifle a laugh at Aria's seriousness.

"Do I have to kneel or something?" he joked.

Aria's cold stare silenced him. "Bray, show our new recruit to his secured quarters. We will discuss his abilities later. We have more important things to deal with right now." As Garrus left with a sardonic smile, she turned to the assassins. "I didn't expect you to fail, but I'm still impressed that you managed to succeed so quickly. Consider yourselves paid generously."

Both of them nodded.

"Shepard," Aria continued. "I have some alarming matters to discuss with you. Dr T'Soni, if you will?"

Liara stood up to face Shepard. She wondered if there was any reason for her to worry, since the asari's eyes were full of serious gloom. A strange chill went down her spine. All eyes were on her.

"Feron and I encountered a few Network-related inconveniences while trying to make it back to Omega, as you foresaw," T'Soni began. "Thank you for warning us. We took them down eventually, but the information we gathered points to your name."

"My name?" Shepard repeated. That wasn't alarming at all, the Illusive Man must have been really pissed by now. Her name had to appear on every Network omnitool. She relaxed.

"Well, not exactly. Your last name, in particular. I need to ask you, who is John Shepard?"

Shepard froze, an icy feeling settling in her chest. That name had not been uttered for a long time. That name was as dead as her own. She did her best to keep her face composed, but the concerned glances she got in return proved that she failed. What did John have to do with the Network?

"Show me the intel," she ordered, her voice firm but raspy with worry.

"But…"

"Show it to me!"

Liara shifted uncomfortably and sought Aria's eyes. The queen seemed intrigued and nodded slowly. The doctor gave her datapad to Shepard, who took it and began reading without any concern for her audience.

There was a series of short texts from an unknown party back to the Illusive Man. As she read through them, the blood drained from her face and hands, leaving her cold.

 _They had found him._ It said so on the datapad in front of her. ' _John Shepard location confirmed. Retrieval team sent._ '

Could he really be alive?

She kept scrolling, hoping against hope for...she didn't know what. But the news only got worse.

The next note confirmed John's retrieval, and the one after that had technical details about the successful implant of an unknown device. Cybernetics?

She kept reading, wondering how much worse it could get. The last report told her. John was being sent to the Illusive Man.

It was impossible. _John was dead._ She had searched for him for so long... Gathering anything that could lead to proof that he was still alive. It had to be a bad joke. She did her best to prevent the moisture from her eyes from showing, but panic had invaded every particle of her body.

She couldn't break down _here_. Not in front of them. She had to go. _Where?_ Anywhere else. The pain she had learned to confine for so many years exploded back to its familiar place, and she felt like she was drowning.

"Shepard?" Thane asked, subvocals displaying deep worry.

She cloaked and ran away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading. 
> 
> Thank you for your kind reviews, favs and follows (and equivalents on AO3), they motivate me more than you think.


	14. Chapter 14

She had nowhere to go, yet she ran. As fast as she could. She didn't want to be found. She couldn't go back to Kasumi's place, and Thane's was out of the question. She needed somewhere deserted, but Omega seemed more overcrowded than ever. Panic had gripped her and squeezed mercilessly, denying her the air she needed to run. Batarians roamed everywhere, painful reminders worsening the crushing weight on her chest.

She flew to the nearest catwalk and followed the maintenance paths randomly until she found herself above Afterlife beneath the red translucent dome of Omega. A small metal platform gave a nice view of the stars, but Shepard didn't even notice them. She slumped on the floor and put her head in her hands, struggling to breathe and suppress the unwanted flashbacks seizing her.

John's scared eyes, begging her not to leave him alone as she hid him in a cupboard on her mother's orders. Gunshots outside. The neighbors screaming. Mom desperately trying to hold the door while dad was nowhere to be found. The door exploding and taking mom with it, reduced to an mess of bloodied limbs before her eyes. There was a blessed moment of incomprehension before she fully comprehended what she was seeing. Pain. The batarian's voice that had haunted her nights for so many years. " _Hello sunshine, you're coming with us._ " Rough strong arms yanking her outside. John's strangled sobs that they didn't hear.

She struggled to shut down the memory and the panic it brought. She had been an idiot to think she would never feel it again, even with so many years learning to suppress it, but here she was, terror overwhelming her yet again. She felt dizzy; air refused to enter her lungs. At least she was alone, and no one would witness this.

She couldn't calm down. There was no air. Maybe there was a breach in the dome. That had to be it. Her lungs seemed frozen. John's cries crawled through her brain, stealing her ability to do anything other than suffer through the memory again. She could hear him so accurately that for a second she thought he was next to her. She managed to draw a ragged gasp but it wasn't enough to prevent her head from spinning. _Drowning outside of water._ The memories invaded her dizzy mind without her consent, merciless, forcing their way into her aching brain. Excruciatingly painful memories took control again.

Her bare feet on the cold metal of the batarian ship. Children and teenagers. They only took the young. John wasn't there.

" _Bomb it!"_ the voice of death ordered.

Sound of an explosion, so loud she thought she had become deaf. Its meaning dawning on her. Her screams reduced to silence by a vicious punch in her gut. Hate rushing like a painkiller in her blood. Hatred she had learned to love.

"Snap out of it!"

Her vision was blurry, her heart beat so loudly that she could hear nothing but its fast pounding in her ears. She was going to drown for good this time.

"Shepard!"

Someone was there. _Go away! I deserve this._ The words didn't come out. Her throat was swollen shut. Not enough room for air, let alone words, to pass through.

"Shepard, decloak."

_Leave me alone._

"Do it!"

The voice was familiar, muffled as if she had dreamt it. Gravelly, soothing, yet the order was rough and left no doubt its source was going to act if she didn't cooperate.

_Thane._

She raised a trembling hand to deactivate the device, still trying desperately to breathe, but kept her head down. The tears she had shed unconsciously burned on her cheeks, but it was only when she brushed her hands on her face that she noticed them. Any other time, the thought of anyone seeing her at her weakest would be unbearable. Now it was nothing compared the pain and panic tearing through her. She felt like she was dying, and nothing else mattered. Panic engulfed the world like a veil, a disease, a plague that contaminated everything it touched.

"Shepard, look at me." There was still a sense of order in his voice, but it was buried under a low croon that was oddly calming.

She didn't move; she could barely make sense of what he said. Cold scaly fingers seized her chin gently and raised it up. She flinched when she realized how close he was. He ignored it, pressing his forehead to hers. His obsidian eyes were so close that she had no choice but to stare into them.

_He's taking away the air!_

"You can breathe. Do it. Imitate me. In." He inhaled. "And out." He exhaled.

"-can't! No air!" she gasped.

"And yet I breathe. There is plenty of air, Rahna. Trust me."

It took over a dozen minutes for her to be able to focus on him. She couldn't help but notice that something was wrong with his breathing. It was raspy, unnatural, as if something obstructed the way. But he inhaled and exhaled deeply in a slow rhythm that forced her to calm her own. It felt like it was painful to him.

"-Stop! Don't… you…" she tried.

"I'm fine," he interrupted her, slowly tracing circles in her hair with his free hand. He had not moved, keeping their foreheads pressed together, never breaking eye contact.

Slowly, she felt her frantic heartbeat decrease, the memories fading to a painful haze in the back of her mind. The image of John's sorrowful eyes was still carved on her pupils, and her guilt carved in her heart. But she could breathe. The air was back. It hurt, but it circulated again. She drowned in a different way now. Losing herself in Thane's eyes, not willing to escape his deep calming stare. The world around them was still blurry, narrowed to the two oceans of black in which she felt safe. For once, she didn't want to flee. No one had ever been able to understand, few had tried, and no one had succeeded. But him…

Breaking eye contact, she yielded to the sudden urge to be in his arms. Wrapping her own around him, she buried her head in his neck. She was overwhelmed with endless gratitude. He was stunned for a second, his hand still in her hair, until he moved his other around her, pulling her closer hesitantly.

Shepard had rarely felt safe before. Never since the batarians attacked, in fact. But Thane's deadly hands felt like an unbreakable armor for her soul. Tears still fell from her eyes in a waterfall of thankfulness and sorrow. He didn't speak, waiting patiently until she was ready to. His chest vibrated with a strange warble she couldn't comprehend.

"He's my brother," she finally whispered shakily, refusing to break away from him.

"You didn't mention him when we talked," he replied carefully, not the slightest hint of reproach in his tone.

"Now you see why. I thought he was dead. I can't… He can't be alive. I've searched. I don't even know for how long I... No leads. And now _he_ has him. It's my fault. I should've been more thorough. I..."

She could feel her breathing accelerate again. But he tightened his embrace just enough to calm her down without preventing her breathing, gentle fingers circling again in her hair, appeasing and protective.

"The Illusive Man has means you don't possess, Shepard. Have you considered the idea that it might be a way to lure you to him?"

"I can't take the chance. I have to try."

They both knew what it meant. Azure Edge was not ready for this kind of risky mission. She would have to do this on her own, even though it meant defying Aria's orders.

"I will help you," he murmured.

Still buried in the fringes of his neck, Shepard opened her eyes in surprise.

"Why?"

"You helped my son, I will help you find your brother."

"I didn't do anything. You don't owe me anything. And Aria will never let me go."

There was a painful silence. She clung to him desperately. She felt as if she were on a cliff, falling over the edge.

"She ordered me to kill you if you showed any sign of betrayal," he said in a measured tone.

"Will you?"

He carefully slid out of her embrace and captured her again in his entrancing stare, making her shiver.

"I believe there is another way."

She wondered if he had dodged the question on purpose or if he really had something in mind. At this point, she would follow him anywhere if it meant she could find John, see what he had become, hear his voice again. A small glimmer of hope started to bloom within her, but she did her best to strangle it. Hope never brought her anything good. Weakness slowly faded from her face to let determination take its place.

"What do you have in mind?"

* * *

"Very rude of you to run away like that, Shepard. Care to explain?" Aria snarled as they made their way back to the balcony. The previous guests had left. Only the queen remained, glued to her couch, angry and demanding answers.

Shepard took a deep breath, acutely aware of Thane's eyes on her. She knew how to do this. Drain all emotion, neutral voice, nothing in it.

"John is my brother. Presumed dead until now. It's been 11 years since I last saw him. He would be 15 by now. The Illusive Man has him or wants me to believe so. I don't know his motives, but I need to find out, find him and bring him back before the enemy turns him into a weapon." It had come out so mechanically that for a second she thought someone else had uttered her words.

"I don't see how a 15 year-old untrained boy can be a threat to Azure. What proof do you have that he's alive and this isn't just a trap?" Aria said bluntly. "This data could have been planted on every Network omnitool for the sole purpose of getting you to run straight into your beloved Illusive Man's arms."

 _Fuck you!_ Shepard thought so loudly Aria might have heard it. Instead, she took a deep breath. She needed to stay calm and collected. Keep her voice low. Imitate the drell statue beside her.

"I am aware of that. But even if it was a trap, I would walk into it eyes wide open and willing if it meant closing on the Illusive Man and finding my brother. Isn't that what you want, Aria? Kill the Illusive Man? Just ask, because I don't even need to be paid. I can't wait for you to be ready. Not anymore."

"Do you really think you can just quit, human?" the asari challenged, her eyes melding into a predatory stare.

She was going to snap, and the queen knew it. But a cold and reassuring hand on Shepard's shoulder made her swallow back the anger that was threatening to explode out of her.

"Allow me," Thane whispered confidently in her ear.

Shepard backed away to let Thane fill the space, a bit worried but trusting. He clasped his hands behind his back, as he so often did.

"Aria," he began.

Aria stood to face him.

"What's on your mind, Thane? Are you going to betray me, too?"

"Do you really think so poorly of me?" he purred. "Have I not been by your side for many years? Your _favorite tool_ , you once qualified me. Maybe my memory fails me..."

The bold sarcasm in his last sentence made Aria frown slightly, but she seemed confused by his strangely inviting tone, so unfamiliar, his gravelly voice he intentionally made smooth like honey while a constant purr underlined every word. Shepard was mesmerized, but Aria quickly snapped out of it.

"Of course I value your service, drell. You've proven to be much more than a simple tool, whatever you might recall. You're a wise advisor, too. But I can admit all of this and still launch all of Omega's wrath on you if you decide to leave me. Every merc, thief, vorcha, every single piece of corrupted dirt on this damned asteroid will seek you out and kill you in cold blood if I will it."

Thane didn't flinch. In fact, he stood straight, facing Aria with a defying stare. Then he chuckled softly.

"And yet you would never find me, my queen. But I do not wish to run from you." Aria relaxed slightly. "Although I consider my debt repaid, I wish to remain in your service. If you allow me to take Shepard's mission as my own, I will be your weapon as long as I live."

"So, what, a few months?" Aria cut with a light chuckle. "Come on Thane, you know you can't play me that easily. Try harder. I'm beginning to like it."

They exchanged a playful look while Shepard slumped against the wall, arm crossed over her chest. Aria's cruel logic didn't seem to shake Thane at all.

"Have I ever failed you, all these years I stayed by your side despite having no reason too, as your arm, your tool, taking on missions I didn't agree with? Have I not been one of your most loyal advisors and your friend?" he began again, grinning. He was dashing. Shepard had a feeling she was one of the missions he didn't agree with.

"I never was disappointed in you," Aria mused, playing along. "You make it sound like you're doing me a favor, drell, need I remind you who helped you quench your thirst for vengeance?"

"You needn't. I cannot forget. Task me with this mission, give me a competent team, and I'll seek out the Illusive Man for you. I will make him regret ever daring to stand against Azure Edge. Fighting the Network afterwards will be the easiest victory you've ever had. Saving John Shepard will just be a pleasant bonus. And in the event we fail, which is unlikely, you still have competent operatives. You can't wait forever for an opportunity to present itself. Our enemy is careful. This might be a trap, or this might be what you've been waiting for."

Shepard frowned, but Aria let out a crystalline laugh. She was enjoying their little game.

"Is _she_ really worth it, Thane?" her quizzical voice taunted.

 _I'm still here, you know,_ Shepard thought, but kept quiet. She really wanted to hear his answer.

"She is," he simply said. "I owe her."

For some reason, that answer wasn't the one she had wanted. Aria stayed silent for a while, clearly amused, considering it.

"I need Mordin Solus for medical support, Kasumi Gotto for stealth and information gathering, Tali'Zorah for engineering and tech and, of course, Shepard. And I need to ask Dr.T'Soni's external support for intel," Thane continued before she could argue, sensing he was gaining ground.

"Oh, sure! And why don't you take Archangel with you, too?" Aria teased, snorting with disdain.

"He would certainly be an asset," Thane answered in the most serious way possible.

"Hm… Let me sum this up. You demand that that I send you on a suicide mission because you fell for Shepard's pretty eyes, a mission that will most likely force you to find the Shadow Broker to get to the Illusive Man, and believe me, I've tried, it's not that easy. To do so, you strip me of my best operatives with no guarantee of success but a dying man's promise." She paused. "I don't appreciate being blackmailed like this, Thane."

"But as I said before…" she continued softly, her hand ghosting on his cheek, "I never could resist drell charms. Especially not yours. If you fail this, Azure will fail, too. You are confident that you can succeed? I trust you, don't make me regret it. "

"Never," he swore solemnly, ignoring the tender gesture.

"Out of my sight, both of you. Before I change my mind," the queen ordered.

Thane pivoted on his feet with a contented smile and Shepard followed him down the stairs.

"Thane?" Aria suddenly called.

He stopped and waited.

"A kiss goodbye?" she tempted.

"I wouldn't dare," he smiled.

Aria's crystalline laugh accompanied them down the stairs.

"What was that?" Shepard inquired as they left, still surprised by how easily he had turned Aria's anger upside-down.

"Negotiation."

"Yeah, let's call it that. I'm almost sad I made my 'recruiting' so easy now."

"I thought you hated me for it," he teased.

"Still do. But at least it would have been worth my while. Never thought drell could purr like cats."

"Cats?"

"You don't wanna know. Hey, ah… thank you. For this and… for earlier. I've been such a bitch to you, and you keep saving my ass. I won't forget."

He gave her an enigmatic smile and changed the subject. "We still need a ship."

"Oh, I can handle this. I've got just the one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	15. Chapter 15

"Wassiz name?" John asked with a clearly audible jealous tone in his voice.

Shepard smiled as she slowly caressed the panicked little creature in her hand, trying to calm it down. The green little lizard her dad had imported from Earth for her fourteenth birthday was her new favorite thing in the world.

"I don't know, he's so cute! He looks like a miniature version of the dragon from the book dad reads us at night."

John marveled at the reptile with innocent curiosity. He knew he had no right to touch it; they had fought about it earlier in the day until he had thrown a tantrum. That's what two-year-olds do. Fourteen years old herself didn't really care. She was used to her little brother's impulsive temper. He cried as much as he laughed.

She could spend days teaching him all the names of Earth animals. He was especially fond of elephants. He would giggle for hours at their trumpeting and imitate their calls through the house, exhausting their mom in the process. With her parents busy teaching the colonists, Shepard had to take care of her little brother a lot. At first it had bothered her, but eventually she discovered she was good at it. She was always finding new ways to entertain or calm the hot-tempered child when he got angry or sad. She enjoyed teaching him everything she knew. Maybe it was a family trait.

"Dargon?" he asked.

Shepard chuckled at his mispronounced version. He still had a hard time talking, but he was good at understanding.

"You know what? That's pretty good. I'm gonna call him Dargon."

John seemed happy with the name. He smiled ear to ear.

"Here, you can pet him, he's calm now. But be gentle, you scared him with all your yelling before."

* * *

Kasumi's couch was less comfortable than Shepard had thought, but maybe it was related to the fact that she kept tossing and turning, unable to sleep. Memories of John kept parading through her mind. A vicious thirst for vengeance acted like an adrenaline rush and kept sleep at bay. She stifled every glimmer of hope, preferring to nourish fantasies about her former employer's death instead. John might or might not be alive, but the Illusive Man would die either way.

Deep down Shepard already knew that vengeance would not sate her, but she didn't care. At least this time she could hide her selfish motive under the practical term of 'mission'.

And there was the drell assassin. He had been there, he had done exactly what she needed, every time. She knew love was not an option, not for her, but she felt something. Gratitude, admiration, whatever. She would not deny her attraction for him. It was there, and it was genuine. Maybe it would be reciprocated, but it would not be based on love. Shepard scoffed at her own thoughts. She felt pathetic thinking about this while her little brother was suffering who knew what at the hands of the Illusive Man.

Something bothered her, something Thane had said when she was panicking. It had felt like a nickname, only she didn't understand it. _Rana?_ The mystery of it had her thinking deep into the night until she had yielded to the urge to search its meaning on the extranet. But she didn't find anything. Information on drell culture or drell language was scarce, since translators usually did all the work.

After several hours of tossing uncomfortably, she admitted defeat and left the small apartment, careful not to wake Kasumi. It was the middle of the night cycle on Omega, yet the streets were still overcrowded. Space had no rhythm.

She needed somewhere to think. Any place where batarians and vorchas were not crawling like ants. She wondered if she could find the spot where she and Thane had been attacked, but after awhile she gave up. Omega was a maze. Instead, she went back to the spot she had found earlier, above Afterlife and under the dome. The metallic platform was thankfully deserted.

Sitting down against the cold metal of the platform, watching all the fuss below, she lit up a cigarette. She rarely indulged in them, but this night was an exception. Watching Omega's night life was pointless, but she could use the distraction.

Down below, a fat volus seemingly trading something to a vorcha. He looked exhausted, as if trying to explain something to the dumb client in front of him. Eventually, they exchanged something, trying to conceal the trade. A volus red sand dealer?

Near the entrance of Afterlife, the imposing Elcor bouncer was having trouble with a richly clothed asari. Shepard guessed she was shouting, even though there was no way to make out any of it. Waving her hands angrily at the massive alien, the asari finally surrendered and stomped back into the bowels of the station. Maybe she wore too many clothes to enter.

Shepard spotted Nyreen exiting the club. Two armored turians waited for their leader outside. She certainly spent a great deal of time with Aria. Shepard wished her companions would focus on this blooming romance instead of betting on her ending up with Krios.

"May I join you?"

It was the motley-colored drell from earlier. Rare they might be, but it seemed like Shepard couldn't get away from drell.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I often come here when I need to think. I'm Feron," he said, sitting down next to her.

"I know. Cigarette?" she offered, reaching for the pack in her pocket.

He took one, lit it, and let out a delighted rumbling sound. "So why are you here?"

"Mmh. You first," she countered, reluctant to let her brain focus again.

"To piss off Liara."

Shepard snorted in amusement. "Why?"

"That's our thing. She gives me too much work, I run away, she yells, and she loves me for it," he explained sarcastically.

"So you guys are together?" she asked.

"Not quite. She's in love with her work, and I'm not what you would call an honorable sort. I like to think of us as associates, but I'm more of a butler to her."

Shepard quirked a smile. She was beginning to like him.

"What about you?" he asked. "Daydreaming about Krios?"

"Does everyone on this damn station want to see me end up in his bed?" she complained. "I'm not like that. I don't do romantic bullshit. I needed a place to think, too, butler guy."

"The whole John Shepard business, uh?"

"Yeah," she bit out dismissively. He was polite enough not to ask.

He relaxed against the fence while taking a puff. "You gotta admit it's pretty fishy, though. When you left earlier, Krios followed almost immediately. Aria was pissed. And now Liara and I are supposed to give you any leads we have on my ex-employer?"

"Wait. You worked for the Shadow Broker?" Shepard asked, suddenly interested.

"Yep. I can't tell you where he is, though, don't get your hopes up. I never saw him in person. I can only provide coordinates to stations where he never sets foot. Cross this with the intel we got from Nyxeris, and you've got a pretty solid lead."

"Why did you change sides?"

Feron took another puff before answering, the glowing ember at the end of the cigarette illuminating his features.

"Liara," he simply said, letting a purr vibrate out of his chest.

"That's stupid," Shepard commented bluntly.

"I know. And now I'm hunted wherever I go, but it's worth it. I'm not the romantic type either, but I'd follow her anywhere."

"What if she never returns your feelings?" she asked. They were strangers to each other, they could talk frankly.

"Then I'll just be a butler. I'm good at it anyway."

"Uh uh." Shepard scoffed. _Love_. Dumb and useless. A waste of time and abilities. "Hey, can I ask you a question about drell?" she requested impulsively.

"Only if I can ask you a question about humans."

"Okay, let's do that. This is gonna sound weird but…how do drell perceive humans?"

He snorted in hilarity. "You're definitely thinking of Krios." She shot him a ferocious look, but he didn't flinch. "Well, I can't tell you how he perceives humans, but honestly, to me you're…bland. I mean your kind comes in different colors from what I've seen, but it's always just one all over. And you, especially, seem kind of ill to me. Paleness is considered a sign of sickness among us. You're weaker and smaller, sleek skin, breasts, and you have this weird patch of hair on your head, which is the only colorful thing about you. It's intriguing. Can I touch it?"

He raised a hand, but at her glare, he wisely withdrew it.

"So, to drell, the more colorful you are, the more handsome?"

"Yep. I had my success back on Kahje, too bad asari can't see that." He paused to stub out his cigarette against the metallic floor.

"My turn," he added as Shepard was still processing the fact that she looked horrible to him. "Same question, only the reverse. How do human perceive drell?"

Shepard took some time to think about it. A vivid image of Thane passed before her eyes. How did she perceive him?

"It's complicated, you guys look so…alien and yet so similar to us. I mean it must be as weird as for you, so many colors, texture, stripes. Take you, for example, I may seem bland to you, but you seem overly-colored to me. Then there's the scales, the eyes- it's disconcerting not being able to see your pupils most of the time. And the neck thing." He chuckled. "At first it's almost…gross, you know, but I've spent most of my time in space so nothing surprises me anymore. Yeah, I guess I find drell attractive. Might be the muscles. All the drell I've seen were well built, by human standards anyway. But I still don't get even a third of this subvocals thing you have going on. What's up with that?"

"You mean _kadhar_?" he asked, amused.

"Eh? My translator didn't catch that."

"Translators are not yet fully adapted to drells subtleties. It's the word we use for undertones, or subvocals, as you call them. We have a wide range of those. Sometimes, words are not needed. I've never spoken as much as I have with aliens. Turians can hear them, but they have their own sublanguage so there are many misunderstandings. We tend to woo on the same frequency they insult, for example. Humans are much simpler. They don't do anything subtly. They speak their mind without any care," he teased.

"Yeah well, I can't express how annoying you are with subvocals, so fuck you," she smiled.

He let out a an amused growl, menacing yet playful. She decided it was an insult.

"Hey, I heard that, I'm not as deaf as you think."

* * *

After getting a much needed shower at Kasumi's, Shepard called the Normandy on her omni-tool.

"Shepard, what can I do for you?" EDI's voice answered after a few moments.

"Hi EDI, it's been a while. Any chance I could talk to Joker?"

"Jeff is currently sleeping in his quarters. Do you need me to wake him up?"

"Yes, please, this is rather important."

"Very well. Please wait."

Shepard made a note to ask Joker if all his creations had incredibly sexy voices.

"Hey, Shepard, you realise it's the middle of the night, right? I thought you were dead, since you've got a mighty big contract on your ass." Joker's sleepy voice finally buzzed.

"Sorry to get you out of bed, Joker, but I need a favor."

"When do you not?" he joked, yawning.

"It's not just a trip, this time. How would you feel about a full-length mission? You've got the best ship I know."

"How long? And how well does it pay? I've got AIs to feed, ya know."

"I can't fill you in with the details right now, too risky. But maybe a week, maybe a month. I'll be bringing a team this time. Unfortunately, I'm not as rich as I used to be, I can offer 500,000 credits tops."

"500,000 credits is good... but, you know, you're worth a million. No offense, Shepard."

"This is all I can offer. My Citadel account has been blocked. Can't you just...do this for me, Joker? We've been working together for so long, I can't imagine asking for any other ship in the galaxy, to be honest. I know I've always been grumpy with you, but it doesn't mean I didn't appreciate you and the Normandy," she pleaded.

He stayed silent. She waited.

"Alright, But don't fuck with my AIs, or I'll be collecting that damn reward," he finally agreed. "I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, but hell, for old times' sake, I'll take you anywhere, Shepard. Don't tell EDI though, she'd be jealous."

"I'm monitoring this conversation, Jeff," the muffled robotic AI voice said, and once again, Shepard was surprised to notice an undertone of reproach to it.

She could hear him clear his throat. "Yeah...So where do I pick you up? And how many people are we talking about?"

"There's six of us. Omega. Thanks, Joker. I owe you one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc..) for English proof and beta reading.


	16. Chapter 16

The Normandy was running smoothly, and they would reach Illium in a couple of hours. Liara had crossed referenced Feron and Nyxeris' intel to get a solid lead on the Shadow Broker: a salarian named Sekat who was said to have the location of the Broker's ship. He worked at Dracon Trade Center in the middle of Nos Astra, and he would be easy enough to find. Once they had the Shadow Broker, the Illusive Man would be a piece of cake.

Joker had hired a complete crew to help him run his ship- a doctor whose name she had forgotten, a yeoman, a mess sergeant, two engineers, the list was long. Shepard felt proud of how much Joker's business had evolved. He was now captain and pilot, and his illegal AIs were famous in the galaxy underground.

Joker had allowed each member of Shepard's 'team' to choose their quarters. Mordin had been as surprised as Shepard to hear the ship now had a lab and had settled in it immediately. Kasumi had jumped on the opportunity to have a bar to herself and took port observation. Tali had requested to sleep near the ship's core, while Garrus chose the main battery. Thane had asked for a dry environment, and EDI offered him life support. All but Shepard had been surprised by the illegal AI's presence. When Shepard's turn had come, Joker didn't wait for her to ask for her old cabin.

"I kept it exactly how you left it, it used to be the largest, but mine is bigger now. There might even be some old clothes of yours left. Gardner probably didn't let the dust settle in but, otherwise, it's your cabin."

"Aw, shucks, Joker, if I didn't know you, I'd say you've got a thing for me."

He had chuckled hesitantly and readjusted his cap, glancing sideways at the blue orb that was EDI.

"Well, you're my favorite assassin, and you always paid me well, at least until now," he said with a smile.

* * *

The cabin was exactly as Joker said it would be, only cleaner than she had left it. The empty fish tank she would never fill, the panel to showcase ship models she would never buy, and the large bed where she enjoyed sleeping kitty-corner. Searching through lockers, she found one of her old suits, let out a contented sound and slid out of the overly tight one Kasumi had provided. There were even some of her workout clothes she had kept on the ship. She usually used the travel time to train in the shuttle bay. Her old suit could wait. She put on her workout outfit and headed for the cargo hold. Just like old times. She had a feeling she could cross the entire ship without bumping into any of her companions, which was fortunate. Despite the hoodie covering her loose-fitting crop top that left her midriff exposed, her shorts still let the scars on her legs show.

The cargo hold was thankfully empty. A large smile bloomed on her face when she realized Joker hadn't removed the old punching bag she used to torment for hours. Unzipping her hoodie and tossing it on a crate, she began her old ritual: alternating punches and kicks on the worn out bag.

She still hadn't slept since her conversation with Feron, but despite exhaustion, sleep refused to come and she was tired of trying. More exercise couldn't hurt. It was her way of coping, always had been. That and rage. The big ball of hate in her stomach hadn't shrunk at all, and she suddenly felt sad that she didn't have a holo of the Illusive Man to project on her current victim.

Her thoughts slowly flowed back to John. Every time she tried to picture his face, all she saw were his eyes- two scared blue gems. The rest was blurry; time had made her memories foggy. She remembered his words but not his voice, and she felt guilty for it. She couldn't imagine what he looked like now. Would she be able to recognize him after all this time? Maybe she would pass by him without realising. Worry coiled in her throat again. _No. We have leads. We're going to find him_.

The punching bag didn't help at all. She might as well take Eris out and practice other moves. The cool handle of the dagger in her hand gave her a little boost. All these emotions were weaknesses that she needed to shut down. It wasn't until she pivoted with a swift kick that she realised she wasn't alone.

The sight of Thane pressed against the wall, arms crossed and observing her, made her jump.

"Gah! For fuck's sake, Thane! How did I not hear you come in?"

"I didn't want to disturb you. You seemed very absorbed," he explained.

"I should have heard the door," she complained.

He glanced at the vents with a meaningful smile.

"Really?" she exclaimed in disbelief. "You really are a duct rat."

"Sere Krios wanted to explore the ship. I gave him access to the vents," EDI's voice buzzed out of nowhere.

Shepard sighed. "How long have you been here?"

"A few minutes," he replied.

She suddenly felt very self-conscious of her exposed scars under his intense eyes.

"So you're just gonna stare or what?" she bit out. "Come on, take that armored jacket off. Fight me."

He stared at her, noting her shaky legs and the bags under her eyes.

"I don't think sparring with you right now would be fair. You seem weary," he observed wisely.

"Can't sleep anyway. Don't make me beg, Krios. Exhaust me."

He considered it some more before surrendering and taking off his jacket. Shepard couldn't help but let her eyes wander over the intricately carved muscles of his arms. Dark stripes went around them like tattoos as they twitched in anticipation. The drell walked to the center of the room to face her. She put Eris back in her sheath on top of a crate and prepared to fight. They stared at each other, slowly turning in circles, each one waiting for the other to make the first move; their eternal game. He made no noise. It was almost disconcerting. Neither of them wanted to attack first, but the more they waited, the more tension built up.

Shepard had enough before he did. She'd never been patient, and she'd missed the dance. It began gently with a simple punch. Dodged. Another, also dodged. The rhythm slowly sped up until he threw a kick at her face, spinning on his axis perfectly, setting up the familiar pace they were used to. She ducked swiftly, and tried to kick the leg that kept him steady. He simply jumped in the air and landed silently a few meters away, crouching like a cat. His eyes were intense, two orbs of will, determined to pin her down. A low growl emanated from him. She knew he would not hold back on account of her weariness. It would be an insult, and he knew it. Every second more adrenaline surged through her and pushed her limits further.

But her attention span was shortened by exhaustion. Some attacks came close to hit her, but the blows that got past her guard never had enough strength to cause significant damage. They felt like caresses. Scales on silk skin, gravel on feathers. It made it even harder to focus, as she overheated with effort and improper thoughts.

He made a blunt front attack, but she quickly sensed it was only a feint. When he suddenly shifted to get behind her, she was ready. She jammed her elbow backwards, trying to hit his chest before he could immobilise her. But he was already gone, searching for another opening in her stance.

She didn't leave him time to find one, bolting the other way, only to come back on his side to bash her fist on his ribs. He smiled at her forthright approach and hopped to the side, responding with a kick to her chin. She didn't dodge and was hit full force. Her teeth clacked together hard, and she lurched back awkwardly but quickly recovered. In the back of her mind she tried to justify her failure as exhaustion, but deep down, she knew he was better than she was.

They began circling again, catching their breath. His predatory look made her shiver. He stared at her, analyzing her every move, foreseeing any attack. She wasn't self-conscious anymore. The scars were forgotten. It felt like his eyes left hot trails of fire on her body. Fire described everything about her at the moment. She burned with desire and adrenaline. She'd been smiling all along, hungry for more.

But she was determined to win. When he attacked again, he shifted to her right side, then suddenly to her left, trying to confuse her. Anticipating his next move, she sprung in a spectacular jump, flying in the air to land on his shoulders, legs wrapped around his neck and using the momentum to try and force him down and strangle him. If he was surprised, she couldn't tell.

She should have known drell necks were thicker than humans. Despite the force of her impact, he didn't fall, and he didn't seem to have trouble breathing even with her legs wrapped around his neck.

"You lose, Shepard," he declared.

And with that, he fell on his back voluntarily, pinning Shepard under his weight. She let out a startled "Oof," crushed by the drell and the shock with the cold metal floor. They stayed down for a while, tangled together and panting.

"Thick neck bastard," she managed to whisper.

"Never aim for a drell's neck in hand to hand combat. The skin may be tender, but the structure is strong," he calmly advised, ignoring her insult.

"Technically you're pinned down too," she pouted, undeniably turned on by the sight of his scaly head between her thighs. She could feel her heartbeat accelerate, and the heat that had pooled through her body during the fight grew with their unintentional intimacy. His growl had turned into a rumble, and she wished she knew what it meant.

"Indeed, but I have the upper hand. In a real fight, this move would have caused your demise," he answered. "Are you hurt?"

"Nah, I'll just have a few bruises. My pride was hurt more than my body. I'm going to need a rematch when I'm fully rested."

"Shepard?"

"Hm?"

"You can release me now."

The rumbling in his chest was getting louder, the vibrations surging through her delightfully.

"What if I don't?" Velvet voice and suggestive tone.

He sighed. "What exactly do you want from me, Shepard? You constantly seek to antagonize me, yet your body screams otherwise."

She felt her cheeks flush despite trying to control it.

_What the fuck am I trying to do? Hitting on a widower? What is wrong with me?_

She loosened her grip, suddenly very uncomfortable. He smoothly slid out, got to his feet in one swift motion and offered her a hand. Her legs were shaky, and it was due just as much to his proximity as their recent match. The cold feeling of his scaly hand on hers didn't help cool the incandescent heat radiating from her. At that moment, she was almost certain she could have powered the drive core by just standing in it.

"You know what I want, I can't control it. You started this. Mission or not, you lit a fire and never extinguished it."

"I didn't light that fire," he countered with confused eyes.

"Oh, really?" she snapped.

He raised a ridged eyebrow at her aggressivity, before his eyes opened wide, in the unmistakeable motion of reviving memories, and before she could stop him, he fell into it.

"' _So you came here just to thank me and chat about life choices?' she teases. A wave of unfamiliar pheromones overwhelms me. I know precisely what she wants even before she does. I can hear the pace of her heart quickening, feel the heat she produces. I didn't plan this. The mission doesn't require it, and I hesitate. I offer to let her end my life, suggesting something else, despite myself. She awakes a forgotten urge I thought dead for decades. 'Maybe later, then.' Voice sultry as silk, pale hand with strange unfused fingers brushing my scales, lust in molten-lava eyes. Entrancing alien features filling my senses, confusion as I realise she has already won, I desire her. She..._ "

He was interrupted by Shepard's lips crushed against his, her body slamming him against the nearest wall and coaxing a surprised groan out of him. She couldn't help it. He didn't hesitate any more. He took control and spun her around, pinning her between him and the cold metal bulkhead. But she burned so much that the cold didn't have a chance of cooling the fire inside her. There was nothing but his plain full lips parted to let her in, releasing the tension that had coiled between them, untold. Dancing tongues, adventurous hands and shaky sighs, a whirlwind of sensations that Shepard had craved for way too long. The dance had not ended, the music just changed. He attacked her neck, searching for her pulse, kissing it softly, wandering around it with tongue and teeth, hunting for a weak spot that would make her moan and rumbling with a satisfied sound when he found it. The vibrations in his chest surged through her again, making her shiver and raising goosebumps on her skin. She watched as he marveled at them with fascination, running his fingers along her arms. In a heartbeat, her crop top was no more, revealing more scars and leaving her in her sport bra, vulnerable and yielding under his touch.

Her hands caressed the velvet ribbing of his crimson neck. It caused a predatory growl to escape from his throat, and the sound made her shake with anticipation. He pressed her to him, his arousal evident against her thigh. Ice and fire met and melded perfectly.

The venom had kicked in, and the assassin glowed again, flashing green, glimmering scales, smouldering eyes. The stripes on his body looked as if they were moving, snakes circling his arms sensually. Every touch felt vibrant on her oversensitive skin as he traced the lines of her scars with cold fingers. She didn't mind, she was caught up in the moment. Lips met again, something desperate in their hungry kiss.

"EDI," she managed to say, breaking away reluctantly. Her voice grew raspy, stifling a moan when he ran a hand over her breasts as the room began to spin. "Lock the doors, give us some privacy."

"Acknowledged, Shepard, however, you should know that the ETA to Illium is 17 minutes," EDI answered in her sexy deadpan voice.

It felt like a bucket of ice-cold water on Shepard's head. Thane had frozen. She let out a frustrated groan and met his dark stare. He seemed torn between desire and reason, a hunter whose prey was escaping.

"Quickie?" she asked, desperate, unable to take her eyes off him.

"Not enough time," he replied, regaining control despite his hoarse voice. "You need to get the venom out of your system. I shouldn't have let this happen."

"Hey," she said softly, almost begging, too high to care. "Don't change your mind, I really want this."

She tried to catch the snakes eeling around his arms. Her fingers ended up around his neck, idly playing with the texture of his skin. "Damn, you're so sexy," she whispered.

He sighed and released her carefully, much to her dismay.

"We'll talk about this later. You should take a shower, it might help," he advised, handing her her top and hoodie while she staggered on her feet.

"I hate you so much."

"Understandable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.


	17. Chapter 17

In the shuttle, Shepard listened to Garrus give directions. It had soon become obvious that Vakarian should lead missions that required team work, since his C-Sec background had prepared him for it. He had instinctively claimed leadership, and no one had objected. Any other time, Shepard would have argued, but she was still fighting dizziness. The venom had mostly worn off; the frustration hadn't.

She shot frequent glances at the drell who had gone back to his neutral state, looking focused. He was polishing his sniper rifle absently, waiting for Garrus to speak.

 _Hot_.

She slapped herself mentally, cursing the venom.

"Okay, listen up." Garrus began. "Lucky for us, Dracon Trade Center may be considered secure, but it's literally covered with windows. It's a sniper's heaven. I will be in the building in front of it, covering you, but two snipers would be nice. Krios? Feelin' up to it?"

The assassin nodded, readjusting his collar unconsciously.

"Great. Shepard and Kasumi, you protect Tali if hacking is needed. Here, take these," he said, tossing a pair of earpiece communicators across the shuttle toward them. Kasumi reached out to grab them before Shepard could move. She offered one to Shepard with a not-so-sorry smile of apology. Shepard took the offered communicator with a brief nod. She was glad Kasumi had caught them, pretty sure she would have bungled the catch due to the venom still working its way out of her system, and that would have raised questions she didn't feel like answering.

Garrus was still speaking. "We'll be in contact the whole time. There's are likely to be highly-trained security agents roaming the building. The target is on the third floor, right next to the salarian embassy. He works for Baria Frontiers. If we're lucky, we might be able to get what we need without any bloodshed. Mordin, you said you had training in intel extraction?"

"Correct," the salarian answered.

"Great, 'cause you'll need to interrogate Sekat fast. If we manage to do everything according to plan, it's in and out in less than an hour."

* * *

Sundown on Nos Astra bathed the place in a surreal orange light, but they weren't there to admire the scenery. Shepard and Kasumi, both cloaked, accompanied Tali and Mordin into the fancy building. Shepard couldn't take the risk of any bounty hunter recognizing her. Seemingly here for business, the salarian and the quarian were dressed casually, melting into the crowd. Even though they didn't draw attention, they were surprised at the amount of security the building had. Every door was guarded. The area was crowded with traders or ambassadors. It smelled like fancy canapés and bureaucracy.

"There's a shit-load of security here, Vakarian," Shepard warned into her earpiece. "Hope you're set up because if anything goes wrong, we unleash hell."

"The logs show the security was recently increased. I think they're expecting something," Tali added.

"Observer dead, must have deduced Sekat would be next," Mordin said.

Shepard looked around, searching for any sign of danger, when her eyes passed over a blue armor.

"Wait," she interrupted. "These are Blue Suns. Why would Blue Suns play security guards here?"

"Anyone could have hired them. We are in position, I have you in my sights." Thane's deep gravelly voice buzzed into her earpiece, making her shiver.

As they casually walked to the elevator, Shepard's senses were on edge. The Network sometimes hired Blue Suns, but Thane was right, anyone could have hired them. She had a feeling nothing would go according to plan, but she played along. Surely the guards wouldn't risk opening fire in this overcrowded trade center. Their cover wasn't blown, there was no need for anxiety. As the elevator door closed, Shepard relaxed slightly.

In the meantime, Tali was setting loops on surveillance devices, running her fingers over her omnitool faster than Shepard had ever seen before. "We should be set," the quarian informed, sounding slightly worried as they slowly ascended.

"I can't see the elevator from here, so be careful. I see no civilians but more security," Garrus' voice informed.

The doors opened to reveal a wide corridor opening on several companies and lounges, potted plants and Blue Suns everywhere.

As they walked toward the neon letters announcing Baria Frontiers, Shepard noticed one of the mercs glaring at Mordin, then at his omnitool.

"Shit," she muttered.

"It's them!" the guard shouted, and everything went to hell.

A dozen Blue Sun converged on them, guns blazing. The window broke almost immediately with the impact of a bullet which ended its course in one of the enemy's skull.

"Nice shot," Garrus commented as Shepard rushed in front of Tali to give her time to summon her drone, shooting her Stinger into one's gut and slicing another's throat in fluid motion. Mordin created a neural shockwave, incapacitating the closest enemies and giving Tali and him time to escape the highly exposed spot and regroup further away. Shepard and Kasumi stayed in the melee, spinning like deadly tornados. Bullets flew around them, and enemies dropped with headshots from Garrus and Thane as the two women dodged blows. Shepard rushed furiously toward a nearby enemy, but his head was blown to bits before she could attack.

"That was my kill," she groaned into her earpiece.

"I apologize," Thane's voice buzzed, somehow playful.

_So this is how it's gonna be…_

She spotted another merc who was going straight for Tali's hiding spot. The quarian was too focused on shooting and controlling her drone at the same time to see the approaching danger. Shepard went for the kill, but once again her enemy dropped with a clean headshot.

"Not funny, Thane," she smiled.

"I am truly so-" The rest of his sentence dissolved into coughing.

"Thane, are you okay?"

The wheezing sound of his ragged breathing abruptly stopped when he cut his comm.

In the midst of action, Shepard spiraled around enemies going in and out of invisibility, striking from the shadows, worried and eager to finish off the few mercs still alive. When nothing was left but scattered bodies, she asked, "Vakarian, status?"

There was a long silence.

"Focus on the mission, Shepard," Thane's labored voice finally answered. "I'm fine."

Mordin laid a reassuring a hand on her shoulder.

"He has treatment. Used to fits. Will be fine."

Shepard suddenly realised everyone was watching her. Being the center of attention made her very uncomfortable.

"I just wanted to be sure we still had two operational snipers is all," she blurted out aggressively, shrugging off Mordin's hand and heading for Baria Frontiers headquarters without looking back.

* * *

Sekat was a stunted salarian obsessed with corporate bureaucracy, hiding behind mighty words and trying to redirect them to other services. When they made it clear that they weren't there to buy charts, he turned out to be a tough nut to crack. Getting the intel out of him took Mordin more than 30 minutes. Tali had to exit the room when simple threats no longer sufficed. They learned that the Shadow Broker Base was a massive ship that traveled through the volatile atmosphere of Hagalaz, a second-tier garden world that received little attention from the galactic community. Baria Frontiers acted as a cover, never selling the star charts relative to his location.

"No use to us now," Mordin declared, wiping the blood off his hands.

"I'll handle it," Shepard replied, unsheathing Eris.

"Please don't!" Sekat begged.

"Don't kill him, Shepard. We got what we wanted, now let's go," Garrus ordered.

"He's gonna go straight to the Shadow Broker. If we kill him now, there's at least a chance the Broker won't know who's searching for him. Tali's surveillance loops will allow us to leave this place unnoticed, if we don't let anyone alive," she retorted dismissively. "I'm not doing this for pleasure, Garrus. I never leave evidence behind."

"I agree," Thane approved in a steady tone, stronger than before.

Garrus sighed. "I don't like this."

Needing no further encouragement, Shepard slit the salarian's throat without regret.

* * *

When the doors of Baria Frontiers opened to let them out, Shepard froze.

"Shepard. I hoped it wouldn't be you." The voice, the scarred face, the glass eye. He was a vision from her all-too-recent past that she hoped she'd never see again.

"Zaeed. That explains the Blue Suns."

"Know him?" Mordin asked.

"Network, one of the founders of the Blue Suns," Shepard simply replied.

"Shit," Garrus crackled into her earpiece.

Massani was standing in front of them, his arms crossed and with a defiant stare, surrounded by mercs.

"Zaeed, step aside. I don't want to have to kill you," she threatened as Mordin, Kasumi and Tali raised their weapons.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but ya know it's not gonna happen. I hate traitors, and you happen to be a very expensive one. My boys are hungry for their pay. The partnership with the Network gave me a pretty high status. You wouldn't want my reputation stained, uh? You can still choose to surrender."

Shepard felt torn. She had affection for the old man, but she knew this would happen; it came with the Network betrayal package.

"I have him in my visor," Thane's deep voice warned.

"Not yet," she muttered. "Massani, come on, have we not been good friends? You really want to work for this bastard? You don't have to be a subordinate."

Her poor attempt was rewarded by a deep frank laugh.

"Don't fuck with me Shepard, you know better than this. Surrender or die. Either way, I'm getting the goddamn credits," he said, but his voice was tinged with regret.

Into her comm, "Thane, he's mine."

"I'll miss you, Zaeed," she added out loud, before the setting dissolved into chaos again.

The merc that was closest to Massani immediately dropped to the floor, another perfect headshot, and then everything melted into blood and gunfire. Fully in her element, Shepard cloaked and went directly for the Network operative. He had Jessie out. The rifle barked in Massani's skilled hands as he shot in her direction. Even though she was cloaked, the old merc seemed to have a sixth sense of where she was, and his shots came uncomfortably close.

"You always liked to skulk in the shadows, Shepard," he roared. "But Jessie's gonna find ya!"

He was difficult to approach, shielded by a deadly barrage of slugs. But he would have to reload at some point. She kept dodging as best she could, but she couldn't avoid them all. A lucky shot penetrated her thigh in a crippling burst of fire and pain and forced her to slow down. _Keep moving_ , she screamed to herself, but each step sent shockwaves of burning pain into every nerve. She bit her tongue, but a grunt of pain still escaped her. Drops of blood fell on the floor, revealing her position.

Around them, Blue Suns fell like flies. Against Kasumi's surprise attacks, Tali's drone, Mordin neural shockwaves and Garrus and Thane's lethal shots, the enemy had no chance.

As Zaeed quickly closed on Shepard, dodging Jessie's deadly fire became more difficult. Finally, he had to reload. Shepard seized the opportunity and launched herself in the air with less grace than usual, ignoring the lighting strike of pain in her leg. She landed on him, pinning him to the ground, Eris less than two millimeters from his throat. He had always been good at long range, but he had no chance in close combat. Shepard decloaked. His piercing eyes locked on hers, the last barrier to his inevitable death.

"Bye bye, big girl, I'll miss you, too," he whispered, resigned. There was no hate in his eyes, only a strange glimmer of pride. "Take care of Jessie, would you?"

"I will, old man."

* * *

After the mission, Shepard had her leg fixed in the med bay, refusing Thane's help to get there, even though it took ages to reach the doctor as she limped awkwardly. She could carry her own weight and wouldn't accept any help.

She was now in the Normandy's armory, carefully cleaning Jessie. It was some kind of ritual to her, untold yet required, a token of respect. She had no use for the rifle, but she would preserve it. She felt strangely empty. She needed to sleep badly, but this was important. Zaeed's last words kept echoing in her mind as she finally left the armory, clinging to the rifle as if it could forgive her for the death of its master.

She wondered if Kasumi would let her borrow a bottle from the bar to make the gloomy thoughts go away and headed for port observation, still limping a little. The doors opened to reveal Kasumi on her couch casually conversing with Garrus and Tali seated at the bar. A strange glowing red orb, similar to a drone, but with metal plates and what might be robotic arms, was floating behind them.

"Shepard!" Kasumi exclaimed cheerfully. "You gotta see this! DAP, this is Shepard. She looks like she needs a drink."

The red orb floated to Shepard who flinched back, not knowing how to react.

"Greetings, I am a Drinking Assistance Program, a virtual intelligence created by Jeff Moreau. What can I offer you?"

Of course it would reference its creator, he had such a big ego. Only half-surprised that Joker would create a VI dedicated to alcohol, Shepard shook her head to repress a smile. She sat at the bar, followed by the small machine and the gaze of her squadmates.

"You got anything human?" she finally answered.

"I can create several cocktails. The Normandy was recently restocked with brandy, vodka, beer-"

"Gimme some vodka."

"Very well."

DAP extended its little robotic arms to fetch a bottle and a shotglass, and soon, Shepard gulped down its entire contents. She wondered if Joker ever got drunk flying. Surely EDI wouldn't allow it.

"So, er...this guy, Massani," Garrus began, noticing her reordering the same drink.

"We're not in C-sec anymore, _Officer_ , I don't have to answer your dumb questions," she drawled sarcastically.

"Touchy subject," Tali deduced, nudging Garrus with her elbow. "Anyway, how did you two meet?"

When it became clear that Shepard would only focus on drinking, Garrus decided to answer.

"Shepard was way younger than she is now. She ran with the shady kids on the Citadel, dealt drugs for a living, slippery but not cautious enough. The first time we caught her, she was selling red sand for gangs, fought like an enraged varren to escape me. She wasn't in the records, and she gave a fake name. At first I believed her, but when I checked, I discovered it was actually from an old human novel…What was it again?"

"Anna Karenina, then Emma Bovary, then…can't remember." Shepard answered.

"Right, it became a game within C-sec, catching you to get a new name and finding its origin. We called you 'Slippery kid.' You always escaped. It became less funny when the rumor spread that you had started taking assassination contracts." Shepard's smile widened at the memory. "But we never caught you again. At the time, if anyone had told me _you_ would find me first and recruit me into a criminal organisation, I would never have believed it."

Tali giggled, sipping some kind of colorful cocktail. "So she was a legend, right?"

"Still am!" Shepard blurted out, having downed four shots already. "To be honest, I sometimes let you catch me. If I had known you enjoyed it, you'd have never seen me again."

"My analysis of your conversation suggests that shared memories and cheerful mood deserve a toast," DAP's masculine robotic voice buzzed, followed by a stunned silence.

Kasumi let out a giggle, soon followed by Tali. "Aren't VIs supposed to talk only if talked to?" Garrus wondered.

Shepard wouldn't be surprised if this 'VI' wasn't really one. She raised her glass and shouted, "To betrayal!" and gulped it down.

"Well I'm not drinking to that…" Tali said disapprovingly.

" _Shepard, get your ass down here and bring your team. Incoming call from Liara T'Soni,_ " Joker suddenly interrupted through the comms.

* * *

"He's gone!" Liara cried out as soon as the connection was established.

"Dr. T'Soni, calm down," Thane said reassuringly. "Who's gone?"

"Feron! I sent him off-world to gather intel, and he's been missing ever since. He's not answering my calls and…I think they found him. Oh, Goddess! What have I done!"

Her face was distorted with pain and worry through the holo, silent tears flowing down her cheeks. A long silence followed her declaration as everyone tried to think of a better explanation for Feron's disappearance.

Shepard finally broke the silence, refusing to deny the truth any longer. "We have the Shadow Broker's location."

Liara stared at her blankly, slowly understanding what it meant, before her face melded into pure determination.

"Then I'm coming with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr if you have questions : labucheronne

In the haze, Shepard had trouble comprehending where she was. Her surroundings felt strangely similar to Mindoir's forests, but as she strolled through eerie, blurred, column-shaped trees, the setting became flowy. The forest melded into something that might have been Tuchanka, as ancient krogan statues filled the space, watching her advance with empty judging eyes.

She only realized there was stairs under her feet when she looked down. Somehow the ground felt even. Or was she flying? Sand engulfed the forest and replaced it like it never existed. She could see the sky now, only there wasn't one. No clouds; only stars. Unknown galaxies intermingling as if there was no atmosphere, too close, too intense. She dropped her gaze, unable to stare at infinity too long.

A shape took form in the distance, erupting from sand or created by it, she wasn't sure. It seemed more and more familiar as dust refined into detailed skin texture and intricate garments of clothing. She ran- or floated- down the stairs towards it, as fast as she could, not really knowing why. The dusty silhouette kept growing more defined until she was finally confronted with the unmistakable image of her former lover turned enemy. She stopped dead in her tracks and stared, horrified, at the visage in front of her.

Kai Leng stared at her, ethereal and unmoving. He wore his black armor, still bloody from the mortal wound she'd inflicted on him.

"My death didn't have any meaning."

His voice was monotone, devoid of any emotions. Shepard tried to speak, to justify herself, to say anything, but she had no mouth and nothing to say.

"I cared about you," he continued, empty tone and judging eyes.

_I don't need to feel this, I'm not weak. I don't fucking care!_

She closed her eyes to banish the ghost, focusing on the sound of dust flying around her, and when she opened them again, he was gone.

The setting changed again, too fast, dizzying. Illium? Potted plants and flashy lights. Everything seemed dulled down as colors shifted slowly in a constant blur. The sand poured everywhere.

"You betrayed us."

Turning around in one swift surreal movement, Shepard sought the origin of this familiar voice. Raspy, low and deep, it was Zaeed's voice. But he wasn't there, and the walls were already crumbling into yet another landscape. Too fast. Chora's den, completely empty and destroyed, its roof collapsed and giving way to the endless galaxy, spinning in a harrowing vacuum to swallow it all. The sand created a spiraling path into the infinity of stars, as if inviting her to follow.

"Will you kill me too, ice queen?" Jack echoed through the void as Shepard was inevitably sucked into space, unable to grasp anything to slow her certain death, her hands too weak. Did she even have any?

Chora's Den melted into oblivion as fast as it had appeared, and nothing was left but the stars, cold and bright. Shepard expected to suffocate, but nothing happened. She just drifted slowly into abstract light and unrecognizable star systems.

"Look at what you've become! How could you leave your brother behind!" an angry voice wailed.

"Mom!" Shepard finally cried out in recognition, suddenly able to speak, as a muffled familiar high-pitched sobbing accompanied the painful reproaches of her mother. It was John, she knew it.

"You're a monster," another voice accused. "This is not what we wanted for you."

"Dad, please!"

She didn't know what exactly she was asking. Every word felt like a knife plunging into her gut and turning mercilessly. No matter where she looked, she couldn't catch a glimpse of her parents; their voices drifted away like everything else. She grasped at the sand flowing around her to try and control her movements, but it was useless, making her spin instead. She wanted to scream, but no one would hear. She floated, aimless, torn by guilt and panic for what seemed like an eternity. Her cheeks felt wet, even though she didn't remember crying.

_Make it stop!_

When solid ground suddenly appeared under her feet, she didn't pay much attention to it because her surroundings had radically changed again. A strong arm had suddenly embraced her from behind, cold, yet reassuring. Glancing down, she recognized the scaly hand on her stomach, holding her close. She leaned back into the unexpected contact, inhaling the sweet scent of him, grateful for the comfort it provided. Thane was silent. She couldn't turn around but she didn't care, she'd hold on to anything at this point.

As he tightened his embrace, she felt something sharp poking the small of her back. She flinched in surprise and tried to escape him, but he was too strong. She let out a muffled shriek as she struggled, but he wouldn't let go.

"Let me go! What are you-"

"You are already too far gone, and I am dying. It's your turn to be betrayed."

His unforgiving deep voice pierced her heart even as the blade pierced her flesh. The excruciating pain woke her up immediately, panting and panicked, screaming.

A few frantic glances helped her acknowledge her surroundings. Her cabin, the Normandy, safe. The dimly lit and quiet room was reassuring, but she could hear her heart beating insanely fast in her ears.

"Shepard, my sensors suggest that you are distressed. Do you need me to call Dr. Chakwas?" EDI's voice chimed, breaking the silence that had only been perturbed by Shepard's ragged breathing. Now that she thought about it, the ship was awfully silent, no vibrations, no drive core constant rumbling in the distance.

"No, EDI. Tell me. Are we docked?"

"The Normandy is currently at bay on Omega, the crew members were granted a five-hour shore leave while your associates speak with Aria T'Loak. I was told we would be welcoming Liara T'Soni. Do you have any other inquiries?"

"Yes. How long did I sleep, and why didn't anyone wake me up?" Shepard asked, angry that her companions had left without her.

"You slept for 14 hours. Sere Krios instructed me to ensure you were not disturbed so that you could rest. Your team will be back in less than an hour."

"Thanks, that will be all."

"Logging you out."

Shepard groaned. She felt even more restless than before going to bed. She needed coffee.

* * *

Picking up a steaming mug in the mess, she sat next to Joker, who was obsessively repairing some kind of robotic device. She drank her beverage in silence, not trying to engage any conversation with him.

She could still feel the cold and deadly embrace of the drell, and no matter how hard she tried to persuade herself that it was all just a dream, she felt betrayed. _How ironic._

"Lighten up, Shepard, we're gonna find them. When did we ever fail?" Joker finally said softly, as the little orb he had been manipulating began to glow and float in the air with a loud beeping sound. Shepard simply nodded, sipping her coffee. "There, go help Donnelly and Daniels, will you?" he added, waving his hand at his creation.

"Acknowledged," the little drone answered before floating away.

The doors opened, and the relative calm atmosphere of the mess disappeared instantly as Liara came in, followed by the rest of the team. She looked restless, and introduced herself to Joker with a tired voice and then turned to Shepard.

"Shepard," Liara began with a faint smile. "I know this is not the mission's prime objective, but thank you for doing this for me."

Shepard hadn't realised the whole enterprise was _her_ mission until Liara pointed it out. She wasn't a leader, and it made her uncomfortable. Thane and Garrus had been running things up until now.

"Yeah, we're getting the Broker anyway, might as well rescue Feron on the way," she smiled in what was supposed to be a reassuring tone.

She didn't expect Liara to react so strongly to it, and when the asari suddenly hugged her, Shepard froze. She couldn't push her back: Liara was distressed. Shepard didn't move, arms stunned in the air, awkwardly glancing around her for help. She met Thane's eyes, and noticed his amused look. He was probably wondering why she seemed so wary of a thankful hug when she was so eager for his touch. She felt relieved when Liara finally stepped away and went to Tali.

"So you do have a heart," Joker teased before going back to the cockpit. "Setting a course for Hagalaz."

Ignoring him, Shepard went straight to Thane. "We need to talk."

"Indeed," he nodded and followed her into the elevator.

Shepard turned on him as the door closed. ."Why did you tell EDI not to wake me up? Are you that afraid I will piss off Aria?" she lashed out.

"You needed to rest. You had been awake for too long. Aria needed a report, which we provided. There is no need for such aggression. I was simply seeing to your well-being," he answered, calm as always, gravelly voice betraying nothing and subvocals practically inaudible.

"Well, stop. I don't need anyone taking care of me," she replied harshly as they entered her cabin. He stayed in the entrance while she paced back and forth in front of the fish tank.

He stared at her for a while, as if trying to decypher her emotions- something even she wasn't able to do, then declared, "Then stop showing concern about my illness."

Shepard hadn't thought of that, and it took her by surprise when the words escaped her lips without permission, fast and unfiltered by her usual wall of anger.

"I can't."

"Why?" he countered, a low rumble escaping his chest.

Shepard stopped pacing abruptly, turning to face the fish tank to avoid his gaze.

"Because I fucking care. Is that what you want to hear?" She paused. "No one has ever gotten this close to me since…" She trailed off, gaze lost into nothing.

She had so many questions, so many conflicted emotions coiling within her, and she had no idea how to deal with them. _A friend_. It had been years since she'd ever considered someone as such. Joker or Jack had been the closest. But Thane was so much more. Something she couldn't define but desperately needed. She didn't try to put words to it, she simply accepted it. She cared, which was probably the reason why he stabbed her in her dream. _She was afraid_.

"What if you told me what is really troubling you, Rahna?" she heard him say in a low voice.

When she turned to face him, she realised he was much closer than before. He raised a hand to her cheek, but the lingering memory of being stabbed was still too vivid and she flinched away despite herself. He withdrew his hand immediately with a confused look. She realised how ridiculous it was, they'd been way more intimate than this, and she'd never backed away before.

"I'm sorry. Had a bad dream. I'm just a bit cranky, it'll pass," she explained in a dismissive tone.

"I expect I was part of that dream?" he asked, raising a concerned eyebrow.

"Why don't you tell me what Rahna means instead of asking questions? I'm not big on nicknames."

She didn't know if drell dreamt, or if their dreams sometimes had a hidden meaning, and she certainly didn't want Thane to start searching for one in her nightmare. He kept breaking her carefully-built barriers without difficulty, and she hated it.

"Perhaps we could trade. Tell me about your dream, and I will tell you what you wish to know," he tempted with a strange half-smile that made her resolve crumble further.

She hesitated. " _All_ I wish to know?"

He nodded.

"Why is it so important to you? Do drell even dream?"

"No. That's precisely the point. It's a fascinating concept. I have read many things on the subject, yet never had a chance to ask a human about it."

He seemed genuinely interested. Shepard sat on the couch, and he followed, sitting at a reasonable distance for which she was grateful.

"Fine," she surrendered, eager to get it over with and ask her own questions. "You've heard of dreams, but have you heard of nightmares?"

"A terrifying or deeply distressing dream," he answered immediately, and Shepard smiled. That was probably the dictionary's definition, which his memory allowed him to recall perfectly. She nodded.

"I was floating, in between places I've been, seeing or hearing people I've lost or killed. Kai Leng. Zaeed. Jack. My parents. John. And then... you."

He had crossed his hands beneath his chin, elbows resting on his knees, leaning in to listen.

"I am neither lost nor dead," he observed, careful enough not to ask what the ghosts said.

"Dreams don't always make sense. I guess the relation between all the ghosts I saw was that I betrayed each of them. Whereas you were some kind of vengeful shadow. You seemed friendly, at first. Embraced me, and then... stabbed me in the back," she explained flatly, trying to hide how affected she was.

He stayed silent for a while, lost in his thoughts.

"Well," he finally smiled, subvocals low and expressive. "I apologize for my alternative self. Rest assured that I have no reason to harm you for the time being."

"For the time being?" Shepard scoffed. "Oh, that's reassuring, thank you, Krios. I wasn't scared of you anyway. Like I said, just a little cranky."

"We are assassins, Rahna. There's no point in denying it. You have definitely proven to be unpredictable."

As if to prove his point, Shepard burst out laughing. He offered her his most confused raised eyebrow.

"And here I was, afraid you'd go all shrink on me!"

"My translator didn't catch that."

"That's a good thing. Now your turn to answer my questions," she decided.

"You have more than one?"

"You agreed to answer _all_ I wish to know," she teased.

"You are relentless."

"Thank you. What does Rahna mean?"

He relaxed on the couch, shifting position, heel on his knee, and asked: "Do you remember our conversations about the Old Gods?"

"Arashu, Amonkira, Kalahira?"

"Precisely. Rahnas are Amonkira's huntresses. Revered by assassins, feared by the corrupt. The Lord of Hunters collects the most scorched souls, those who hurt beyond measure, those who have been betrayed by the universe itself. He turns them into ethereal beings, forged through pain, beautiful, fearless and fierce. They seduce the wretched, the unpunished, and drown them into the depths of Kalahira's realm. Most assassins dream of dying by the hand of a Rahna."

He had not broken eye contact while he spoke and Shepard was stunned by the intensity of his eyes, not knowing how to react to such a revelation. She had expected a drell endearing nickname or insult criticising her rash behavior, but she had certainly not seen _that_ coming. She knew he understood more of her than any before but this said so much about him. So much about her. About how he saw her. _Beautiful, fearless and fierce_.

"I... " she began, searching for words desperately as his gaze troubled her more than ever before. "Thank you, Thane. I'm… honored."

He nodded, and his slight smile made her shiver.

"That's probably the most badass thing I've ever heard. But… 'Most assassins dream of dying by the hand of a Rahna'? You hope to die by my hand? That's a little confusing."

"I certainly won't accept dying in a hospital, dependent on machines and tubes for my survival," he returned harshly, dismissing the question.

"What about Kolyat?"

The question took him by surprise, and Shepard caught a furtive glimpse of sadness in his eyes.

"Kolyat expressed the need to never see me again. I will respect his wish."

"Oh…"

Silence invaded the cabin again.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked about this," she said, saddened by the regret in his voice.

"You had other questions?"

She only had one, but now, it felt wrong to ask it. She knew he probably sensed her hesitation.

"Ask," he ordered.

She leaned in and finally voiced the question that had been plaguing her for far too long.

"How long exactly do you have left, Thane?"

He sighed. She thought he was going to dodge the question for a moment, but he didn't.

"Mordin gave me four months to live. I am still in good enough shape to fight, if that is your concern," he declared.

It hurt more than it should have. Shepard stared at the floor for what seemed to be an eternity, confused by how many unwanted emotions coiled in her, how much the drell affected her despite herself.

"It's not my concern," she muttered flatly.

It felt so logical. So evident. Everyone she had cared about had either died or suffered. Why would this be any different?

Cold fingers brushed her cheek, making her shiver. She didn't flinch back this time. Slowly raising her face back up, she realised he was only a few centimeters away.

"I've accepted my death a long time ago, Shepard. You should too," he murmured before leaning in to kiss her.

This kiss was nothing like any they'd had before. There was no sexual tension, no violent urge to touch. It was sad, tender and… strange. Gentle lips brushing hers softly as if she were going to break. She felt fragile, for once, stifling tears that never should have been there.

When they broke away, she rested her head on his shoulder, inhaling the sweet leather scent of him. He put an arm around her, and they stayed like that for a long time, not saying a word, content with the silence.

"Sere Krios," Edi's voice chimed after a while, "Dr. T'Soni would like to speak with you in the debriefing room."

"I'll be there in a moment," he replied, getting up.

"Logging you out."

"I'll see you in a few hours to prepare the mission, Shepard."

And like that, he was gone.


	19. Chapter 19

"Allied force casualt-"

The LOKI mech didn't finish its sentence as Shepard's boot crushed its annoying robotic head, reducing it to a mess of indistinct buzzing sounds and wires. She leaped back before it exploded and got to cover, cloaking.

The Shadow Broker's ship was enormous. Metallic plates and solar panels flapped in the rough stormy wind and glowed under the sun. She had to refrain from looking down over the edge, into the endless oceans that boiled during the day and snap-froze ten minutes after sundown. The vessel followed the sunset, completely undetectable in the permanent storms of Hagalaz, unless you knew where to look.

The shuttle bay being locked down, they had to land directly on the ship and hunt for a hatch. A quick meeting with the whole team to decide for a strategy had soon made obvious that only a small group of three should go, for stealth's sake. Shepard and Thane were immediately chosen without anyone arguing. Despite Kasumi being the best choice for hacking and discretion, Liara had insisted on coming. Shepard had taken one look at the asari before judging wisely not to object.

Of course, any hope of staying stealthy disappeared when maintenance drones attacked, mistaking them for storm debris, and Shepard's team quickly revealed that they were not. Multiple LOKI mechs and agents tried to overwhelm them but, as it turned out, Liara's biotic abilities proved essential as Shepard blinked in and out of invisibility to finish off the enemies hanging helpless in the grip of a biotic lift or stuck in a singularity field. Thane scored headshots from the back, covering her, and sometimes hit a lightning capacitor to discharge deadly shocks to unlucky agents. Even though Shepard was used to working alone, she quickly grew fond of their synergy. Having someone to watch her back or flank was more pleasant than she thought. She could get used to it.

Fighting their way to a hatch took longer than initially planned. Dozens of agents patrolled the hull but, thankfully, with no guardrail, Shepard found creative ways to accelerate their demise. She couldn't help but laugh softly when Thane whispered his usual " _Go to the sea_ " prayer as she pushed an asari vanguard over the rail and into the ocean. They exchanged a look: hers - playful, his - falsely annoyed.

Liara was not inclined to hilarity, however, growing more and more worried that their failed discreet approach might put Feron in danger. Her attacks became more and more violent and desperate as time went by, and Shepard soon had trouble keeping up with her relentless pace.

When they finally reached a hatch, it became obvious that their hacking skills were too low to open it. Shepard began to regret Kasumi's absence until Liara stepped forward, a strange device in hand that she placed on the lock.

"What's that?"

"That hatch leads directly to the communication signals, there's no time to waste. This is a bypass shunt program that can crack it. It's illegal, even on Illium," she explained as the device bloomed into glowing red programs. "It's gonna take a while."

As she spoke, a literal army of agents converged on them, and the relatively peaceful atmosphere disappeared into ruthless fighting again.

"Are you sure it's going to work?" Thane asked as he landed several headshots in a row, sounding as calm as ever.

"It didn't come with a warranty," the asari dismissed, lifting an enemy for Shepard to rush.

"But you tested it, right?" Shepard shouted in the midst of stabbing the unlucky agent.

"No time to talk!" she answered, dodging the question awkwardly.

"Well, shit." Shepard commented as she shot a lightning capacitor with her Stinger to avoid being overwhelmed. Enemies were everywhere. Agents. Drones. Mechs. She soon abandoned the idea of thinking and let her reflexes take control, blinking at an unbelievable rhythm between targets.

"Shepard, slow down, I can't cover you at this pace," Thane's deep voice warned in her comm.

"I'll be fine, I just want it over wi-"

At that precise moment, she was hit with a throw attack and hit a metal wall hard before landing on the ground with a loud grunt.

A disapproving rumble from the drell vibrated in her earpiece. "Are you hurt?"

"Nope. But I get your point, Krios," she groaned before she got up with difficulty and cloaked again.

* * *

When the device finally beeped and the lock turned green, they were surrounded with dead bodies. Shepard was covered in blood - most of it not her own - and sighing with relief. Thane remained as flawless as before the fight, and Liara was panting with exhaustion.

"EDI and I managed to download the ship's layout and forwarded it to your omnitools," Tali informed in their earpieces as Shepard wiped drops of blood from her face. "Thanks, girls."

Liara immediately examined the data with feverish eyes before turning to them.

"We're headed toward the prison block…and Feron."

Shepard and Thane exchanged a furtive glance, wondering if they should face the Broker before rescuing the drell, but Liara's eyes were blazing, and they nodded without arguing.

A few more agents separated them from their destination, but it was nothing compared to what they'd just faced.

Heading towards the last door between them and the prison block, Shepard suddenly felt something brushing her hair. Turning back and preparing to attack, she stopped abruptly when she realized it was Thane, removing a piece of bloodied flesh from her hair and tossing it away.

"Uh… Thanks," she said. "I guess my fighting style is a bit messy."

"You are… efficient," he commented with a half-smile.

"You're gonna make me blush."

Liara wasn't waiting for them. She rushed forward and opened the door. Her horrified gasp put an immediate end to Shepard's light mood. They sprinted the short distance to catch up with her, ending up in a large room, the center of which was a wire cage containing some kind of chair linked to several terminals by a myriad of wires. In this chair, barely conscious, lay Feron. His face was marked by pain and strain. He was tied to the device by glowing orange shackles, but the sight of Liara illuminated his features with sudden relief and he raised his head as much as he could despite the restraints pinning him to the chair.

"Hey, you," he smiled faintly. "You came."

"Hold on, we're getting you out of here!" she promised, running to the nearest terminal and running her fingers over it nervously.

"No, WAIT!" he shouted before the chair pulsed with a powerful electrical shock that made him convulse and cry in pain. Blue arcs of light danced in the cage as all they could do was watch. Shepard had an uneasy feeling of deja vu.

"Feron!" Liara wailed as Thane pushed her gently away from the terminal. "I… I'm so sorry. How do I..."

"The equipment is sensitive to tampering," Feron explained in a labored voice. "This chair plugs into the Broker's info network. You have to shut off the power. Pull me out now, and my brain cooks."

"Where?" Thane simply asked as Liara slumped against the wall in horror.

"It's not gonna be easy. You'll have to go to central operations, down the hall. You know the Broker's waiting for you, right?"

A new shockwave shook the cage, and the room was filled with Feron's loud cries again. Liara had to look away.

"I know what _this_ is…" Shepard muttered in recognition, as her mouth curved with disgust at the memories. "It's a neural grounding rod, the medical equipment is to make sure he doesn't… expire."

Thane and Liara turned to her, surprised, but she wouldn't explain further, eyes lost into nothing until she turned to the captive drell.

"We're getting you out of here, Feron, one way or another. The Shadow Broker has no idea what he's in for," she bit out as a familiar blind rage surged through her.

"Don't underestimate him, he's- Argh!" Feron answered, before the cage interrupted him with yet another wave of blue electrical arcs.

"Shepard, let's go!" Liara ordered, running towards the door that would lead them to the Broker. Thane followed. Shepard shot a last glance at Feron, who smiled faintly.

"I'll try not to go anywhere," he joked before grimacing with the pain.

* * *

His friendship with the Illusive Man had led Shepard to think the Shadow Broker was human. But when the door opened to reveal an enormous shadow crowned with horns behind a small desk she had to admit he didn't look human at all. In fact he didn't look like anything she'd seen before. His- its- whatever it was- face was barely discernable in the dimly lit room, but he didn't look friendly.

"I know who you are, Shepard. And I know why you're here," he greeted in an incredibly low and frightening voice that echoed as he spoke. "And you." He pointed a massive finger at Liara. "You're just here for the drell. Reckless."

"You're a monster!" Liara howled. "How could you put him in this…cage!"

"Dr. T'Soni. Your interference caused all this. Feron is just paying the price of his betrayal."

"You're going down, Broker. No one deserves this," Shepard snarled in an icy voice.

"I don't think so. Your arrival is barely an interruption. You're searching for the Illusive Man's location, but you'll be dead before you have time to become a real inconvenience. Or captured, _just like your brother_."

A vivid spike of hatred surged through her and before she knew it, Eris was in her hand. The Broker let out a small laugh and ignored the silent threat before turning his attention to Thane.

"And bringing the assassin with you was a shrewd decision. I will give his son my regards."

"I don't think it wise to give us yet another reason to eliminate you, Broker," Thane replied in cold and controlled anger.

"You're quite confident for someone with nowhere left to hide!" Shepard bit out. "You're not putting a hand on anyone."

"It's pointless to challenge me. I know your every secret while you fumble in the dark. In fact, you're the only person worthy of my interest, Shepard. You're slippery. You erased most of your tracks, even your name is a mystery. But it won't matter when you draw your last breath."

"Oh, we're not fumbling in the dark, Broker," Liara cut with a strange, threatening tone before Shepard had a chance to insult him further. "You're a yahg. A pre-spaceflight species quarantined to their homeworld for massacring the Council's first contact teams. Since this base is older than your planet's discovery, I'd say you killed the original Shadow Broker sixty years ago, then took over. I'm guessing you were taken from your homeworld by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave… or a pet. How am I doing?"

Shepard would have laughed at Liara's bluntness if the yahg hadn't risen from his seat, revealing that he was even more immense than she originally thought. He was indeed massive, and the fact that he didn't seem frightened at being outnumbered was probably a bad sign. He was mostly red-skinned, with four sets of eyes and three sets of teeth that made him, if not scary, very unnatural to a human eye.

But Shepard didn't have time to dwell on it as he sent his desk flying like it weighed nothing and roared a guttural battlecry. From the corner of her eye, she could see Thane shifting his stance and Liara raising her gun to shoot. Liara's shots barely bothered him as he charged directly at Thane. Shepard cloaked and took her Stinger out to add to Liara's firepower since close combat seemed like a strategically terrible idea.

Thane dodged the yahg's charge easily. The beast was enormous but lacked in agility and speed. Raw strength was no match for the assassin's lithe movements. Or so Shepard thought. The Broker's next charge cornered Thane between two walls, and the creature was so colossal that the drell was unable to slip past him. The yagh grabbed the assassin's jacket with a meaty paw and slammed him viciously into the wall. The impact was so violent that Thane's head whip-lashed into the metal wall, knocking him unconscious instantly. The Shadow Broker let the drell's senseless body slide to the floor and prepared to stomp him to death.

"Thane!" Shepard screamed despite herself and rushed the yahg, ignoring logic.

"Shepard, DON'T!" Liara warned, but it was too late.

The beast was preparing to finish off Thane, and Shepard would not let it happen. He had a foot in the air, ready to crush him. But he roared as Shepard suddenly landed on his back with a spectacular bold leap, plunging Eris into his neck. Thick blood spurted out. He lurched backwards, but a single knife wound wasn't enough to take him down. He grabbed Shepard as if she were a ragdoll and threw her across the room. Somehow she landed on her feet, even with her ribs aching from the Broker's strong grip.

A loud growl escaped him as he leaned back and kinetic armor began to cover his whole body. An enormous orange glowing shield appeared at his arm, and he adopted a defensive posture.

Shepard and Liara exchanged a panicked look.

"Take down his armor, I'll lure him away and handle close combat," Shepard ordered, seeing no other option. At least the Broker's attention wasn't focused on Thane anymore. The assassin still lay a few meters from them, unmoving.

"If you can get him to the center of the room, I've got an idea," Liara added briefly as she shot from behind a pillar, and jerked her head toward the glass ceiling where lightning slithered and coiled above the glass, lighting the room in surreal blue light.

Shepard quickly understood and nodded as she ran to avoid yet another charge, from cover to cover, painfully aware that any contact would be lethal.

It all happened very quickly.

As the Broker rushed for the kill, Shepard waited for him to get where she wanted before turning around, surprising him as she jumped directly onto him in a blunt frontal attack. He raised his shield to stop her momentum but reaching him was not her goal. The shock made him take a few steps back, and even though Shepard was dizzy from the contact, she managed to jump back. "LIARA! NOW!"

The asari put all the strength she had into her biotics and collapsed the ceiling onto the Broker.

There was a bright flash of light, a loud cry of pain, and the Shadow Broker was no more, disintegrated by the elements.

Not taking a single second to recover, Shepard staggered towards Thane as fast as she could, vision blurry as she gasped for air, exhausted.

"Thane, answer me. Thane!"

She knelt and searched feverishly for a pulse. She sank to the floor at his side when she found one, weak but steady. Cupping the drell's cheeks, she anxiously tried to bring him back to consciousness.

He was breathing. Barely.

"Don't you dare die on me now!" she shouted, feeling her voice falter with emotion.

"Shepard!" Liara called from the other side of the room. "I found the controls. Feron might know how to hel-"

" _Rahna_ …"

Faint gravelly voice.

He had opened his eyes.

Shepard let out a deep sigh, overwhelmed with relief. He wasn't dead.

"Fucking space lizard..." she murmured.

He let out a small chuckle that ended with a cough. "I'm afraid I wasn't of much use in this fight."

"Shut the fuck up. You're alive," she laughed nervously, still shaken and suddenly not giving a rat's ass about anyone knowing how worried she had been. "Can you walk?"

"I think so."

As Shepard helped him up, a sudden buzzing voice filled the room.

" _Shadow Broker, this is operative Murat, we had a momentary connection failure. Can you confirm status?_ "

The voice was soon followed by others, all requesting an update, until there was nothing but an unrecognizable nonsense of voices that mixed together in a dizzying cacophony.

Liara was frozen in front of the terminal. She stared at the glowing interfaces for what seemed like an eternity while Shepard helped Thane to his feet. Before they reached her, she tapped a few buttons, and her deformed voice filled the whole ship, steady and strong.

"This is the Shadow Broker. The situation is under control. We experienced a power fluctuation while upgrading hardware. It disrupted communications momentarily. However we are now back online. Resume standard procedures. Shadow Broker, out."

Feron burst into the room, gun in the air, ready for anything.

"Liara! It's… It's you? You're the new…"

"Yes," she whispered, as she if she were acknowledging it herself.

"But…"

Feron didn't finish his sentence. Liara had ran into his arms, embracing him as if her life depended on it. He was stunned for a second, before he responded and hugged back tenderly. Liara's body was shaken by silent sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Feron, it's all my fault, I shouldn't have sent you on such a dangerous mission. How could I… How could I… I knew the risks, I..."

He didn't answer. Instead, he broke away, seized her face in his hands and captured her lips in a passionate and hungry kiss. It was her turn to be stunned, but it didn't took her long to kiss him back fiercely.

The moment lingered. They deepened their kiss without any sense of modesty, and Shepard suddenly felt out of place and cleared her throat.

"Uh… we should probably… search for intel… elsewhere."

"Agreed," Thane quietly replied, and together they headed for the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr if you have questions : labucheronne
> 
> Merry Christmas! Thank you for you support


	20. Chapter 20

Shepard was seated on top of the Normandy, which was docked at a fuel depot for the next few hours. Above the agitation of maintenance staff attending to the ship below, she glared at the datapad in her hands. The three files taunted her, two of them already opened and read through, the third waiting as her finger hovered hesitantly over it.

Liara and Feron had decided to stay on the Broker's ship and, with Liara as the new Shadow Broker, Aria had been very pleased with their results. They had been rummaging and digging through the terminals for hours before they found what they were looking for but, when they finally did, it brought more questions than answers.

_Jack Harper_. The Illusive Man's name. The information came with a lot of details on his past. How he used to be a mercenary, how he served in the battle of Shanxi, how he founded the Network, but all that bullshit was useless to Shepard. She had closed his dossier after finding his location: _Horsehead Nebula / Anadius / Cronos Station._

She needed nothing else. She'd have her dagger on his throat soon enough.

The second file had been harder to read. It was labelled with her brother's name, and it felt like every word burnt her eyes as she anxiously went through it. There was no doubt now that he was indeed alive, but the news barely gave her joy.

_Project Nemesis_. The ominous name was eloquent. The file was a summary of medical details about the cybernetics implants he had received, and he had received a lot of them. A deep fear settled in her gut as she went through them. John's strength had been enhanced along with his sight, hearing and pain tolerance. She had been surprised to discover that he was a biotic and a powerful one at that. There was nothing about how they found him, where, and most of all, why the Illusive Man would go to such an extent for revenge. _Nemesis_. The word rang in her brain like an alarm. She had already created hundreds of scenarios in her head that could explain this word.

She felt her nails scratch the cold metal bulkhead of the ship in a failed attempt to push those thoughts away. Focusing her attention on the last file, all things considered, it wasn't as frightening as the others. It just felt wrong.

She had stumbled upon it, and a wild impulse had made her copy it onto her omnitool before erasing it, just to be sure. It was Thane's file. She knew it was wrong to read it. She might discover things she didn't want to know. But curiosity clawed at her mind, and she could use the distraction.

She sighed. She could just tell him. Or ask. He would be mad. No. He was never mad. Always so calm, so infuriatingly calm. Controlled.

_Oh, to hell with this!_

As she was about to open the file, EDI's voice chimed in her earpiece, making her start.

"Sere Krios requested entry to your cabin, Shepard."

"How long has he been out of med bay?" she asked, curious.

"He exited the medical bay twelve minutes ago despite Dr. Chakwas' advice to rest," EDI answered.

She didn't know what Krios wanted, but she was not in the mood for quiet talk and tea.

"Tell him I'll be right there. Let him in."

* * *

He was sitting cross-legged on her sofa, eyes closed, looking as dashing as ever. Iridescent green scales glimmered under the blue light the fish tank produced.

"You wanted to see me?" She fetched a bottle of brandy under her desk and poured herself a glass. Liquid comfort seemed like a good idea.

"Indeed," he greeted with a small bow of the head.

"Well, if you just want to talk, you should just go back to the med bay where you should still be resting. I don't really feel like chatting. We'll be off to Anadius soon."

He ignored her aggressive tone. He was used to it. "You've told us very little about what you learned from those files. It might be wise not to let us run blind into this."

She sighed. She'd told them about Jack Harper. About the coordinates. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about Project Nemesis. Of course he would want to know.

"He received cybernetic enhancement," she began, avoiding her brother's name as if the mere mention of it would shatter her careful monotone voice. Thane took the hint, as always, and listened quietly. "He's a biotic, though I doubt he'll have the time to become a real threat so soon."

She paused, gathering her courage to say out loud the new name added to the list of those who haunted her.

"Project Nemesis. It's the name they gave him. It's not even original. The whole thing is just to _get to me!_ And for what? To satisfy Harper's swollen ego? My brother is probably brain dead from all the speeches they crammed into his skull about how awful I am. He probably already hated me anyway. Should I say that to the team? Tell them 'oh, look, that's my little brother I abandoned years ago transformed into an evil fucking puppet?'"

She realized her voice was becoming high-pitched and that she had begun pacing in front of the fish tank. She stopped in her tracks and gulped down her drink before refilling it. Thane had tilted his head to the side and a low croon emanated from him.

"No offense, but I still fail to see how you abandoned your brother, Shepard," he calmly replied, his deep voice contrasting with her panicked one.

The remark took her by surprise. She expected some kind of standard comforting words, and would have hated it, but this was unexpected.

"I… He was left behind. I couldn't save him. But I should've tried! _Harder!_ I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye..." she stammered, more to herself than to him.

"You were taken against your will while he hid. This is not abandonment."

If he was right, she would not hear it. The guilt had its claws digging back into her chest, and his calm assumptions were unnerving to the utmost. She wanted to fight, she wanted him to react, anything.

"And what would you know about that?" she bit out without thinking, eager to get him to stop torturing her.

Suddenly, it hit her.

He would know. Of course he would.

"Oh. Thane, I'm... sorry."

He had slightly bent his head down, breaking eye contact, and his croon sounded more melancholic. When he finally locked his eyes on hers, their intensity made her shiver.

"Free will makes all the difference, Rahna. Guilt shouldn't have anything to do with your suffering."

Shepard glared at her empty glass for an eternity before refilling it and sinking down on the couch next to him. She rested her head against his arm apologetically.

"I'm scared," she finally admitted. "It's been 11 years. What if he's changed? What if _I_ 'v _e_ changed?"

He didn't answer. There was no answer to give; these were all rhetorical questions. He only took her glass away, then her hand in his own and let them rest on his lap. His cool scales felt soft on her smooth skin as her fingers intermingled the best they could with his strange alien hand. The low croon hadn't stopped, and she could now associate it with some kind of soothing sound. The vibrations ran from his body to hers in relaxing waves. The sensation wasn't unpleasant.

"How are you always so calm? How do you keep it all at bay?" she inquired quietly.

"I was asleep for a long time. Disconnected."

"Not anymore?"

"Not anymore."

She knew from his tone he would not explain further, so she didn't ask.

"But I could always teach you meditation."

She let out a chuckle. "Seriously, Thane, can you even picture me meditating? I'd implode. If you want to offer comfort, though, I might have other ideas..."

She boldly straddled his lap with a smug smile, wrapping her arms around his neck. If he was surprised, he let nothing show. Only a small knowing smile blossomed on his lips as their eyes locked together.

"Such as?" he asked, subharmonics changing to a playful rumbling and gentle hands settling on her waist as she imprisoned him between her thighs.

"Cut the act, Krios. I've had enough of playing games. Make me forget about all this crap."

He laughed softly and tidied a wild strand of hair from her face, before shifting position suddenly, effectively pinning her to the couch, his smoldering eyes only a few centimeters from her face. She didn't struggle, pleasantly surprised.

"Aren't humans capable of any subtlety?" he whispered in her ear before tracing a hot trail of kisses along her neck that sent shivers down her spine. She hummed her contentment.

"We are. I'm not," she replied with a husky voice as she explored the velvet ribbing of his neck with slight brushes of her hand. She could feel him tense under her touch, and the rumbling he produced wavered slightly. She loved how sensitive this part of him was.

The heat that fear had shut off lit anew, burning hot in her belly and lower.

"A pity," he murmured as one of his hands nested in her hair, toying with their texture. "EDI."

"Sere Krios, how may I help you?" The robotic voice answered as he propped himself on one elbow, breaking away from their proximity, but never breaking eye contact.

"How long until we take off? ETA to Anadius?" His voice was steady, gone back to normal as if nothing had happened.

"The Normandy has finished refueling. Take-off is scheduled in twenty minutes. ETA to Anadius is four hours."

"My thanks. We are not to be disturbed until then. Initiate privacy lockdown and log us out, please."

"Privacy lockdown initiated. Logging you out." The lock on the cabin door glowed red before disappearing.

Shepard grinned. "Finally."

"You wish to forget?" he asked, eyes as black as the space between stars, capturing her in his dark stare.

"Yes," she murmured, biting her lower lip in anticipation and folding her legs behind his back to shorten the distance between their bodies.

"Then I will obliterate everything but my name from your world."

The promise echoed in her whole body, lighting fires everywhere, as he finally crushed his lips on hers feverishly, letting the last wall crumble between them. She moaned in his mouth, parting her lips to breathe him in and deepening the kiss as her hands roamed any part of bare skin she could find.

Soft scales, entrancing scent of leather and spice, tingling of venom slowly making its way through her body: as promised, the world became nothing but sensations. She relished every caress, every kiss, burning in his cool embrace.

He wore too many clothes.

She tugged on his jacket playfully, and he broke away to remove it, tossing it on the floor. His shirt soon followed.

_What a glorious sight._

A knee on each side of her waist, looking down at her - he'd never looked so perfect. She let her hand roam over his torso, idly following the stripes with an adventurous finger. From behind his back the dark markings joined together where a belly button should have been, only to go down under his pants. Shepard was desperate to finally see him naked, to sate the curiosity that had been burning inside her since the Citadel.

But he had other plans. He tugged at the zipper of her suit and she shucked it off in record time, ending up in her underwear, hungry for his touch. He echoed her gesture from before, tracing her scars with his own scaly hands on her arms, on her neck, on her belly. She shivered under his fingers. He seemed absorbed in contemplation and after a while she couldn't help but feel self-conscious.

"What's so fascinating? Don't drell scar?"

He stopped his exploration to look back at her.

"Not easily. Scales grow back, and we shed once a year. Being scarred is rare and is considered a sign of strength. They remind me of drell markings, too. Smooth skin is pleasant to the touch, but seems unnatural to the eye. You look powerful, Rahna. Beautiful."

His voice was lower than usual, and he punctuated his declaration with a slow, burning kiss to the scar crossing her collarbone, emphasizing his point and rendering her unable to contest any of it. She moaned in appreciation as he made his way up her stomach until stopped by her bra. He slid his arm under her and this time, he had no difficulty removing it. God bless eidetic memory.

Her surroundings started to shift and glow. Even though she was used to the sensation, she must have still looked dizzy, glancing around in awe at the new colors and shapes, because he started laughing.

"I'm so fucking high," she snorted, looking back at him. Oh, he was glowing again, every scale seemed to shine in a different way as she stroked them in complete fascination.

He smiled. The sudden feeling of his lips on her breasts reduced her to a mess of shaky sighs and the world to a burning haze as she abandoned herself to the sensations. He traced a path from one to the other, avoiding the most sensitive spots on purpose. Her hands resting on his shoulder clenched slightly, struggling not to scratch his scales. She had closed her eyes but the sound of crackling biotics made her open them again.

He was glowing blue this time, and she didn't know if she should be afraid or aroused by so much color melding together.

"Why are you…"

He kissed her before she could finish her sentence, and she felt a burst of pleasure pulsing through every nerve as he finally pressed his thumb on the tip of her breast, enhancing the light touch with flickering biotics. She arched hard against him, gasping in surprise in his mouth. He broke away to kiss his way back down her belly, this time lingering on the sensitive parts of her upper body while his hands wandered, sparking small amounts of biotic energy on their way. She writhed beneath him every time and couldn't help the instinctive grinding of her hips against the swollen bulge in his pants she could now acutely feel. He groaned at the contact, adding the vibrations of his voice to the biotics that pulsed through her body and the venom that pulsed through her veins.

"Take it off," she ordered impatiently with a raspy voice, tugging at the fastening of his pants.

She felt him smile against her heated skin before the world spun on its axis. He held her firmly against his chest as he carried her to the bed. He set her down at the edge and started taking off the now too-tight leather that imprisoned him. She watched, biting her lower lip with anticipation.

He was finally completely bare. He didn't look that different from what she was used to. The stripes that joined at his midsection gave way to a fully black unsheathed erection, slightly ridged and more pointy than a human's, throbbing slightly with the rush of blood.

He watched her warily, probably worried that the difference might scare her away, but she ached to touch him and stroked him tentatively. He jerked his head back and let out a small groan.

He was still standing before her and she urged him closer, stroking his length as he purred an audible new variation of subharmonics. He was startled when she softly kissed it and stared at her with confused eyes.

"That's… ah… a rather strange foreplay ritual," he commented. But he didn't look eager to break away. His body language was inviting, and he seemed torn by curiosity.

"You're gonna love it," she whispered, giving him a small lick of the tongue that made him shudder under her touch. A second one made him gasp and close his eyes. She finally took him in her mouth, causing him to grunt and his biotics to flare erratically. Rocking back and forth and massaging him with her tongue, she watched as his cautious calm was shattered by pure pleasure. He was beautiful, still glimmering and glowing in the blue light he produced that seemed to pulse between them delightfully, his head bent back and lips parted with his ragged breathing. The room filled with his sighs and rumbling, music to her ears as she clenched her hands on his hips and he pressed his own shaky hand in her hair tenderly.

It didn't take long before he pushed her away gently, eager for payback.

Pinning her on the bed, he buried his face in her neck, hunting for that spot he already knew by heart, kissing and biting, making her squirm when he slid his hand between them and under her underwear to make his own discoveries. Her soaked panties soon disappeared without her remembering how, too caught up in the moment.

She didn't know if he had studied the subject or if she wasn't any different from drell females, but he quickly found the exact right spot at the apex of her thighs and started teasing it, making her moan and jolt against him. She was already wet from before but he didn't seem to be in a hurry. He rubbed his thumb in slow circles against the sensitive bundle of nerves where heat had pooled inexorably, until she whimpered an indistinct mix of curse words and his name.

Without warning, his biotics came to life again, and a new spark from his thumb made her cry out in pleasure and clench his arms. Their lips met again, both feverish and panting. She bit his lip gently, urging him to continue exploring.

Her breath hitched when he finally put those fused fingers of his to use, sliding easily into her wet core and stroking, making her moan and shake both as she scraped his back uncontrollably, the biotic impulses narrowing her world to sensations only. She'd never thought biotics could be used in such a way, but she loved it. He set a slow rhythm, torturing her with skilled fingers and flickers of energy he randomly delivered as his other hand played with her hair and his mouth with her skin.

She could feel it, the heat, the tingling sensation of future ecstasy, so close, all it would take…

"Please…" she pleaded faintly.

And he obeyed, combining both the thumb strokes on her clit and the sparks from his fused fingers as he pressed their foreheads together, capturing her in his dark intense gaze, and she dissolved into oblivion. She tensed, sobbing out her release, bursting with the shockwaves of her climax and drowning in his eyes before sagging back on the bed, sated and hungry for more at the same time.

He lay down next to her, letting her recover. She caught her breath and turned to press against him, running her hands on his back. It felt like carressing a million tiny pebbles. He smiled, stroking her hair idly for a few minutes, then moved her so she was above him. In her venom haze, he was stunning, emerald and adamant against her white sheets.

"You're gorgeous," she whispered.

He smiled before kissing her fiercely. She could feel his hardness and started grinding against him as his hands settled on her hips, inviting her to continue.

Sliding a hand between them, she eased him into her, pulsing with desire as he gasped. As she became accustomed to the foreign feel of him, she slowly sank down. He let out a deep sigh, and she moaned her satisfaction at the intoxicating new pleasure the angle provided. Still hypersensitive and with every nerve on fire, she started moving back and forth, coaxing deep groans out of him as his hands clenched on her sides. His biotics began flaring all around them again and he closed his eyes, rumbling a low deep sound she felt more than heard.

"Shepard," he murmured roughly, pulling her hips down harder.

She started moving faster, relishing the feeling of how perfectly they fit together, how incredibly good he felt inside of her, buried in her heat as she rode him. Whimpering, moaning and sighing with the waves of bliss, she forgot about the galaxy. All that was left was the slow rhythm of her hips rocking on his. A new dance. Blinding raw sensations overwhelming her as she quivered, hands on his chest keeping her in balance. Everything felt foreign about him, his dual voice as he grunted, his alien skin marvellous under her fingertips, the dizzying feeling of his venom running in her veins. She couldn't get enough of his eyes, half-lidded by pleasure and abandoned to the moment.

The position wasn't quite enough to bring her to the edge, and he must have felt it. He spun her around again. He was now above her, thrusting harder and faster with a new angle that felt even better. She gasped with each thrust, clawing desperately at his arms for a second orgasm she could nearly feel again. Her skin tingled delightfully as he panted in the crook of her neck.

She was so close, she could feel the heat pool at her core as she moaned his name, begging for more.

"Let go, Rahna," he breathed in her ear raggedly.

With one last biotically-enhanced flick of his thumb between her thighs as he pounded fast against her, she saw stars, bathing in the delicious bliss and crying out incoherent words as she shattered in his arms. He wasn't far behind, his pace going erratic, his movements uncoordinated. He soon followed, letting out a deep and guttural sound as his own release took him, and sagged against her, shivering as he caught his breath. She held him, caressing his back slowly. After a while he gently withdrew and settled next to her, staring at the ceiling with an idle smile.

They stayed silent for a long time, simply enjoying the afterglow. She could hear the drive core pulsing below and wondered how she did not hear the ship take off. Her surroundings were still glowing oddly, colorful and shifting. She felt odd. She'd never had such intense sex with anyone, and it scared and amazed her both.

"Well… that was… something," she smiled, raising up to light up a cigarette. She'd never been a cuddler.

"Indeed," he replied warmly, propping himself up on an elbow to watch her, purring softly.

"I could get used to this, you know…"

"You shouldn't."

Four months hung silently between them as she sighed.

"Yeah… Bummer."

A lightly as she tried to take it, she really couldn't. Changing the subject seemed like a good idea.

"How did you know what to do so quickly? I was expecting more... awkwardness," she chuckled.

"We are not as different as you might think. And…" he let out a small laugh, "Mordin has been harassing me with advice booklets and erogenous zone overviews for days. He seemed rather... enthusiastic," he explained.

She nearly choked trying to take a puff on her smoke.

"Wait, Mordin's been talking to you, too?"

He nodded and eyed her curiously.

"That cheeky salarian. You didn't tell him to fuck off?" she exclaimed, scratching her thigh unconsciously.

"I tried." He gave her a coy smile. "He came to you as well, I gather?"

"When I got my shoulder fixed. Gave me weird ointments. Said it was, I quote, 'a matter of time.'"

He crooned a playful sound that she associated with amusement.

"You'll have to teach me how to interpret _kadhar_ at some point, you're kinda hard to read, you know," she commented, now scratching her belly.

He crooked his head to the side, probably wondering how she knew the drell term and watched as she scraped her hips rather aggressively.

"I will, but… Shepard." He jerked his head at her body to make her look down, only to discover how red her skin was. Her neck, belly, and the inside of her thighs were covered in a rash, swollen and incredibly itchy.

"Oh… well, shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.
> 
> This chapter was incredibly hard to write (pun intended), I apologize for the delay.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr if you have questions : labucheronne


	21. Chapter 21

"I'm gonna rip my skin off," Shepard groaned as she fought to keep from scratching her thighs where the rash was the worst. But that would only make things worse. She hissed angrily as Thane's cold fingers rubbed Mordin's ointment on her burning skin.

"Your reaction is a bit disproportionate," he smiled, focusing on his task.

"Disproportionate?" she exclaimed. "I have to take on the goddamn Illusive Man in less than two hours! How the fuck am I supposed to do that if I can't even take a step without ripping off my suit? How could I forget about this!"

"Perhaps our timing was unwise," he chuckled, applying the lotion to her arm gently as she took care of her thighs. "At least you're not envenomed anymore."

"How would you know?" she pouted.

"You are back to your old unnecessarily aggressive self," he teased.

Her mouth opened in silent surprise. Now he was sassy?

"Well, fuck you, for starters…"

"Gladly."

She tried to look annoyed and searched for a witty comeback, but it came out as an awkward giggle. He had a smug smile as he gently rubbed his skilled fingers down her wrist. She suddenly realized she was scratching her thigh again and swore loudly.

"This isn't gonna work. I need something stronger."

Without giving him time to react, she grabbed her omnitool and called the only person able to provide help, even though it was the last one she wanted to talk to.

"Shepard, how can I help?" Mordin's voice soon chimed as Thane stared at her with concerned dark eyes.

"Rahna, are you sure about th-"

"Mordin, you got anything stronger than the ointment you gave me?" she asked bluntly, waving the consequences and Thane's questions away.

_Fuck it_.

"Ah. Expected. Come. Will inject you a better solution for allergy relief."

Shepard considered crossing an entire deck to get to the salarian, scratching and twitching in front of the whole crew, and decided it wasn't a good idea. The rumors were bad enough as it was.

"Hm…I'd rather not get out of my cabin in this…state, professor," she said hesitantly, as Thane rose to put clothes on, taking the hint.

"I'll be right there," Mordin answered and cut off the comm before Shepard had time to thank him.

She sighed. The bliss was definitely gone, and _the goddamn itch_ was slowly driving her mad. Don't scratch. _Don't scratch_. She grunted angrily, getting up to dress as well.

"Should I go?" Thane asked.

"Nah. He already knows. Stay with me. I can only bear so much awkwardness. I need support."

"As you wish." He sat on the couch, his face expressing a complex mix of worry and amusement.

Mordin didn't take long. The doors hissed open, and he casually strode in with a small metallic box in his hands, tools ominously jingling in it as he walked.

"Thane," Mordin greeted as he sat on the bed next to Shepard and rummaged through his tools. The drell bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Shepard was observing Mordin and made a indistinct noise of disgust at the sight of the needle he took out of his box.

"Not fond of needles?" the professor smiled.

"Hm. As long as it helps. I need to be able to fight."

"Marks won't disappear for several days, but should definitely ease the itch."

Shepard hissed as the needle gently entered her arm.

"Is there any way to…avoid this reaction?" Thane asked, obviously staying blurry on purpose in fear that Mordin would start one of his infamous babbling tirades on medical specificities of human/drell intercourse.

"Skin will adapt with further contact. Don't know exactly how many encounters required to make Shepard immune, but keen to learn. Can't do anything about the envenomed state, however. Rare couple. Fascinating."

_There it was_. Thane had become a statue which, to Shepard, as good as shouted his unease with the whole situation. His eyes were fixed on her.

"Uh…yeah. We're not a couple," she mumbled, avoiding the drell's stare and scratching her belly.

"Apologies." The professor put away the needle and got up. "Didn't mean to pry. Will be going now. Meet you in the debrief room."

He strolled out as quickly as he'd strolled in.

The silence suddenly felt very loud.

"I should go and prepare for the mission," Thane finally said before getting up.

"You're not mad, are you?" Shepard asked, even though she usually would have avoided this kind of talk. That's what she did with Kai Leng. Thane was different.

On his way to the door, he paused. "Shepard, we made no vows to each other. We are both unbound. Given the time I have left, I'd prefer it stays that way. You did not disquiet me."

Never looking back, he disappeared through the door.

* * *

The Normandy was far enough out to escape detection, stationary and strangely silent, hovering in the void and observing Cronos Station. Anadius' enormous sun shone brightly through any window able to catch its light. The whole Azure team was gathered in the debrief room, and the tension in the air was intoxicating.

"The Normandy is close enough for EDI to hack and download the station's layout, so we're not blind, which is nice," Shepard began without any introduction. "No need to tell you that this mission will be dangerous. You kill or you die. We're all going in, we just need to figure out how we're gonna play this. I've got a plan."

She paused, but no one spoke up. They all knew how sensitive the mission was. Cronos Station's layout glowed a bright orange above the large table in the center of the room, all of them studying it.

"We'll need two teams. The first one, acting as a distraction, will disembark the shuttle here." She pointed to one of the two docking bays the station possessed. "The other, a strike team, starts from there." She indicated the second, smaller docking bay in the rear of the station. "We'll need to avoid detection as long as we can and kill anything that gets in our way to the Illusive Man and…to my brother. Luckily, the station is compartmented in small closed areas. With a hacker in each team, we should have no problem setting up feedback loops to avoid tripping visual alarms and move on from compartment to compartment without too much trouble. They'll know we're here, but they won't know where, or which team. So obviously, bring a shitload of flashbangs, plenty of ammo, and I want Tali and Kasumi ready to fry the entire station's omnitools. I want them blind, I want them crippled. Any questions?"

Joker's voice echoed in the room through the speaker. "Can I name the teams?"

Shepard chuckled under her breath. For once, Joker's cheerfulness was welcome. It eased the tension a bit.

"No. Anything else?"

The audience remained silent. Tali and Kasumi were both leaning above the table to memorize the blueprints, and Mordin seemed deep in thought.

"Good. Now. Distraction team: Garrus, Mordin, Tali. Strike team: Kasumi, Thane and myself. No need to say that stealth is the word here."

"Actually, I have a question, Shepard, and you're not gonna like it. If things get tough and we can only choose one end, kill Harper or save your brother. Do we all agree that killing the head of the Network is the priority?" Garrus spoke up, his dual voice gentle and careful.

_Oh, she knew this moment would come_. They were all Azure, as she was, even if she didn't feel like she was anything at all. The concern was legitimate, but the word _priority_ woke the anger and worry she had been trying to tame.

"I…" she tried, doing her best to keep her voice steady while Eris screamed in her mind to be unsheathed. Garrus was her ally, she needed to calm down. He was simply being honest.

"If shit hits the fan, you guys go back to the ship when Harper's dead. I'm not leaving without my brother. Don't look back, I wouldn't. Both objectives will be reached one way or another. You can go back to licking Aria's boots, or in your case, Garrus, scratch the Network from your list of stupid grudges, but Azure Edge is definitely not _my_ priority."

There was a long silence. Garrus' mandibles flicked and Tali suddenly seemed very interested in downloading the plans on her omnitool. The other remained still and watched.

"Fair enough, your call," the turian backed off, hands in the air, noticing how close to the edge he had been.

"Go gear up and meet me in the shuttle bay," Shepard ordered before leaving the room without looking back.

* * *

She could feel the drell shadowing her steps as she headed for the elevator.

"Need something, Thane?" she drawled. All she needed now was some alone time to try and put some order in her conflicted mind. She didn't want to be mean to him, but as he had so wisely observed before, her default self was indeed, unnecessarily aggressive. She didn't turn around to face him, but he made her. Grabbing her arm gently yet firmly, he spun her around. His soothing croon was back, echoing from his chest, and his gaze was…indescribable.

"I won't leave you behind. I'll come with you, should you have to finish this alone." His dual tone was tinged with concern.

_Oh, this stupid lizard_.

"I don't need you. I'm not accepting suicide applications for this mission, Krios. Back off," she dismissed harshly. It came out much more rude than she meant, and all the concern and care she wanted to express disappeared behind her meaningless insulting undertone. Maybe he'd still catch it. He was good at that. They might not be a 'couple', but no one had ever come closer to deciphering her than he did. And if his sad small smile was any indication, he'd caught it.

"Shepard. The mere fact that you mention suicide proves that in this particular scenario, you don't plan on surviving. The two of us could manage to get out alive, and with your brother. And if we don't, well...".

His grip on her arm had loosened, but his hand lingered. She didn't let him finish. He really was suicidal. At least as much as she was.

"Why would you do this? Why would you go to such an extent for me? I'm no one, Thane. Don't waste the time you have left on me. You don't owe me anything."

"My life is mine to spend as I choose. And I choose to spend it for you, Rahna."

He let his hand down to catch hers, his eyes suddenly way too intense. She avoided his gaze and jerked her hand away. It was too much. She'd never been in this kind of situation before and as much as she tried to push him away, his words made their way to her cold heart. She folded her arms on her chest, examining the floor with a tad too much interest. She had no idea how to feel about this.

"Hey, uh…Don't get all mushy on me. I can't deal with this kind of stuff," she muttered, trying to hide her confusion.

"Let me accompany you."

"No."

"Shepard."

"Okay."

He smiled. _Motherfucker_.

"I hate you," she growled.

"Understandable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr if you have questions : labucheronne


	22. Chapter 22

Yet another throat was quietly slit as Kasumi hacked the door to the next section. The station had seemed way less enormous on the schematics.

"On your left," Thane warned as he silenced an unsuspecting operative, the poor soul unable to react, blinded by a flashbang the assassin had perfectly thrown.

Shepard sprung in the air gracefully, landing on the left menace. They were all humans. This particular one barely had time to shoot once before his body slumped on the ground.

So far, everything had gone according to plan. Kasumi fried all systems in each compartment they passed through, locking down area after area until they could move on. Most of them went smoothly. Shepard and Kasumi had their cloaks, and discretion wasn't a problem for the drell. The station was in alert, but Tali had made sure they were undetectable. As expected, the necessity to fight varied depending on the areas, since operatives came in small groups, having no idea where to search for them.

It would be easy to get lost; the station was all metallic walls and doors, clean, aseptic. There was no real way to know where they were unless they had a map, but they thankfully did. Each compartment was composed of a long corridor and several doors, and so far, they'd only made it through the crew quarters, dormitories, a mess, the infirmary. All were thoroughly searched. No sign of John. As for the Illusive Man, Shepard was betting his ego dictated he had to be on the highest floor.

"Status report. We'll soon reach the third floor," Shepard informed in her earpiece as they made their way unnoticed through another corridor.

"Acknowledged, we've come across several groups of mercs, and are now headed to floor three as well," Garrus responded. "This place is a damn maze. Over."

"Agreed."

They took an elevator up. When the doors opened, a dozen different guns greeted them, held by an army of operatives. Unfortunately, the elevator was empty. Or so their enemies thought.

"What the fuck?" one of them shouted, perplexed.

In an instant, all of the group's omnitools overloaded, courtesy of Kasumi, shocking them for a brief moment. Thane suddenly appeared, dropping down from a trap in the ceiling and using the momentum to plant his feet directly into the first face they met. Two gunshots, two bodies down. He was precise. Shepard had not bothered hiding like he did, and simply decloaked in the middle of them, smiling with the adrenaline rush as Eris did her job, painting the austere walls in a new flashy color. It was soon over, and the trio was still unharmed. Kasumi didn't take long to put the new compartment in lockdown to prevent more ambushes, and annihilated the surveillance system. Then she turned to the pile of bodies and pouted. "Not that I especially enjoy bloodshed, but you guys could have left me some."

"Let's move, hopefully that's all the resistance we'll get for this level," Shepard dismissed, recloaking and starting to check the new area. Labs. Terminals. Machines. John _had_ tobe there _._ The others split up without a word. She took the first room on the left, small in comparison to the others. Only furnished with a metallic chair in the center, empty straps hanging loose on the armrests and a terminal on the far side. The smell of antiseptic invaded her nostrils. She noticed the badly-cleaned drops of blood that stained the floor. Horrible theories flooded her brain in an instant, and a painful apprehension made her fingers shake as she reached for the terminal. Logs. She rummaged through the files until she found one labelled 'Nemesis' but hesitated. One hand clenched on the desk as the other hovered over the launch command. It was ridiculous. She had handled way worse than this before. Forcing the fear out of her system, she punched the button.

" _Dr. Gavin Archer, Log 23, progress update. Biotics in check. The implant works marvels but subject needs training. Currently sedated to avoid pain from adaptation to cybernetics. No rejection, though i'm worried about the chip. But that's up to TIM._ "

A chip. She knew precisely what that meant. She froze in horror as chills ran down her spine.

_Of all the twisted things..._

There was camera footage attached. The screen displayed a dimly-lit room in which a shadowy silhouette convulsed, tied to an examination table, quality too bad to identify it, yet Shepard knew. Her knuckles grew white as her hand clenched the edge of the desk. She had to look away as the poor soul jolted in his restraints, head sprung back just enough for her not to be able to see his face. She felt nauseous. Memories of a small scared child collided mercilessly in her head with the sight of her brother spasming in pain, now so different. It seemed impossible. Yet she had no doubt. She longed to put an end to his suffering, to finally be able to embrace him and tell him how much she regretted, how much she had missed him.

"The area is clear." Thane declared behind her, making her start. "Are you alright?"

She swayed on her feet and refused to turn around; he didn't need to see how weak she felt.

"He was here. I… A fuckin' _control chip_!" she hissed between her clenched teeth.

There was a pause before Thane asked: "Are you certain?"

When she didn't answer, two cool hand gently braced her shoulders, but she shrugged them away and made her way past the drell to the door.

"Let's go."

"You are aware he will probably be forced to attack us." It wasn't really a question.

"I'm good at improvising."

* * *

The poor operative didn't stand a chance. He made a disgusting indistinct noise when Eris plunged in his gut, and Shepard kept walking down the corridor without bothering to end his suffering. She had pushed aside fear and let anger drive her like a ruthless machine. The others followed and when she caught glimpses of them, she noticed how often they exchanged concerned looks. She didn't care.

"On our way to the last floor, Garrus. Anything to report?" she barked in her comm, carefully stepping over a fresh corpse.

"We're two floors below, Shepard," Tali's high-pitched voice replied instead of Garrus', accompanied by the muffled sound of gunshots and static."Taking heavy fire. Garrus is wounded, Mordin is trying to patch him u- Argh!"

"Tali!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"Go get them, girl," Tali continued, apparently shouting to her drone, then to herself: "Come on you little… bosh'tet! Damn seals!"

"Shepard, she has a suit rupture... they need help!" the thief stammered.

Shepard had to think fast. She had hacking skills, but not as developed as Kasumi. They could part, but the ascension would get a lot more difficult. But as heartless as she was, she still wouldn't let half of the team die stranded two levels below.

"Then go," she ordered. "Help them. Get them out of the station. Thane, how good are you at hacking?"

"Good enough, I suppose," he replied with a hint of curiosity, arching an eyebrow at her.

"But I…" the thief began.

"I said GO! We'll finish this on our own," Shepard hammered to shut her down. There was no time.

Kasumi stared at them for a second, hesitating. Then, before any of them could react, she pulled them both in a quick hug. It didn't last long enough for Shepard to push her away, and maybe she wouldn't have.

"Be careful."

"Kasumi!" Shepard suddenly shouted despite herself. "...Don't get yourself 're fucking annoying, but… I'm starting to get used to it."

The hooded woman smiled, ran her fingers on her omnitool and disappeared. "I love you too, Shep."

Shepard allowed herself a small smile and turned toward the elevator. Both assassins got in, and started locking down the areas above and methodically taking out surveillance, though much slower than Kasumi would have been.

"This is it," Shepard commented, probably more to herself. John had to be there. Harper had to be there. She had no doubt in their ability to take him out but since it was now just the two of them, the likelihood of one or both of them dying in the process had gone up significantly. The drell was silent. He had offered her his life before, but it felt wrong.

"Last chance to turn back, Thane."

He turned to face her, offering her a small smile that somehow contrasted with his determined gaze and the low rumbling that emanated from his chest. "Not a chance, Rahna."

She tugged on his collar to pull him in searing kiss as the doors of the elevator closed on them. It was quick enough to avoid being affected by his venom, but meaningful enough to ease the turmoil within her and slow down time as they ascended.

* * *

Gunfire and flashbangs. The highest floor was the widest and most defended. Using her tactical glasses to see through the smoke, Shepard moved swiftly from target to target, using both her Stinger and Eris in a deadly frenzy. From the corner of her eye, she marveled at the efficiency of her calm shadow, Thane ending lives silently in her wake and never losing focus. Room by room they searched, room by room they cleared their path.

"Check the corridor on the left, I'll take the right."

The 'corridor' on the right wasn't really a corridor, she soon discovered. It opened on a wide area filled with terminals and screens that led to an ominous door. Bigger than the others, it had to be the place.

"Wait, Thane," she shouted, " I think I foun-"

She was cut off mid-sentence as the doors behind her closed with a hiss.

"Nice to see you again, ice-queen," a familiar voice greeted her. Even as her mind registered Jack's voice, but before she could turn around, she was hurled into the wall in a blue haze of biotics. Her back screamed in agony as she collapsed to the floor.

"Shepard!" came Thane's deep voice in her comm. "The door closed. What's your status?"

She tried to answer, but all that came out was a groan.

She tried to get back up, but another attack tossed her onto a terminal that collapsed under her weight in a symphony of buzzing noises. Her head must have hit something, leaving her dazed. Through the blur, she could barely make out Jack's lean figure in front of the exit.

"Hey, Jack," she tried weakly. "Likewise."

"I thought we were friends, Shepard," the biotic spat with disdain, "I thought you were different. But you're like everyone else. You JUST LEAVE!"

Another biotic blast interrupted Shepard's pitiful attempt to stand up as she was thrown across the room again. One of her ribs made a horrible cracking noise and a silent scream distorted her face, breathing momentarily denied.

"Listen to me," she mouthed, but no sound came out.

"Oh, don't try to bullshit me into letting you leave. No one has ever betrayed me and lived to tell."

Shepard could see Jack coming her way, and after coughing blood and finally inhaling the precious oxygen she had been missing, she managed to gasp: "It's not about you, Jack."

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" the tattooed woman seethed, engulfed in a rage of glowing blue tendrils.

This time, Shepard dodged the wave of energy Jack produced, leaping aside and unsheathing Eris. The pain in her ribs made every movement an ordeal, but she'd seen worse.

"Hurry the fuck up, Krios!" she groaned in her comm as she circumvoluted swiftly around the enraged biotic hurricane, determined to pin her down.

"Eliminating back up as we speak. Stay safe," he replied, noises from his own fight echoing in the static.

Shepard would have answered with an ironic comeback, but she was busy searching for an angle. Jack certainly had progressed since the last time they fought. And she knew everything about Shepard's fighting style. There was simply no way to get close.

_Come on, think. Weaknesses._

Jack was emotionally unstable. As much as Shepard liked the little biotic, all she could do to avoid getting killed was hurt her with words. And she knew just the way.

"Hey, _Subject Zero_ , remind me why you joined the Network?" she barked with a fake smile.

Momentarily taken aback by her loathed nickname, Jack didn't pause long enough for Shepard to attack, but her biotic halo flared wider and her face distorted with anger.

"You bitch!" she screamed as she sent another shockwave her way and missed. "You know damn well why, don't you dare try to turn me against _him_!"

"Ever heard of Project Nemesis?" Shepard shouted back, still running and jumping in circles, avoiding shockwaves and warp attacks from her former friend.

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

"Network experiments." Shepard continued mercilessly. "On a kid. Control chip. Cybernetics. Biotic enhancements. Remind you of anyone?"

Shepard was now at the far end of the room, near the big door that seemingly led to the head of operations.

"YOU'RE LYING!"

"No, I'm not."

Shepard suddenly noticed that she was cornered against the door. Jack had noticed, too, but her features were hesitant, an old pain making its way in her eyes.

In the back, a faint hiss. Jack didn't hear it.

The tattooed fury hesitated, all it would take was one last wave. But the seed of doubt had been planted and would cause her demise.

"I'm sorry," Shepard muttered and nodded to the shadow that had crept behind her friend.

Two gunshots.

Jack gasped as life left her body and slumped in Thane's almost-tender embrace as he lowered her to the ground and closed her eyes. He offered a silent prayer to his gods as Shepard recovered.

"Nice timing," she said weakly, turning to the door to busy herself with hacking and avoid thinking too much.

Another one. Yet another death she couldn't just ignore like she used to.

"You knew her," the drell commented softly.

"I did. Help me bypass security," she dismissed.

There was no reason to dwell on it. It was bound to happen. Everyone she ever grew close to ended up dying. Even Thane would…

"Are you alright?" he asked gently.

"Just a broken rib, I think. Don't worry. We're close. Let's get it over with," she answered aggressively.

"Shepard, Thane," a voice chimed in their earpieces. "Kasumi here, everyone is safe on the ship. You're still alive, right?"

"We're good. If you don't hear from us in two hours, consider us dead," Thane replied like it was the most natural thing ever.

"Hum… yeah, okay, be careful out there, over." Kasumi agreed hesitantly, before the static faded and the two assassins busied themselves with their omnitools again.

The door finally opened, revealing a large room with a view on Anadius' enormous sun, burning bright and blinding them with the contrast. The large space was almost completely bare of furniture, simply furnished with a long row of terminals and a chair Shepard knew only too well. A dark silhouette occupied it, his eternal halo of smoke making his shape blurry even though she would have recognized him anywhere.

"Shepard," he greeted coldly, shifting to face them. "Always so punctual."

She could barely contain the murderous rage making its way through her aching body as she finally saw those icy glowing blue eyes in person, her hand twitching in anticipation of all the horrid things her mind prompted her to inflict on her former boss.

"You're awfully calm for someone who's about to die," she snarled.

"Why shouldn't I be? Every single detail of what I had planned worked out in my favor, even you, the unpredictable factor, have proved to be easy to direct when given the right motivation."

" _Motivation_? Oh, I will rip your gut out of you and paint the walls with it," she fumed, barely avoiding to just do it so right now. She needed answers.

"I thought you would be pleased to meet your long-lost brother, Shepard," the Illusive Man teased. "After all, you came all this way and even removed the Shadow Broker from the equation to find this place, didn't you? He was a useful asset, but I'm afraid his loss was necessary. Finding John Shepard wasn't easy. But now, I've got you, and Azure Edge's best operatives far from Omega, so I'd say it has paid off."

"Far from Omega," Thane repeated blankly.

"Precisely, Mr. Krios. The Network is raiding Afterlife as we speak. Even if you succeed in killing me, there's a fair chance you'll have nowhere to come home to. Shepard has caused Azure's demise, just as she's going to cause yours."

Thane checked his omnitool immediately, frowning. "Our comms are out, Shepard. No way to know for sure if this is the truth."

"We'll find out soon enough," she muttered under her breath. "Before you die, Harper, tell me how you found my brother."

"Oh, you can ask him yourself," he smiled coldly, then pressed a button on his terminal. "Mrs. Lawson, would you send in our newest recruit, please? In the meantime, I have a war to win, I'll be going now."

"You're not going anywhere!"

Shepard's Stinger came to life, aimed at Harper's back as he walked away and fired three shots. However, they never reached their target. A lean shadow appeared between them, stopping the shots with a biotic field. Shepard instantly stopped shooting as the silhouette raised his head, exposing his pale face to Anadius' sun's light. Two menacing blue eyes glowed as bright as the Illusive Man's, gazing directly into her soul.

"J…" she gasped, unable to finish the word.

This reunion should have felt different. But the figure before her looked nothing like a scared child. His head was shaved, skull and face covered in scars, as if she was gazing into a broken mirror. Only _his_ scars glowed red, contrasting with his cold eyes. His thin form disappeared in a black suit, slightly armored, and his posture was clearly hostile.

"Master?" he asked in a cool tone that reminded her of Harper's own, his omnitool glowing to life, yet another source of unnatural light to illuminate his ghastly face.

"Kill them, they won't harm you," the Illusive Man ordered with a wicked grin, before making his way to the small door in the rear of the room. He pressed a button, but nothing happened.

Thane lowered his arm, shutting off the omnitool he had been meddling with with a small contented half-smile, coaxing an angry groan from Harper. Before Shepard could compliment him on his hacking skills, John had disappeared.

"On your right!" the drell warned, his modified eyes giving him the ability to see the invisible threat.

All Shepard could do was avoid her brother's attack, as foreshadowed by her former employer. She leaped to the side, cursing under her breath as biotics flared in her direction, revealing John's position. Thane had shifted his attention to Harper, instantly knowing that Shepard wouldn't let him handle John, even with his advantage. She quickly lost sight of him, focusing on her own _enemy_. In the back of her mind, she wondered how John had managed to master his biotics so quickly. His attacks were not as powerful as Jack's had been, but they would be enough to pin her down if she failed to dodge them. On top of it all, her brother seemed to be a blend of several combat specialities, as she soon discovered with the combat drone that suddenly popped behind her and nearly managed to stun her.

"Listen to me!" she shouted in the midst of a backflip.

But the silent menace seemed unstoppable.

"Don't you recognize me?" Her tone was gentle, despite the efforts she made to escape her brother's attempts to end her life.

"You attacked my master, you're an enemy," came his soulless response.

It felt like talking to a mech. Or a wall. But still Shepard tried. She had no choice. She couldn't possibly harm him. She'd been searching for so long, she had been afraid of not being able to recall his face, but the exact opposite had happened. He looked at her with nothing but blank eyes, seeking her death. How much of him did the control chip effect? Was he still there, somewhere?

"Stop it, John! It's me! It's your sister! Look at me!" she blurted out shooting his drone while she ran in circles throughout the room. "Don't you remember?"

"My name is not John. My name is Nemesis. _I don't have a sister_."

John had not hurt her physically yet. But his words felt like a thousand knives all the same. She could feel the tears crawling slowly to her eyes, her throat tightening with the realisation that he probably wasn't there at all. He was nothing but an empty shell, designed to fight, designed to kill. He didn't bother running, simply walking in her direction, shifting when she shifted, an inevitable force that would not falter.

"I… Please remember me…" she begged, panting, weak voice wavering with sorrow. "It's me. It's _Hope_. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry I couldn't save mom and dad. Please John, _please_ , remember. Remember Mindoir. We loved you."

He stopped in his tracks.

Something in his eyes had changed. A glint of life she couldn't quite describe.

"Embrace the sea."

The odd phrase made her turn around, only to see that Thane was about to do what he did best. Harper was cornered, unarmed, completely at his mercy.

John saw it too, and it was enough to kill the spark in his eyes.

In an instant, he cloaked again, rendering Shepard unable to stop him, and reappeared in front of his master, arms extended, ready to take the shot.

"Thane!" Shepard warned.

The drell didn't shoot but took a step back carefully.

"Step aside," he asked firmly.

"You will not harm him," John threatened almost robotically.

"What a good boy," the Illusive Man rewarded him, petting his shoulder like he would a dog. "I can't take all the credit for his obedience, though, after all he was already a slave when we found him."

_A slave? But how did he escape the blast? How was he captured? Who? When?_

A myriad of questions buzzed in Shepard's mind as she raised her gun, standing next to Thane, even though she knew threatening was useless. Her brother stood between her and her revenge and she couldn't risk hurting him.

"John, step aside," she repeated despite her weak voice and her wet eyes, anger slowly making its way through again.

"I won't," came the cold answer.

"No, he won't," Harper confirmed as he passed an arm below her brother's throat to get him closer, a human shield. "He couldn't, even if he wanted to. We did a marvelous job with the chip, I'm afraid. Now, open the door, drell. I've got a shuttle to catch, and a war to win."

Thane gave Shepard a rapid glance, and when she nodded with a defeated sigh, he unlocked the door.

There was one last thing to try. She took Eris out, raised her in the air so John could admire her.

"Don't you remember, _little J_?" she exhorted faintly, desperately turning the dagger in her hands as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She had to bite her lip to keep the others from following.

Something changed. John marveled at the weapon with curiosity, frowning with concentration as he tried to remember. But the Illusive Man was forcing him to move back, pulling him towards the unlocked door.

"Let's go, boy."

What Harper didn't notice was the small glow of biotics that had appeared in John's hand as he furrowed his brows and narrowed his eyes at Eris. Finally, his eyes widened, and something switched again in his gaze.

"Hope…" he whispered, staring at her like he would at a ghost.

"What?" Harper blurted out.

Biotics flared. There was a loud grunt before the Illusive Man's back made contact with the window, and slumped on the floor. He spit blood and growled, a pathetic mess of limbs on the floor. He was about to say something, but Shepard didn't let him. In a split-second she was on him, Eris ready and John finally out of the way.

"Isn't it ironic, Harper? You spent you whole life thinking aliens were the threat, only to be killed by a human," she grinned.

His eyes widened in fear as she raised the dagger above him. It was the most delightful thing she'd ever seen. The sweet sight of her most loathed enemy, writhing in pure dread beneath her coaxed a maniacal grin out of her.

A gurgling sound.

The muffled thumps of a blade entering flesh mercilessly, several times.

It all happened in a blur.

It was not a clean kill. It was not professional. Frantic joy surged through her as she finally took his life away as she had promised, eyes unblinking and whole body shaking with the realisation. She only stopped the stabbing when a cool hand settled on her shoulder to get her to calm down.

"Rahna. He's dead," came the calm observation of the drell.

She stopped abruptly, realizing that John had probably witnessed the whole scene and her joy faded as fast as it had appeared.

The young man had retreated to a corner of the room, his head in his hands, clawing at his skill and sobbing quietly. His body was pressed against the wall, shaking hard. She caught the sound of a quiet whimper. He was suddenly a scared child locked into the body of a robotic killing machine.

"I will send a message to the Normandy," Thane declared and walked away to leave them some space. She offered him a small thankful nod and swallowed hard.

"Hey now," she murmured apologetically as she reached her brother.

He shrank even more into his corner, refusing to look her in the eyes. The fact that she was covered in blood probably didn't help.

"You're gonna come with us, you'll be safe. I won't let anyone hurt you, I won't let anything happen to you ever again, okay? I'm sorry you had to witness this, little J," she whispered in the most reassuring tone she could muster, even though her voice faltered despite herself.

The scars on his skull glowed an eerie red under the sun's light. He wouldn't look at her, still sobbing and shaking. She felt her heart clench painfully.

"I searched for you... I-"

She was cut off mid-sentence when he threw himself in her arms, clutching at her like his life depended on it. She was stunned for a second, face contorting in surprise, before she embraced him back tightly, tenderly caressing his head as she had dreamed of so many times before. It felt surreal. Yet, the irregular texture of his scars, the quiet grief that made him tremble, they were very _real_. Her own tears finally came out as she rocked back and forth slowly, soothing his fears with the calm regularity of her movements.

"Shepard, I contacted the Normandy, they'll pick us up shortly," Thane informed.

"...Shepard?" Came the small voice of John against her shoulder.

He had frozen. Something was wrong.

As she tried to understand his confusion, it all happened too quickly for her to react. She felt Eris being slid out of her sheath. The cold blade entered her stomach so fast she couldn't fight it.

Excruciating pain, burning, clouding her mind and blurring her vision.

John hugged her tight, his grip way stronger than it should be, holding her agonizing body as he _twisted_ the monomolecular metal in her gut without hesitating.

The last thing she saw was her brother's glowing blue eyes, devoid of any expression, merciless and cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Thanks to Askeebe (Moments in between, Never let me go etc.) for English proof and beta reading.
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr if you have questions : labucheronne


End file.
